poem I wrote after I downloaded The Sims at age 28 during quarantine

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.

Summary

The speaker describes a past trip to Paris. She and a companion failed to locate the Arc de Triomphe, so they instead visited a Sephora store. They drank rosé by the water, and the companion expressed the belief that no one has ever died from receiving overly aggressive fingering. That night the speaker ate McDonald’s alone in her hotel room while watching the television series 13 Reasons Why. She never shared that detail with anyone.

Returning to the present, the speaker recounts how, a few weeks earlier, she accidentally broke a glass in her apartment. Rather than cleaning it up, she pushed the shards into a corner. Since then, every few days she steps on a tiny piece of glass. The experience does not cause pain; she simply accepts it as part of her new lifestyle. The poem ends by asking whether one can die from being in a persistently bad mood.

Key Events

A trip to Paris during which the pair cannot find the Arc de Triomphe and end up at Sephora.
Drinking pink wine by the water and discussing the lethality of rough fingering.
Eating McDonald’s alone and binge-watching 13 Reasons Why in the hotel room.
The speaker later breaks a glass at home but chooses not to clean it, instead sweeping the pieces into a corner.
Recurring incidents of stepping on a glass shard, which the speaker treats as an ordinary part of life.
The poem closes with the existential question of whether a bad mood can be fatal.

Character Development

The speaker is the sole character who evolves over the course of the poem. At the start, she is in a foreign city, half-heartedly participating in conventional tourist activities while also experiencing a private, mundane loneliness (fast food and a television show). The memory reveals a tendency toward isolated, slightly shameful behaviors. In the present, that tendency has deepened into a passive acceptance of domestic disorder and minor physical harm. The broken-glass episode shows a person who no longer bothers to fix small problems, preferring to let them persist until they become background nuisances. The final question hints at a growing concern that her emotional state might be as dangerous as physical negligence.

Themes, Symbols, or Motifs

Avoidance and neglect: The speaker does not clean up the broken glass, symbolizing a larger pattern of ignoring emotional or practical messes until they become routine. The same avoidance appears in the Paris memory—she does not correct the failed sightseeing plan but simply accepts the detour.
Loneliness and isolation: Whether in a romantic city or her own apartment, the speaker remains alone. The Paris anecdote is shared with someone else, yet the most intimate moment of the night (McDonald’s, the TV show) is kept secret, underscoring her isolation even in company.
Modern ennui and digital distraction: The poem explicitly mentions 13 Reasons Why and The Sims in its title. These cultural touchstones represent a retreat into screens and simulated lives, a hallmark of quarantine living. The title’s reference to downloading a game at age twenty-eight during quarantine frames the whole poem as a product of pandemic-era stagnation.
Mortality and triviality: The poem moves from a ridiculous cause of death (fingering) to a serious-sounding question about mood-induced death. In between lies the glass—a real, physical hazard that the speaker refuses to treat as dangerous. The juxtaposition suggests that modern life blurs the line between genuine risk and absurd worry.

Why This Chapter Matters

This chapter is one of the most direct engagements in God I Feel Modern Tonight with the psychological texture of quarantine. It distills the experience of time moving slowly, of small accidents becoming lifestyle quirks, and of loneliness that persists even during shared activities. The poem’s casual tone and abrupt shift from memory to present demonstrate Catherine Cohen’s skill at weaving everyday banality with emotional depth. It also encapsulates a key theme of the collection: the search for meaning in a world where grand gestures (the Arc de Triomphe) are replaced by consumerist detours (Sephora) and where happiness is measured by the absence of pain rather than its presence.

Study Questions

What does the broken glass symbolize in the poem?
The glass represents unresolved emotional or practical issues that the speaker chooses to ignore rather than confront. Each time she steps on a shard, she is reminded of her own neglect but does not change her behavior. The fact that the glass does not cause major injury suggests that some problems are survivable even when left unattended, yet the cumulative effect erodes her sense of safety and order.
How does the Paris memory contrast with the present-day apartment scene?
Paris appears romantic and social—rosé by the water, a companion, a city of light—but the memory quickly reveals the same isolation and shame that define the apartment. The speaker eats alone, watches a sad show, and refuses to tell anyone. The broken-glass episode is simply a later version of the same pattern: external circumstances differ, but the internal response (avoidance, numbness) remains identical. The contrast highlights that location does not cure loneliness; it only changes its backdrop.
What is the significance of the final question, “can you die from being in a bad mood?”
The question ties together the poem’s two threads—physical risk (the glass) and emotional state (the mood). The speaker has normalized stepping on glass, accepting it as part of her “new lifestyle.” She now wonders whether a prolonged bad mood might be similarly harmful, perhaps even lethal. The question is left open, implying that she does not know the answer and is not actively seeking one. It underscores the poem’s theme of passive endurance: she will keep living with the glass and the mood until something forces her to act or until she discovers the answer the hard way.