Chapter 9: “poem I wrote after I went to the gym with someone I had sex with” – Summary and Analysis
⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.
Summary of Chapter 9
Chapter 9 is a single short poem whose title records the occasion of its composition: a trip to the gym with a sexual partner. The poem strings together three loosely connected observations. The first line frames mundane self‑care—washing one’s hair—as a marker of adulthood. Next, the speaker wryly claims that the only reliable way to detect a “definitely straight” person is if they post a photo of a building on Instagram. The final observations shift inward: looking at a phone feels like it could cause death, or worse, the failure to die. The poem closes with a sharp, ironic note about asking for space and receiving it—something that feels simultaneously logical and absurd.
Key Events of the Chapter
- The speaker reflects on the ordinary act of washing her hair as a sign of being an adult.
- She proposes a humorous social‑media test for heterosexuality: Instagramming a building.
- She confesses a visceral dread of staring at her phone, equating it with potential death or, worse, a living death.
- She describes the surprising (almost disappointing) result of asking a partner for space and being taken at her word.
Character Development
- The speaker (narrator): Though the poem is too short for traditional development, the speaker’s voice reveals a persona caught between irony and vulnerability. She is hyper‑aware of social codes (Instagram as identity signal) and of the emotional labor involved in modern relationships. The final line hints at a desire for boundaries yet a discomfort when they are actually respected, suggesting an internal conflict between wanting closeness and needing autonomy.
Themes, Symbols, or Motifs Actually Evidenced Here
- Adulthood as performance of the mundane: Washing hair becomes a small triumph of adult responsibility.
- Digital identity and anxiety: Instagram posts are used as shorthand for sexual orientation; the phone itself is framed as a source of mortal dread.
- The paradox of boundaries: Asking for space and receiving it should be a relief, but the poem treats it as “insane,” highlighting the emotional messiness of clear communication.
- Death and its alternative: The threat of dying from phone use is satirized by the even grimmer possibility of not dying—a motif that echoes throughout Cohen’s work.
Why This Chapter Matters
This chapter condenses the book’s signature blend of millennial humor and genuine unease into a handful of lines. Its brevity forces the reader to sit with each image, from the gym setting to the Instagram joke to the raw confession about phone anxiety. The poem also serves as a microcosm of Cohen’s preoccupation with the gap between what we say we want (space) and what we actually feel when we get it. For students of contemporary poetry, it demonstrates how a mundane diary‑entry moment can be transformed into a sharp commentary on dating, digital life, and emotional boundaries.
3 Study Questions and Answers
1. How does the poem define “being an adult”?
The opening line equates adulthood with the simple act of washing one’s hair. This suggests that Cohen sees adulthood less as a set of milestones and more as the accumulation of small, sometimes tedious self‑care tasks that feel like achievements in a culture that glorifies productivity.
2. What function does the Instagram reference serve?
The line about Instagramming a building is a satirical litmus test for heterosexuality. It mocks the way social media has become a performative space where identity is read through clichés (e.g., men posting architecture as a sign of straightness). The joke exposes the absurdity of relying on digital cues to understand each other.
3. What is the emotional effect of the poem’s final line?
The closing line undercuts the reader’s expectations: asking for space should lead to relief, but the speaker calls it “insane” when that request is honored. The twist reveals the speaker’s ambivalence—she wants boundaries but is unsettled when they are respected, hinting at a longing for the other person to fight for closeness.