Chapter 20: poem I wrote after I did the dishes

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.

Summary

The poem opens with the speaker declaring her favorite sex position: lying on a canopy bed with silk sheets while it rains outside. Her lover has gone out into the storm to buy two Kit Kat bars and a black cherry seltzer. She then reflects on how people become addicted to their own habits and ways of being. The poem cuts to a memory of her first time being fingered on a lawn chair by a guy whose favorite band was Jason Mraz. She ends by quoting a sentimental line about life not being about breaths but about breath‑taking moments. The title reveals that the whole poem came to her after she did the dishes in her apartment, and that mundane act made her feel as if she were in a play.

Key Events

The speaker describes a fantasy sex scenario in which her lover braves the rain to fetch snacks while she waits on a luxurious bed.
She offers a general observation about human addiction to routine and identity.
She recalls a specific, awkward sexual memory from adolescence: being fingered on a lawn chair by a boy who liked Jason Mraz.
She ends with a well‑known, cliché quote about living for breathtaking moments.

Character Development

Speaker (Catherine Cohen's persona): Reveals herself as someone who can switch from raunchy fantasy to vulnerable memory in just a few lines. She is self‑aware enough to see the absurdity in both her present desires and her past experiences. Her voice mixes deadpan humor with genuine wistfulness.
Lover: Only appears in the fantasy scene. They are attentive (going out in a storm for snacks) but remain nameless and almost archetypal.
Past partner: The nameless boy from the lawn‑chair memory. He is defined solely by his musical taste, which the speaker treats as a marker of unremarkable youth.

Themes, Symbols, or Motifs Evidenced Here

Intimacy as performance: The title directly states that the speaker feels she is in a play. This frames both the fantasy and the memory as staged scenes, suggesting that modern romance often feels scripted.
Absurdity of romantic clichés: The Jason Mraz lyric that closes the poem (“life isn’t about the breaths you take but the moments that take your breath away”) is presented without irony, yet it lands ironically after the very real, unglamorous memory.
Domestic triggers for reflection: Doing the dishes – a mundane chore – sparks a theatrical realization, linking everyday tasks with deeper emotional processing.
Food and consumption as intimacy: The lover’s errand for Kit Kats and seltzer turns a sexual fantasy into a domestic, snack‑fueled comedy.

Why This Chapter Matters

This tiny poem distills Catherine Cohen’s signature blend of confessional vulnerability and wry humor. It shows her ability to pivot from a raunchy punchline to a sincere memory to a trite quote in just a few lines, forcing readers to question what is authentic and what is performative in love. The chapter also reinforces the collection’s recurring interest in how women narrate their own sexual histories through a lens of self‑mockery and tenderness.

Study Questions and Answers

1. How does the title of the poem influence the way you read the lines about the fantasy sex position?
Answer: The title tells us that the poem was written directly after doing dishes, which is an unglamorous chore. That context makes the opening fantasy – with canopy beds and a lover braving a storm – feel intentionally over‑the‑top, as if the speaker is consciously performing a romantic scene for herself. The contrast highlights the gap between domestic reality and romantic ideal.

2. Why do you think the speaker includes the memory of the first time she was fingered, and what does the Jason Mraz detail add?
Answer: The memory grounds the poem in an awkward, early sexual experience that is far from the polished fantasy. The detail that the boy liked Jason Mraz – a pop singer known for soft, sentimental love songs – subtly mocks the cliché that “breathtaking moments” define life. The speaker shows that real “firsts” are often clumsy and underwhelming, undercutting the quote she later cites.

3. What does the line “people are addicted to being how they are” mean in the context of the poem?
Answer: It acts as a bridge between the two vignettes. The speaker acknowledges that both she and her past partner are stuck in their patterns: the lover runs for snacks, the boy liked Jason Mraz, and she herself remains in a cycle of ironic self‑awareness. It suggests that we perform our identities even in the most intimate moments.