poem I wrote after I read an article on why it is so hard to go up stairs

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.

Summary

The poem opens with the speaker making eye contact with a stranger while loudly and lengthily burping as she crosses a street. She likens the street-crossing to the arcade game Frogger, then notes that the only video game she ever played was Mary Kate and Ashley: Magical Mystery Mall. That game was fun because it allowed her imaginatively to “be thin and blonde for a while.” Returning to the present, she acknowledges a wish to be thinner but immediately qualifies it: she has “all the working parts” and emphatically does not want to get hit by a car at all.

Key Events

The speaker burps loudly while maintaining eye contact with a stranger.
While crossing a street, she compares her movement to the video game Frogger.
She recalls her only gaming experience: Mary Kate and Ashley: Magical Mystery Mall.
She reflects that the game let her inhabit a thin, blonde persona.
The speaker admits it would be nice to be thinner, then counters that she values her body for its functioning parts.
She concludes with a firm statement against being hit by a car.

Character Development

The speaker emerges as a person who does not hide from embarrassing bodily functions. By making eye contact during a loud burp, she signals a blend of self-awareness and defiance. Her nostalgia for the Mary‑Kate and Ashley game reveals a childhood desire for an idealized appearance—thin and blonde—yet she treats that memory with a light, almost amused tone. The final lines mark a pivot toward grounded self-acceptance: she wants thinness but not at the cost of her working body or life. The character is comic, candid, and ultimately pragmatic.

Themes, Symbols, or Motifs Actually Evidenced Here

Social Embarrassment and Defiance: The burp‑eye‑contact moment is an unflinching display of vulnerability. The speaker refuses to look away, turning potential shame into a comic assertion of presence.
Body Image and the Artificial Ideal: The Mary‑Kate and Ashley game symbolizes media‑driven beauty standards. The speaker desired the temporary escape of being “thin and blonde” in a digital fantasy, contrasting with her real‑world body.
Nostalgia for Childhood Escapism: Recalling a single, specific game from childhood evokes a time when identity could be swapped through play. The mall setting of the game reinforces consumer culture’s promise of transformation.
Mortality and Self‑Preservation: The Frogger comparison and the final line create a subtext of life‑or‑death risk during a mundane act. The speaker values staying alive over altering her appearance, grounding the poem in bodily reality.
The Title’s Unanswered Question: The title references an article about the difficulty of climbing stairs, yet the poem never directly addresses that idea. Instead, it pivots to a moment of burping and crossing a street, suggesting that the speaker’s mind wanders from abstract difficulty to concrete, absurd experiences of the body.

Why This Chapter Matters

This poem encapsulates Catherine Cohen’s talent for using small, awkward moments to open up larger anxieties about femininity, body image, and mortality. In God I Feel Modern Tonight, it fits a recurring pattern of confessional, sharply funny reflections on modern womanhood. Despite its brevity, the poem layers nostalgia, media critique, and self‑deprecation into a tight, memorable piece. It shows how even a seemingly trivial incident—a burp, a game memory—can become a lens through which readers see their own negotiations with social norms and personal desire.

Study Questions and Answers

Why does the speaker make eye contact while burping, rather than looking away?
The eye contact suggests she refuses to hide her bodily sounds, turning an awkward moment into a power move. It matches her overall tone of owning embarrassment and highlights a defiance of social codes that demand bodily functions be concealed.
What does the Mary‑Kate and Ashley game represent in the poem?
The game offers a fantasy of thinness and blondeness that the speaker could briefly inhabit. It represents unattainable beauty standards promoted by media and the nostalgia for a time when such idealization seemed like simple fun rather than a source of pressure.
How does the final line about not wanting to be hit by a car reframe the earlier wish to be thinner?
The line brings the poem back to the physical dangers of crossing a street and asserts the value of the speaker’s current, working body. It undercuts the wish for thinness by prioritizing safety and life over appearance, grounding the poem in a practical survival instinct.