Self-Worth Beyond Marriage in Huda Fahmy’s That Can Be Arranged

Huda Fahmy’s graphic memoir That Can Be Arranged traces her journey from a young woman who measures her value through male attention to someone who builds a sense of self independent of marital status. The central thematic claim is that genuine self-worth must be cultivated from within, not derived from a partner’s approval or the social pressure to marry. Fahmy models this growth by turning down a manipulative first suitor, focusing on self-improvement, and eventually entering a marriage built on mutual respect rather than validation. This analysis examines how the theme unfolds across three major plot stages, explores connections to key characters and symbols, addresses the tension between cultural expectations and personal growth, and offers study questions for deeper reflection.

The Thematic Claim: Self-Worth as an Internal Foundation

In the memoir, Huda initially believes that being chosen for marriage confirms her desirability and worth. She confesses that she tied her value to a proposal—a moment when a man saw her as “the most desirable woman” and chose to invest in her. This external validation trap nearly leads her to accept a proposal from a coworker who exhibits controlling behavior, dishonesty, and even insults her family. The turning point comes when she listens to her gut and declines the proposal, realizing that “maybe marriage didn’t have to be the end-all be-all of my life.” The thematic claim is that self-worth must precede partnership, and that learning to say no to an unhealthy relationship is a crucial step toward loving oneself.

Tracing the Theme Across Three Plot Stages

Stage 1: The First Proposal and the Courage to Say No

Chapter 6 details Huda’s first serious proposal from a coworker. Despite red flags—his stalking-like behavior, controlling tendencies, and lies—she struggles with the fear of never receiving another offer. Her internal monologue reveals the central conflict: “Could I really afford to pass on this guy? Would I ever get another chance at marriage? What if no one ever asked for me again?” By deciding to turn him down, Huda begins to uncouple her self-worth from male approval. She later reflects, “Is this what it feels like to have self-worth??” This moment is the catalyst for her journey. Importantly, her father’s disapproval acts as an external check, but the final decision is Huda’s alone. She chooses her own well-being over the fear of being single forever.

Stage 2: The Shift to Self-Love and Trust in Divine Timing

After rejecting the proposal, Huda enters a period of self-examination. In chapter 7, she admits she used to mold herself into what she thought a man would want, letting her own preferences fade. Turning down the stalkerish suitor ignited a fire inside her: she began to articulate what she truly wanted in a partner and stopped asking “what was wrong with me?” She takes religious studies classes about love, family, and faith, putting her trust in God rather than in securing a husband. This phase is marked by loneliness—she watches friends marry and her own parents divorce—yet she continues to prioritize personal growth. The narrative emphasizes that learning to love oneself is an ongoing process, not a destination. Huda’s worth is no longer tied to her relationship status; she is becoming whole on her own.

Stage 3: A Healthy Marriage That Reflects, Not Defines, Her Worth

When Huda finally meets Gehad through an Islamic conference arranged by Sheikh Z, the courtship is built on mutual respect, chaperoned meetings, and honest communication. Unlike the first proposal, this relationship does not ask Huda to shrink or perform. She brings her full self—her humor, her opinions, her loud zaghrouta at the kitab ceremony. The marriage becomes a partnership where both individuals are whole, not a validation of Huda’s worth. The memoir ends with Huda dancing at her walima, eager for the next chapter with a man who was “worth waiting for.” The implicit message is that she was already worthy before he arrived; his presence is a bonus, not the source of her identity.

Character and Symbol Connections

Character: Huda’s Father

Huda’s father serves as a gatekeeper who forces suitors to prove themselves. His stringent cross-examination of the first suitor—whom he dislikes—shows that he values Huda’s well-being over simply getting her married. By backing her decision to say no, he reinforces that her worth is not tied to being chosen. Later, he is equally tough on Gehad, but Huda appreciates his protective role. The father-daughter dynamic underscores that family can help affirm self-worth when they prioritize the daughter’s happiness over social timelines.

Character: Sheikh Z

Sheikh Z delivers pivotal advice that helps Huda reframe her view of partnership. In chapter 8, during a conversation about ideal partners, he challenges her fear of marrying someone spiritually ahead of her. She realizes that her fear of being a burden or a failure was rooted in low self-worth. Sheikh Z does not offer a matchmaker service but rather guides Huda to clarify her own values. His counsel empowers her to see marriage as a journey of growth rather than a test of her value.

