poem I wrote after I looked at your jawline and it ruined my life
⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.
Summary
The speaker begins by stating that she worries only when her body does not feel a familiar, uncomfortable sensation. She notes that several of her closest friends have chosen to attend weddings rather than stay in the city to listen to her complain about a person she kissed years ago. She takes the fact that someone is married as a personal slight, while she openly admits she loves physical height in others. The poem closes with a reference to a German word that captures the urge to destroy everything one owns, but she dismisses that impulse, saying she could simply sublet her apartment.
Key Events
- The speaker establishes that a lack of physical discomfort triggers her concern.
- She observes that friends prioritize weddings over listening to her past romantic grievances.
- She declares that marriage feels like a personal offense to her.
- She expresses a strong preference for tall partners.
- She considers an extreme destructive impulse but ultimately chooses a mundane solution (subletting).
Character Development
The speaker is presented as self-aware, anxious, and ironic. She treats her own emotional habits with a blend of seriousness and humor. Her attitudes toward marriage and physical attraction reveal a guarded, slightly mocking stance toward social norms, yet she is also vulnerable enough to take marriage as a personal slight.
Themes, Symbols, or Motifs
- Modern Dating Anxiety: The speaker’s focus on bodily discomfort and past kisses highlights the cyclical, obsessive nature of contemporary romantic thinking.
- Self-Deprecation: She frames her own fixations as trivial (complaints about a kiss from years ago) while acknowledging their emotional weight.
- Marriage as a Contest: The idea that someone else’s marriage is taken personally suggests a competitive or threatened view of committed relationships.
- Destructive Impulse vs. Practicality: The German word for wanting to burn everything contrasts with the mundane alternative of subletting, underscoring a tension between fantasy and reality.
Why This Chapter Matters
This short poem crystallizes the book’s central voice: a witty, neurotic observer of modern love. It offers a concentrated dose of the themes — jealousy, bodily awareness, and the gap between dramatic urges and ordinary life — that recur throughout Catherine Cohen’s work. The poem also demonstrates how Cohen uses humor to examine genuine emotional pain.
Study Questions and Answers
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Why does the speaker say she worries when her “pussy doesn’t feel weird”? The speaker uses this visceral image to suggest that a baseline of anxiety or discomfort has become her normal state. When that discomfort disappears, she feels unsettled, indicating that she equates emotional unease with authenticity or engagement.
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What does the speaker’s reaction to weddings reveal about her view of relationships? She takes marriage personally, as if a friend’s wedding is a rejection of her own priorities. This reveals a sense of competition or exclusion and a skepticism about traditional romantic milestones.
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Why does the poem end with a contrast between burning everything and subletting? The contrast dramatizes the speaker’s internal conflict between a dramatic, destructive impulse and a practical, resigned solution. It underscores her self-awareness: she recognizes the excess of her feelings but chooses a low-stakes action.