First Suitor (Coworker) Character Analysis: That Can Be Arranged
Overview
The first suitor—a coworker from Huda’s nonprofit job—appears in Chapter 6 of That Can Be Arranged. He is the first man to propose marriage to Huda after she graduates college. Although the relationship never formalizes beyond initial interest, his role is pivotal: his proposal and subsequent rejection force Huda to confront her deepest insecurities about worth, marriage, and self-love. The suitor is never named, which underscores his function as a catalyst rather than a fully developed character. Fahmy portrays him through a mix of flattery, creepy behavior, and controlling red flags, making him a cautionary figure in her memoir.
Plot Role
The suitor’s proposal arrives at a moment of vulnerability. Huda has just finished college with no marriage prospects, feeling “old news” by community standards (Chapter 4). He approaches her at work, confessing he used to watch her from the student union—a detail that initially feels romantic but quickly reveals a troubling lack of boundaries. His role is to tempt Huda with the very thing she thinks she wants: validation through male approval. Accepting him would mean settling for a man her father distrusts and who exhibits lies, control, and insults toward her family. His presence tests Huda’s ability to say no, and his poor reaction to her rejection confirms she made the right choice. In the larger narrative, he serves as the opposite of Gehad, the man she later marries, highlighting the difference between a suitor who diminishes her and one who respects her.
Motivations and Traits Shown Through Actions
The suitor’s primary motivation appears to be possession rather than partnership. He tells Huda he thinks she is “cute and funny,” but his actions reveal deeper issues:
- Stalking-like behavior: Knowing the make and model of her car and watching her exit it from a distance long before they worked together is presented as a red flag. Fahmy explicitly calls it “kinda creepy.”
- Control and dishonesty: When Huda’s father interrogates him, he is caught lying. He also tries to insult Huda’s family to provoke a reaction, a classic manipulation tactic.
- Reacting poorly to rejection: After Huda turns him down, he becomes “a real psycho,” which retroactively validates all her doubts.
These traits are not interpreted—Fahmy states them directly. What is interpretable is that his behavior stems from a desire to own Huda rather than to know her. He never inquires about her personality beyond superficial compliments; he does not respect her boundaries or her family’s vetting process.
Chronological Arc
- Before the proposal: Huda notices him as a coworker but had never paid much attention. She recognizes him from college, where he had silently watched her.
- The proposal: He approaches her at work, declares interest, and goes through the formal step of asking her father for permission.
- Father’s interrogation: Huda’s father sees through him immediately, finding him unimpressive. The suitor lies and shows his controlling side during this process.
- Huda’s internal dilemma: Despite the red flags, Huda fears this might be her only chance at marriage. She contemplates ignoring her gut.
- Rejection: Huda listens to her instincts and says no.
- Aftermath: The suitor reacts badly, removing any regret. Huda begins a four-year journey of self-love, eventually meeting Gehad at an Islamic studies conference (Chapter 7).
Relationships
- With Huda: One-sided and built on projection. He likes the idea of her rather than her true self. Huda’s attraction is largely based on flattery—being wanted for the first time.
- With Huda’s father: Antagonistic. The father’s thorough interrogation exposes the suitor’s weaknesses, and he is rejected as unsuitable.
- With Huda’s mother: Initially positive—her mother liked him—but Huda’s mom’s approval is not enough to override the red flags.
- With the community: The suitor represents the type of proposal that community norms produce: one that values availability over compatibility. His presence highlights the pressure Huda faces to accept any offer.
Key Decisions and Consequences
| Decision | Consequence |
|---|---|
| Huda recognizes the creepiness of being watched but rationalizes it | She nearly accepts a proposal from a controlling person |
| She listens to her gut despite fear of being alone | She gains self-respect and avoids a miserable marriage |
| She rejects him, even after he reacts poorly | The experience forces her to detach her worth from male approval |
| She chooses not to date secretly and instead trusts in God (qadr) | Four years later, she meets Gehad, who is genuinely compatible |
The key interpretation here is that Huda’s decision to say no was “one of the hardest” she ever made, but it taught her that marriage is not the ultimate measure of her value. The suitor’s bad reaction confirmed that her gut was correct.
Theme and Symbol Connections
The first suitor directly connects to several themes explored elsewhere on the site:
- Arranged Versus Forced Marriage: The suitor’s proposal is arranged in the sense that it follows community norms (he asks Huda’s father), but his controlling behavior and his anger at rejection blur the line. Huda’s ability to say no distinguishes an arranged offer from a forced one.
- Self Worth Beyond Marriage: This is the core lesson of Chapter 6. Saying no to her first proposal becomes a turning point in Huda’s journey to self-love. She realizes she had been molding herself for male approval.
- Family and Community Expectations: The pressure to marry by 21, the nosy mothers at weddings, and the stigma of being single—all converge in this suitor. Huda almost caves to those pressures.
- Trust in Divine Destiny (Qadr): Turning down the suitor allows Huda to place her trust in God. Chapter 7 directly follows, where she attends a conference and meets Gehad—she calls it qadr.
- Chaperoned Courtship and Modern Tradition: The suitor follows the formal path of asking her father and arranging chaperoned meetings (though none occur before rejection). His failure to pass the father’s test shows the importance of family vetting.
Symbolically, the suitor represents the trap of settling for less. He is the “what if” that Huda must overcome to reach her true match. His car-watching also symbolizes objectification—he saw her as a car (a possession) rather than a person.
5 Book-Specific Questions with Direct Answers
1. Why did Huda consider marrying the first suitor despite the red flags?
Huda feared she would never get another chance at marriage. She had tied her self-worth to being chosen, and the proposal felt like proof that she was desirable. The prospect of being alone terrified her more than the warning signs.
2. What specific red flags did the first suitor exhibit?
He knew the make and model of her car from watching her on campus, which was controlling. He lied during her father’s interrogation. He insulted her family to provoke a reaction. After rejection, he reacted in a way Huda calls “psycho.”
3. How did Huda’s father influence her decision about this suitor?
Huda’s father conducted a rigorous interrogation and was “not impressed.” His disapproval gave Huda permission to listen to her own doubts. She later appreciated him as “a master interrogator and the first line of defense.”
4. What did Huda learn about herself from rejecting this proposal?
She learned that marriage is not the end-all-be-all of her life. She realized she had been molding herself for male approval, and saying no ignited a fire of self-worth. The experience taught her to trust her instincts and value herself beyond a proposal.
5. How does this suitor contrast with Gehad, Huda’s eventual husband?
The first suitor was controlling, dishonest, and disrespectful to her family. Gehad, by contrast, is respectful, passes her father’s test, and supports her personality. The suitor’s negative traits highlight Gehad’s compatibility in the later chapters.