The Ex-Boyfriend in God I Feel Modern Tonight: A Character Analysis

Overview

In Catherine Cohen’s debut poetry collection God I Feel Modern Tonight, the ex-boyfriend is not a single named person but a recurring presence that haunts the speaker’s confessions. He appears across several poems as a past lover whose memory triggers jealousy, nostalgia, unresolved feelings, and sharp self-critique. The speaker uses him to explore the gap between how relationships end and how they linger—in her phone, in her body, in the shape of his name. This analysis treats the ex-boyfriend as a composite character built from explicit references in the text, distinguishing what the poems directly state from interpretive readings of tone and implication.

Plot Role

The ex-boyfriend functions as a catalyst for the speaker’s internal drama. He rarely appears as an active participant in the present; instead, he is recalled in moments of vulnerability. In chapter 21, the speaker describes a breakup that was followed by a reconciliation: “one time my ex-boyfriend broke up with me and / when we got back together / we made out next to a fountain and he said / ‘you’ve gotten better at that’ and I said ‘at kissing?’ / and he said ‘yeah’”. This memory surfaces during a hangover, linking physical aftermath with emotional residue. In chapter 12, the speaker reacts to a new partner calling his ex “actually really cool,” which triggers her own insecurity. The ex-boyfriend also appears as a hypothetical—the speaker wonders in chapter 53 if she has a “sixth sense / that your ex is engaged,” showing how the thought of an ex’s new life can intrude even years later. Overall, he serves as a mirror for the speaker’s ongoing struggles with self-worth, performance, and the desire for love.

Motivations and Traits Shown Through Actions

Because the ex-boyfriend is only seen through the speaker’s memory, his motivations must be inferred from the actions she reports. Several poems indicate he has a critical edge. In the chapter 21 reconciliation scene, his comment that she has “gotten better at that” after kissing implies he was evaluating her performance even during a romantic moment. The speaker laughs but feels “very bad,” suggesting the remark stung. In chapter 34, the speaker reports that her lover—possibly the ex—helped assemble her new couch and then broke up with her on it. The juxtaposition of domestic labor and emotional rupture paints him as someone capable of tenderness followed by decisive exit. The speaker later says, “the point is I still love you / because I don’t know what you’re thinking”—which hints that his inscrutability is both frustrating and compelling.

From these fragments, we can interpret the ex-boyfriend as someone who withholds reassurance, speaks bluntly, and ends relationships cleanly while the speaker is left processing. His actions seem driven by a desire for control or honesty, even when painful. But it is important to note that the poems do not give his perspective; all traits are filtered through the speaker’s hurt and humor.

Chronological Arc

The poems are not arranged in strict chronological order, but a loose timeline can be assembled. The earliest possible reference is the breakup in chapter 21, which is followed by a brief reconciliation that ends with his backhanded compliment. Chapter 34 describes a different relationship ending—after couch assembly—which may be the same ex or another. Chapter 12 occurs after the speaker has a new partner who speaks fondly of his own ex, causing the speaker to reflect on her own ex. Chapter 53, “poem I wrote after the new taylor swift album came out thank god,” captures a later stage where the speaker has moved on enough to joke about having a “sixth sense” for an ex’s engagement. By chapter 39, the speaker admits she has romanticized a past lover’s “knowledge of music theory” and his way of “pull[ing] your sleeves up in the park”—a nostalgic longing that mixes memory with fantasy.

The arc moves from acute pain (breakup and criticism) to defensive humor (jealousy of a new partner’s ex) to wistful idealization (romanticizing the ex’s quirks). This trajectory mirrors the speaker’s broader emotional development throughout the collection.

Relationships

The ex-boyfriend’s relationship with the speaker is defined by asymmetry. She continues to think about him long after the relationship ends; he seems to have moved on, or at least does not reappear in the poems as a present figure. In chapter 24, the speaker lies to herself and others that she “wasn’t going to date anymore” but then goes to a roof party and drinks seven beers, asking about a tall stranger. This suggests she is caught between declaring independence and seeking new attachment. The ex-boyfriend’s absence creates a void she tries to fill with new flirtations, but his memory undercuts these attempts.

