Family and Community Expectations: The Weight of the Clock in That Can Be Arranged

Introduction

In her graphic memoir That Can Be Arranged, Huda Fahmy chronicles her path to an Islamic arranged marriage against a backdrop of intense family and community expectations. From the unspoken deadline that labels unmarried women as “old news” by twenty-one to the watchful eyes of nosy aunties at every wedding, Huda navigates a world where personal worth often gets tangled with marital status. This analysis traces a single thematic claim: community expectations create a powerful, anxiety-ridden timeline for marriage, but Huda ultimately learns to respect tradition without surrendering her self-worth. The theme unfolds across three key phases of the plot, revealing both the pressure and the empowerment of choosing a partner on her own terms.

The Thematic Claim: Marriage as a Community Deadline

The book opens by establishing the rules and expectations that govern Huda’s life. From childhood, she absorbs the idea that marriage is not just a personal milestone but a communal marker of success. The author directly notes the “unspoken community standards” that deem a woman “broken” by age twenty-five. This external clock turns every birthday into a countdown and every wedding invitation into a reminder of what she lacks. Yet the memoir also shows that internalizing these expectations can lead to dangerous self-doubt. Huda’s journey is not a rejection of her community but a negotiation between its demands and her own dignity.

Phase One: The Clock Starts Ticking (Chapters 3–4)

The earliest evidence of community pressure appears in Huda’s childhood. After her five-year-old crush destroys her beloved doll Penny, she recalls being taught strict Islamic rules about gender relations: no alone time, no touching, no dating. At that age, she panics that she will never marry, but also declares she would rather be single than in a miserable marriage. This early conflict sets the stage for the tension between community expectation and personal happiness.

By age fifteen, the pressure intensifies. Huda describes the community standard that “if you weren’t married by 21, you were old news.” Her mother browses wedding magazines at the grocery store, and a friend announces an engagement at sixteen while Huda worries about AP Literature. The contrast between adolescent academic life and the sudden rush toward matrimony highlights how the community’s timeline feels arbitrary yet inescapable. The symbol of Penny the doll reappears not as a separate event but as a touchstone for the loss of childhood innocence—her first romantic fantasy ends in a broken voice box, foreshadowing how community expectations can silence personal desires.

Phase Two: Navigating Suitors and Self-Worth (Chapters 4–6)

Huda’s teenage and young adult years become a gauntlet of suitors and self-evaluation. She meets her first suitor at seventeen, but her parents doubted she was ready, and the encounter leads nowhere. In college, she befriends boys but harbors unrequited crushes. One rejection comes from a man who admits he does not find women in abaya attractive—a painful collision of community identity and personal desirability.

At weddings, Huda encounters “nosy mothers” who gossip, show off their daughters, and collect biodata for their sons. These aunties embody the community’s expectations: they are the gatekeepers of reputation, constantly assessing and evaluating. Huda’s father becomes a counterbalance; his intense interviews of potential suitors (detailed in Chapter 6) demonstrate family protection rather than pressure. When Huda’s first proposal arrives from a coworker, the community voice in her head whispers, “What if no one ever asks for me again?” She almost settles for a controlling, dishonest man out of fear. Her decision to turn him down marks the first major assertion of self-worth against communal pressure. The episode teaches her that marriage must not become a measure of her value.

Phase Three: Finding a Partner on Her Own Terms (Chapters 8–11)

The turning point comes when Huda takes active steps to find a spouse. She consults Sheikh Z, a religious figure who offers real talk about the fear of being a spiritual burden in marriage. Their conversation becomes “one of the most important of her life,” helping her release the weight of trying to be perfect. Sheikh Z functions as a wise community voice that supports rather than pressures.

When Huda meets Gehad, the process follows traditional channels: chaperoned calls, emails CC’d to her mother, and a formal meeting with both sets of parents. Yet she asserts her agency throughout. Her mother initially doubts the match, but Huda refuses to give up—she “took matters into her own hands.” The symbol of the zaghrouta (ululation) becomes powerful at the kitab ceremony. Instead of entering demurely, Huda walks in doing her own loud zaghrouta, much to her mother’s embarrassment. This moment encapsulates her negotiation: she honors the tradition (ululations are customary) but does so on her own terms, with joy and confidence rather than shyness.

The kitab and walima structure itself reflects community expectation—the two-part wedding separated by months. Huda allows her mother to plan, but she does not fade into the background. She dances at her wedding, “defying all aunty odds,” proving she can participate in community rituals without being dictated by them.

Complexity and Contradiction

The theme is not simply about resistance. Huda respects her community and its traditions; she wears hijab, values Islamic rules, and ultimately marries through an arranged process. The contradiction lies in how she must simultaneously accept the structure and carve out space for her own personality. For example, she once thought marrying a virtual stranger was unacceptable, but by the end, she embraces that very path—because she found a true partner. Another contradiction: she wanted desperately to be chosen, yet she rejected a proposal that met all external criteria. The community’s expectations are not monolithic; different voices (her father’s protectiveness, her mother’s social anxiety, Sheikh Z’s wisdom) pull in different directions.

The symbol of hijab underscores this complexity. Huda explains in her introductory letter that she never draws herself without hijab, even in private, to avoid confusion. The hijab is both a personal choice and a public marker of her community identity. It does not conflict with the zaghrouta—rather, both symbols coexist, showing that modesty and joyful self-expression are not opposites.

Study Questions and Answers

1. How does Huda’s childhood crush and the broken doll Penny foreshadow the theme of community expectations?
   Penny’s destruction coincides with Huda learning the strict rules of gender interaction. The episode teaches her that romantic fantasies can be broken, and that community expectations (no dating) may seem to threaten her future. It plants the early seed of panic about never marrying, but also her determination to avoid a miserable marriage.

2. What role do “nosy mothers” and aunties play in reinforcing community pressure?
   At weddings, these women gossip, collect biodata, and evaluate potential wives. They represent the communal gaze that judges Huda’s suitability and reminds her of her unmarried status. Their presence raises the stakes of every social appearance and contributes to the ticking clock she feels.

3. Why does Huda turn down her first proposal, and how does that decision reflect a shift in her self-worth?
   The suitor was controlling, dishonest, and insulted her family. Despite her fear that no one else would ask, she listens to her gut. The decision marks a recognition that her worth is not tied to a proposal; she would rather be alone than settle. It is a crucial step toward loving herself independent of community approval.

4. How does Sheikh Z’s advice help Huda reconcile personal fear with community expectations?
   Sheikh Z tells her that marrying someone at a higher spiritual level can make one feel like a burden, but that the right partner will help her grow. This counsel eases her anxiety about being “good enough” and allows her to approach marriage as a partnership rather than a judgment of her worth. It transforms community guidance into personal liberation.

5. In what way does the zaghrouta at the kitab ceremony symbolize Huda’s negotiation between tradition and individuality?
   Traditional brides enter demurely, but Huda performs her own ululation, shocking her mother. By taking an active, loud role in a ritual that typically expects passive modesty, she claims ownership of the tradition. She honors the community’s custom while injecting her own joyful spirit, showing that expectation and self-expression can coexist.

Conclusion

That Can Be Arranged presents family and community expectations as both a burden and a framework. The pressure to marry by a certain age nearly erodes Huda’s confidence, but it also leads her to a Sheikh Z, a supportive family, and eventually Gehad. Her journey demonstrates that community standards do not have to be rejected wholesale; they can be adapted, questioned, and ultimately fulfilled in a way that preserves one’s selfhood. The clock may tick, but Huda learns to set her own pace.