The Symbolism of Lily's Journals in It Starts with Us

Introduction

In It Starts with Us, the handwritten journals that Lily Bloom shares with Atlas Corrigan do more than fill in backstory. They become a concrete object symbolizing vulnerability, confession, and the courage to revisit trauma. As Lily and Atlas rekindle their relationship as adults, the journals allow them to bridge the thirteen-year gap between their teenage years and the present. This analysis examines what the journals literally are, where they appear in the novel, how their meaning shifts, and how they connect to major characters and themes.

What Are Lily’s Journals?

Lily’s journals began when she was a teenager as letters written to talk-show host Ellen DeGeneres. They record her secret relationship with Atlas, her feelings about leaving for Boston, and the violence that separated them. In the present-day timeline of It Starts with Us, Lily carries one of these journals with her and eventually allows Atlas to read it. The journal is a physical artifact of the past—a collection of pages filled with private thoughts that had never been shared with anyone.

The Journals as a Bridge Between Past and Present

During their first date as adults, Lily falls asleep from exhaustion. Atlas, rather than waking her, reaches into the backseat, takes the journal, and reads it from the beginning. This act transforms the journal from a private record into a shared experience. Atlas reads her description of their first kiss and later writes his own “Dear Lily” letter on his phone, reciprocating the vulnerability. The journal gives Atlas access to parts of Lily’s teenage heart that he never witnessed firsthand. He realizes how instrumental his presence was to her survival, just as she had been his lifeline during his homelessness.

Later, Atlas hides behind a dumpster waiting for a suspected vandal. He passes time by reading the same journal. The entries become painful when he reaches the night Lily’s father attacked him with a baseball bat. Reading Lily’s account fills in the gaps in his own memory and forces him to confront the trauma he had tried to run from. Here, the journal is not a romantic keepsake but a mirror reflecting shared suffering.

How the Symbol Evolves

Initially, Lily’s journal is a secret space she guards. She hesitates to let Atlas read it, joking that when she wakes up from sleeping on the date, her embarrassment proves how private the pages are. Once she sees his reaction—tenderness and a desire to reciprocate—the journal becomes a catalyst for deeper honesty. Atlas’s reading inspires him to write his own note, which he leaves under her door months later during their six-month anniversary. In that note, he corrects Lily’s memory of their first kiss, arguing that the real first kiss happened when she nursed him through a stomach bug. He describes feeling her touch while he was ill and realizing he loved her. This exchange shows that the journals have evolved from one-sided confession to a dialogue reaching beyond the written page.

By the end of the novel, the journals are less a tool for processing private pain and more a foundation for the couple’s adult trust. Lily tells Atlas that she used to think about him whenever she doubted herself after Ryle’s abuse. “Every time I would doubt myself … all I had to do was think about you, Atlas,” she says. The journals, though physically present only in flashbacks and references, haunt the narrative as proof that their bond survived separation, abuse, and silence.

Character Connections

Lily Bloom: The journals are her emotional outlet and a tool for healing. After divorcing Ryle, she keeps a list of the reasons she left in her jewelry box—a condensed, factual version of the same protective function the journals once served. Sharing the journal with Atlas marks her choice to trust him with her most vulnerable self.

Atlas Corrigan: For Atlas, reading the journal is an act of “stealing a page from your playbook.” It gives him permission to reveal his own traumatic childhood with an abusive mother and a violent stepfather. The journal humanizes his past and softens his guilt about leaving Lily when he was eighteen. It also directly influences his present behavior: he refuses to call the police on the teenage vandal because he recognizes in that boy his own destitute younger self.

Ryle Kincaid: Though absent from the scenes where the journal is read, Ryle is the reason Lily’s journal entries turned dark. In chapter twenty, Lily explains that Ryle threw her down the stairs after finding Atlas’s phone number, and bit her shoulder after reading the journals and discovering her tattoo’s origin. The journals become a trigger for Ryle’s violence, reinforcing the theme that a partner’s jealousy can weaponize intimate history.

Ellen DeGeneres (as addressee): She remains an unseen audience figure. Lily’s letters to Ellen allow her to speak freely without fear of judgment. This narrative device reinforces the journal’s role as a confessional space.

Themes Illuminated by the Journals

• Healing from domestic abuse: Lily uses the journal to affirm that the abuse was not her fault. The concrete list in her jewelry box mirrors the journal’s function: a tangible record of why she had to leave. Learn more about this theme.
• Second chances: The journal physically travels from Lily’s teenage to adult hands, symbolizing that a love story interrupted can be resumed. Explore second chances.
• Family secrets and reconciliation: Atlas’s “Dear Lily” note reveals the abuse he endured from his mother, a secret he had guarded for years. Read about family secrets.
• Chosen family: Atlas’s friend Theo becomes an unexpected mentor; he helps Atlas decipher the journal’s significance and supports the move. See chosen family connections.
• Co-parenting and boundaries: Lily’s need for privacy (asking for her apartment key back) is strengthened by her commitment to protecting her daughter, a lesson reinforced by the journals. Learn about co-parenting.

Study Questions and Answers

1. How does the act of sharing the journal change the relationship between Lily and Atlas?
   Answer: It deepens their intimacy by granting Atlas access to Lily’s teenage perspective, which he never witnessed. It also encourages him to reciprocate vulnerability, writing his own confession and allowing them to heal old wounds together.

2. Why does Atlas write a “Dear Lily” letter on his phone after reading her journal?
   Answer: He wants to reciprocate the vulnerability Lily showed him and to fill in the gaps about his own traumatic past. The letter explains his childhood with an abusive mother and reveals that he fell in love with Lily when she nursed him through illness, not during their first formal kiss.

3. In what way do Lily’s journals help her survive Ryle’s abuse?
   Answer: The journals serve as a private space to process the violence and later as a reference point when self-doubt creeps in. She imagines how Atlas would have reacted differently in each abusive situation, which helps her recognize that the abuse was never her fault.

4. What does Atlas discover about the night Lily’s father beat him, and how does that affect him?
   Answer: Reading the final entry reveals Lily’s panic, her father’s heroization by the town, and her subsequent isolation. Atlas realizes she did not need protecting from the truth—she needed him to share his struggles. This insight pushes him to be more present and open in their adult relationship.

Conclusion

Lily’s journals in It Starts with Us are far more than nostalgic artifacts. They function as a concrete symbol of shared history, a tool for healing abuse-related shame, and a two-way street for emotional honesty. Through the act of reading and writing in return, Lily and Atlas transform a private teenage diary into the foundation of a resilient adult partnership. The journals remind us that revisiting painful memories, when done with someone who truly sees us, can be a source of strength rather than pain. For a deeper look at the characters who bring these journals to life, visit the Lily Bloom and Atlas Corrigan character pages.