The relationship also reflects broader themes of power and performance. In chapter 18, the speaker writes, “I just want you to tell me / that fucking me / is the end of the world”—a plea for validation that her partner (possibly the ex) cannot provide. The ex-boyfriend’s critical comments and his ability to end things without explanation reinforce the speaker’s feeling that she is not enough.

Key Decisions and Consequences

The ex-boyfriend’s key decision is ending the relationship—twice, if chapter 21 and chapter 34 describe separate breakups. The consequence for the speaker is a persistent loop of self-doubt and obsessive reexamination. She turns her pain into poetry, but also into performance: in chapter 34 she says, “I remain in a good mood / because the performance hasn’t / ended and I’m an incredible actress.” The breakup forces her to confront how much she relies on being seen and desired.

Another decision attributed to the ex is his comment during the reunion kiss. Whether intentional or careless, it wounds the speaker and becomes a lasting data point for her insecurity. The consequence is that even in moments of connection, she cannot fully trust his praise.

For the speaker herself, a key decision is to stay in love with him even after the breakups. She admits this in chapter 34 and again in chapter 39 when she romanticizes his details. This leads to the consequence of emotional stasis—she cycles between wanting a new boyfriend (chapter 39) and pining for the old one.

Theme/Symbol Connections

The ex-boyfriend connects to several themes from the collection. Modern Anxiety and Discontent: His memory fuels the speaker’s existential unease. She cannot settle in the present because the past keeps interrupting. Performance and Authenticity: The speaker performs being “fine” after the breakup, even acting as if she is over him, while her poems reveal the opposite. The ex becomes a symbol of the gap between public composure and private turmoil. Body Image and Self-Critique: His comment about kissing directly attacks her physical competence. In chapter 21, she follows that memory with “bodies are hard and mine is soft and often in the way,” linking romantic rejection to body dissatisfaction. Love and Disconnection: The ex represents a love that was real but ultimately disconnected. The speaker longs for intimacy but cannot bridge the gap left by his departure. Digital Culture and Social Media: In chapter 53, the speaker’s sixth sense about her ex’s engagement is implicitly tied to social media stalking—where one can sense a life change before it’s announced. The ex-boyfriend exists not just in memory but in the digital traces that haunt modern romance.

Book-Specific Questions and Answers

1. In which poem does the speaker recall her ex-boyfriend breaking up with her and then later telling her she has “gotten better at” kissing?
   Answer: Chapter 21, “poem I wrote after experiencing an amazing hangover.” The speaker describes the breakup, the reconciliation by a fountain, and her ex’s remark that she has improved at kissing, which “make[s] her feel very bad.”

2. How does the speaker react when a new partner describes his ex as “actually really cool”?
   Answer: In chapter 12, “poem I wrote after you told me your ex is ‘actually really cool’,” the speaker does not directly reply to the partner. Instead, she pivots to a memory about inserting a tampon on the way to a Nickelback concert and admits she is “addicted to male attention / even when it’s platonic.” The poem reveals her insecurity and deflection.

3. What does the speaker say she loves about her ex in a poem about crying over a relationship that cannot work?
   Answer: In chapter 24, “poem I wrote after we enjoyed crying about how we can’t be together,” the speaker lies about not dating anymore but goes to a party and asks about a tall person. The last lines reject the cliché “you can’t love someone else until you love yourself” by adding “JK.” She does not explicitly state love for the ex in that poem, but the context of enjoying crying about impossibility suggests a lingering attachment.

4. In chapter 34, what unusual event leads to the speaker’s breakup with her lover?
   Answer: In “poem I wrote after you helped me assemble my new couch and then broke up with me on it,” the speaker’s lover helps assemble her new couch and then ends the relationship while they are sitting on that same couch. The poem uses the repeated refrain “the body is elastic” to frame the breakup’s emotional aftermath.

5. How does the speaker’s sixth sense about her ex’s engagement appear in the collection?
   Answer: In chapter 53, “poem I wrote after the new taylor swift album came out thank god,” the speaker asks, “what’s it called when you have a sixth sense / that your ex is engaged?” The line follows a confession that she once “wanted so bad to fall in love that I did it,” suggesting her desire creates fantasies about her ex’s new life. The question is left unanswered, underscoring the anxiety of not knowing.

For further discussion of the book’s structure and themes, see the ending explained and questions and answers pages.