Chapter 11 Summary: poem I wrote after I didn’t drink for six days and thought about starting a cult
⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.
Summary
The poem opens with the speaker confessing a “disease” of never wanting to leave an Uber because it means having to be somewhere. She then admits to a long-standing “serious addiction”—not to substances, but to the actors Adam Driver and Jason Schwartzman. She muses that her crush has not texted her because she is out of town, though quickly realizes she never told him she was leaving. The poem ends with a self-challenging question: what if she used her brain for something productive instead of spending all her time thinking about men with swoopy hair?
Key Events
- The speaker names a personal disorder: reluctance to exit a car and face obligations.
- She discloses a years‑long fixation on two male celebrities.
- She speculates about her crush’s silence, then corrects her own logic.
- She confronts the misdirection of her mental energy toward romantic fantasies.
Character Development
The Speaker – Even in a brief poem, the speaker reveals a pattern of avoidance (delaying entry into real life) and distraction (obsessing over actors and a crush). The final line signals a flicker of self‑awareness and a desire to redirect her thoughts, suggesting growth or at least the recognition that change is possible. There is no other named character development; the crush and the celebrities remain abstract.
Themes, Symbols, or Motifs
Addiction and Escapism – The speaker frames her reluctance to leave the Uber as a “disease” and her attraction to famous actors as an “addiction,” equating modern habits with substance dependency. The Uber as a Liminal Space – The car becomes a symbol of comfort and procrastination, a cocoon between destinations where the speaker can postpone reality. Self‑Sabotage in Romance – The logical gap (expecting a text from someone who does not even know she left town) highlights how the speaker constructs narratives that keep her stuck. The Critique of Romantic Obsession – “boys with swoopy hair” is a playful, reductive phrase that mocks the speaker’s own tendency to fixate on superficial details rather than meaningful connection.
Why This Chapter Matters
This poem is a concentrated example of Catherine Cohen’s signature voice: confessional, self‑deprecating, and punchy. It distills many of the book’s recurring concerns—modern loneliness, the performance of femininity, the tension between wanting to improve and being seduced by distraction—into just a few lines. The title’s mention of cult‑starting hints at a desire for radical change, but the poem itself remains grounded in small, relatable frustrations. For readers, it shows how Cohen turns a moment of everyday anxiety into a sharp meditation on agency and habit.
Study Questions and Answers
1. How does the speaker’s logic about her crush reveal a deeper pattern of avoidance?
She assumes the crush has not texted because she is away, but then admits she never told him she was leaving. This shows she constructs excuses that absolve her of responsibility—she avoids taking clear action (like informing him) and then interprets the resulting silence as rejection or indifference, which reinforces her avoidance of real communication.
2. What does the reference to Adam Driver and Jason Schwartzman suggest about the speaker’s emotional life?
By calling her attraction a “serious addiction,” the speaker implies that crushes on unavailable celebrities are a safe substitute for facing real‑world relationships. These actor‑crushes require no reciprocation, so she can fully indulge in fantasy without risk of rejection or intimacy—a parallel to preferring the comfort of the Uber over the demands of arrival.
3. Why is the ending question (“what if I used my brain for good…”) significant for the tone of the poem?
It shifts from humorous self‑diagnosis to a moment of genuine introspection. The question is left open, not answered, which reflects the poem’s ambivalence: the speaker sees the absurdity of her fixation but is not yet ready to change. The tone remains light and self‑mocking, yet the question carries real weight, suggesting that awareness might be the first step toward transformation.