Chapter 35 Summary: love poem for my british lover

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.

Summary

The narrator addresses a British lover, imagining a past life where she was a wealthy tycoon and he was her wife. She apologizes for never taking him to Paris. In the present, at a casino, he promises they will stay until 4 a.m. She notices an old man eating noodle soup and asks what he loves about that scene. Back in New York, she admits she eats and sleeps well but feels sad about many things, turning them into a paste. She compares this love to a past relationship with an Orthodox Jewish man who ran away from her when they saw his friend in line for a Gatsby remake. She asks a series of rhetorical questions: about people paying to hear The Great Gatsby read aloud, about never being laughed out of a room for liking Catcher in the Rye, and about why she keeps joking that they will marry in Paris in the spring.

Key Events

The narrator describes a past-life fantasy as a tycoon with the British lover as her spouse.
She regrets never taking him to Paris in that imagined life.
At a casino, the lover vows to stay until 4 a.m.
The narrator observes an old man eating noodle soup and asks what the lover loves about that.
She reflects on her current state in New York: functional but sad and turned into a paste.
She recalls a former boyfriend (Orthodox Jewish) who fled from her when they encountered his friend at a movie theater.
She poses rhetorical questions about The Great Gatsby staged reading, Catcher in the Rye as a favorite book, and a repeated joke about a Paris wedding.

Character Development

The Narrator: Reveals herself as someone who romanticizes the past, compares lovers, and uses humor to mask vulnerability. She is self-aware about her sadness and her tendency to turn feelings into something manageable (paste). Her questions show a playful but searching personality.
The British Lover: Present as a promise-maker (staying until 4 a.m., future Paris wedding) but remains somewhat opaque; he is a listener and perhaps a foil to her memories.
The Orthodox Jewish Ex: Represents a past rejection tied to cultural and social embarrassment, highlighting the narrator's pattern of seeking love in complicated figures.

Themes, Symbols, or Motifs

Past Lives and Regret: The opening fantasy of a past life introduces the theme of alternate histories and the weight of unfulfilled promises (never taking him to Paris).
Performance of Love: The narrator performs a version of romance—joking about a Paris wedding, asking pointed questions—that blurs sincerity and irony.
Literary References as Identity: Mentioning The Great Gatsby and Catcher in the Rye situates the narrator within a cultural lexicon; she uses these texts to define herself and her relationships.
Transformation into Paste: A vivid image of sadness being processed into a homogeneous substance suggests emotional numbing or coping.
Casino Setting: The casino symbolizes chance, risk, and late-night intimacy, contrasting with the domesticity of New York life.

Why This Chapter Matters

This poem condenses Catherine Cohen’s signature blend of confessional vulnerability, acerbic humor, and pop-culture fluency. It demonstrates how she uses a simple romantic premise to explore deeper anxieties about love, rejection, and self-presentation. The chapter also foreshadows her ongoing fascination with performance and fantasy, and it reinforces the book’s central tension between genuine emotion and ironic detachment.

Study Questions and Answers

Why does the narrator compare her British lover to the Orthodox Jewish ex-boyfriend? What does this reveal about her approach to love?
The comparison highlights her pattern of investing in relationships that are either socially fraught or emotionally distant. The ex-boyfriend ran away from her in a moment of public shame, while the British lover promises future commitment (Paris wedding) but remains unproven. This reveals her tendency to romanticize unavailable or complicated partners.
What is the function of the rhetorical questions at the end of the poem?
The questions (about Gatsby reading, Catcher in the Rye as favorite, and the Paris wedding joke) serve multiple purposes: they challenge cultural norms, assert her identity, and deflect from direct emotional expression. They also invite the reader to consider how we perform knowledge and taste in relationships.
How does the image of turning sadness into a paste connect to the poem’s broader themes?
The paste symbolizes the narrator’s attempt to process complex emotions into something bland and manageable. This echoes the theme of performing love; she turns raw feeling into a smooth, repeatable story—much like the joking promise of a Paris wedding. It underscores the tension between authentic sadness and the polished version she presents.

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