Chapter 55 Summary: poem I wrote after I texted my therapist that I’m not pregnant

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.

Summary

In this brief confessional poem, the speaker catalogs a series of contradictory thoughts and experiences. She begins with physical complaints – hair growing from a facial mole and a stress-induced ulcer – then immediately pivots to self-assessment: she is smart, beautiful, terrible, and horny. The poem notes an ironic online interaction: an individual who previously insulted her (called her a cunt) has now liked her tweet about feminism, highlighting the strange overlap of harassment and performative allyship. Yet the poem’s emotional center is a sweet memory of laughing with a lover at Six Flags amusement park. The speaker recalls waiting an exceptionally long time for the front car of a roller coaster, to the point that by the time they boarded it was dark and raining. Despite the disappointment and discomfort, they still rode the ride together. This memory triggers a feeling of deep love for the whole world, countering the earlier bitterness and self-criticism. The poem captures the speaker’s raw, unfiltered inner monologue after texting her therapist to inform her she is not pregnant, weaving together body image, digital-age cruelty, past joy, and present uncertainty.

Key Events

The speaker describes a mole with hair and an ulcer, markers of bodily anxiety.
She lists contradictory self-attributes: smart, beautiful, terrible, horny.
She recalls that a person who once called her a cunt online later liked her feminist tweet.
She remembers laughing with a lover at Six Flags, feeling in love with the world.
They waited so long for the front car that night fell and it started raining.
They still got on the ride despite the conditions.
The poem is framed as a message to her therapist after confirming she is not pregnant.

Character Development

The poem’s speaker reveals a multifaceted identity. She is simultaneously self-deprecating (the mole hair, the ulcer) and boastful (smart, beautiful). She navigates online cruelty with wry awareness – noting the troll’s inconsistent support of feminism. The memory of her lover shows a capacity for vulnerability and nostalgia that softens her prickly exterior. Though the poem is not part of a continuous narrative, this single moment expands the speaker’s interiority: she is not just a comedian of pain but someone who can be swept into love by a shared, imperfect memory.

Themes, Symbols, or Motifs

Contradiction and Paradox: The speaker holds opposing self-images: terrible and good, beautiful and flawed, angry and in love. This mirrors the poem’s structure – shifting from physical disgust to romantic warmth.
Online vs. Real World: The troll who insults then likes a feminist tweet reflects the absurdity of digital interaction, where genuine connection and hostility coexist.
Memory as an Anchor: The Six Flags memory is a fixed point of happiness that reorients the speaker’s mood. It symbolizes a moment of pure connection despite circumstances (the long wait, the rain).
The Body as Evidence of Living: The mole hair and ulcer are physical manifestations of existence – the body is unruly and reacts to stress, yet the speaker is also “horny,” embracing bodily desire.
Confession and Therapy: The title frames the poem as a message to a therapist, making the entire piece a kind of therapeutic free-association – raw, uncensored, and seeking resolution.

Why This Chapter Matters

This poem encapsulates Catherine Cohen’s signature blend of self-deprecation, vulnerability, and ironic humor. It shows how modern life forces small crises (a troll, a mole hair, a pregnancy scare) and small joys (a memory, a shared ride) into the same mental space. The chapter is a microcosm of the collection’s larger themes: the struggle to find authentic emotion amid digital noise and bodily anxiety. It also demonstrates Cohen’s skill at making a few lines carry deep emotional weight, moving from comedy to tenderness.

Study Questions and Answers

Question: How does the speaker’s description of her body (“all this hair grows out of the mole on my face / and I’ve got an ulcer from being alive”) set the tone for the poem? Answer: These opening lines establish a tone of blunt, uncomfortable honesty. They ground the poem in the physical – flawed, painful, and awkward – which contrasts with the later romantic memory. The ulcer and mole hair symbolize the stress of being alive, undercutting any pretense of perfection.
Question: What other examples of contradiction appear in the poem beyond the speaker’s self-description? Answer: The online troll who called her a cunt later liking her feminist tweet is a clear contradiction: the same person participates in harassment and performs agreement. Also, the memory of the roller coaster wait initially seems unpleasant (long, dark, raining), yet the speaker remembers it fondly because it became a shared experience.
Question: Why do you think the poet chose to frame the poem with the information that she texted her therapist she is not pregnant? Answer: This framing signals that the poem is a confessional, free-associative response to a moment of relief (not being pregnant) and uncertainty (why did she feel the need to text?). It invites the reader into a private, therapeutic space and highlights how ordinary anxieties can trigger a cascade of thoughts about identity, memory, and connection.