Symbol: Penny the Doll

Penny, Huda’s childhood doll with a broken voice box, represents the moment her first romantic fantasy was shattered. The boy she liked broke Penny, literally silencing her beloved toy. This early experience ties romance to disappointment, but also teaches Huda that a crush is not worth sacrificing her own happiness. Later, refusing a bad proposal echoes this lesson: she protects her own “voice” by rejecting a partner who would silence or control her.

Symbol: The Zaghrouta (Ululation)

At her kitab, Huda defies expectations by performing her own loud zaghrouta, a traditional ululation of joy, rather than waiting to be greeted with it. This act of self-celebration symbolizes her reclaiming agency. She is not the shy, demure bride; she is an active participant in her joy. The zaghrouta becomes a sonic declaration of self-worth: she does not need others to validate her happiness.

Symbol: The Hijab

Though not a central symbol in this theme, Huda’s consistent choice to wear hijab—even in private scenes where she is drawn covered—reflects her commitment to her own identity. In the “Dear Reader” chapter, she explains that she never draws herself without hijab to avoid confusion. This boundary-setting mirrors her refusal to compromise her values for male approval. Her hijab is a visible marker of self-possession.

Addressing Complexity and Contradiction

The theme of self-worth beyond marriage is not presented as a clean, linear triumph. Huda admits she was lonely during the years between the first proposal and meeting Gehad. She signed up for a religious conference partly to “cure my loneliness” by immersing herself in books. This honesty complicates the message: valuing yourself does not erase the desire for companionship. The memoir acknowledges that it is possible to love oneself and still yearn for a partner. The key is that Huda no longer needs a partner to feel whole.

Another layer of complexity is the role of community and family pressure. Huda’s mother browses wedding gown magazines at the checkout; her friend gets engaged at 16; the unspoken rule is that by 25 you are “declared broken.” Huda internalizes this ticking clock, and even after the first rejection, she wonders if any proposal will come again. The memoir does not pretend that external pressures vanish. Instead, Huda shows that internal work can coexist with social expectations, and that one can eventually find a partner who respects that inner strength.

Finally, some readers might question whether the happy marriage undercuts the theme—perhaps the narrative suggests that self-worth does eventually lead to marriage, implying a reward system. Yet Huda’s framing is careful: she does not present Gehad as a prize for loving herself. She presents him as someone she met through qadr (destiny) after she had already done the hard work of self-acceptance. The marriage is a new chapter, not a validation of her identity.

Study Questions and Answers

How does Huda’s first proposal illustrate the conflict between external validation and internal self-worth?
Huda nearly accepts a proposal from a coworker who exhibits red flags—controlling behavior, dishonesty, and insults to her family—because she fears no one else will ask for her. She admits that her worth became “tied to his approval of me in the form of a proposal.” Turning him down marks her first step toward prioritizing her own judgment over the fear of being single.
What role does Huda’s father play in helping her develop self-worth?
Her father acts as a rigorous gatekeeper, cross-examining suitors and showing disapproval of the first candidate. By backing Huda’s decision to say no, he reinforces that her value is not determined by whether she gets married. His tough love teaches her that she deserves a respectful partner.
How does the symbol of the zaghrouta at the kitab ceremony connect to the theme of self-worth?
Huda performs her own loud ululation at her wedding, surprising her mother and defying the expectation of a shy, demure bride. This act of self-initiated celebration symbolizes that she is not waiting for others to validate her joy. She takes ownership of her own happiness, reflecting the inner self-worth she has built.
In what ways does the memoir complicate the idea that self-worth eliminates loneliness?
Despite learning to love herself, Huda admits she was lonely during the four years between rejecting the first suitor and meeting Gehad. She signs up for an Islamic conference partly to distract herself from loneliness. The memoir shows that self-worth does not erase the desire for companionship; it changes the relationship from a need to a want based on mutual respect.
How does Sheikh Z’s advice help Huda reframe her view of marriage?
Sheikh Z challenges Huda’s fear of being a burden to a more spiritually advanced partner. He helps her realize that she does not need to be perfect to deserve a good marriage. This conversation lifts a weight she did not know she carried, allowing her to see partnership as a journey of growth rather than a test of her value.