Theo: The Unlikely Mentor in It Starts with Us

Overview

Theo is a twelve-year-old boy whose father, Brad, works as a chef at Atlas's restaurant. He becomes an unpaid, self-appointed therapist to Atlas, offering blunt advice about texting, relationships, and life. Despite his age, Theo possesses emotional intelligence far beyond his years. He is one of the first people to whom Atlas reveals his past, and Theo, in turn, trusts Atlas with his own secret. Theo's presence in the story underscores themes of chosen family, trust, and the power of non-judgmental listening.

Plot Role

Theo appears at key moments throughout It Starts with Us, acting as Atlas's confidant and comic relief. In Chapter Three, he advises Atlas on how to handle the silence after their morning reunion, noting that Lily has memorized Atlas's number—a sign of possible interest. In Chapter Seven, he admits to liking a boy from math club, and Atlas corrects his own assumption, showing Theo that he is safe. Later, in Chapter Nineteen, Theo meets Atlas's younger brother Josh and helps Atlas understand Josh's reputation as a "bully to bullies." By the wedding in Chapter Thirty-Seven, Theo is still teasing Atlas, but he stands beside him as part of his chosen family.

Motivations and Traits Shown Through Actions

Theo's primary motivation appears to be genuine curiosity about people and a desire to be useful. He spends hours with Atlas after school, asking questions and giving opinions. His bluntness—calling Atlas "lame" or mocking his cheesy lines—comes from a place of affection, not cruelty. When Theo realizes Atlas has used the wrong pronoun ("Who is she?"), he hesitates, and Atlas corrects himself to "he." Theo then confides his crush, showing that he trusts Atlas's reaction. This moment reveals Theo's courage and his need for acceptance.

Theo is also observant. In Chapter Nineteen, he describes Josh as "the better kind of mean," protecting nice kids from bullies. This shows Theo can see nuance in people, even those who seem threatening. His willingness to befriend Josh—a boy who once spray-painted the restaurant—demonstrates empathy and a lack of prejudice.

Chronological Arc

Theo's arc is subtle but significant. At the start, he is simply a boy who wants to practice being a therapist. He teases Atlas but also gives sound advice. When he reveals his crush on a boy, he takes a risk; Atlas's unwavering support deepens their bond. Theo then becomes a bridge between Atlas and his brother Josh: he helps Atlas understand Josh, and he and Josh become friends. By the end of the novel, Theo attends Atlas and Lily's wedding. He jokes about Atlas's vows but also shows he cares. He is no longer just a kid practicing therapy; he is a trusted member of the family Atlas is building.

Relationships

Atlas: Theo treats Atlas as both a friend and a client. He pushes Atlas to be bold with Lily and calls him out when he's being cowardly. Atlas, in turn, treats Theo with respect, never dismissing his advice. Their relationship is one of mutual mentorship—Atlas teaches Theo about cooking and life, while Theo teaches Atlas about honesty and vulnerability.

Brad (his father): Brad is a good father who works hard. He is unaware of Theo's sexuality, and Theo fears telling him. Atlas reassures Theo that Brad is a good person, hinting that the revelation will come in time. Their relationship is warm but guarded; Theo keeps part of himself hidden.

Josh: Theo meets Josh after Josh moves in with Atlas. He quickly assesses Josh's character, telling Atlas that Josh is not mean to nice kids. Theo and Josh bond over manga and become allies at school. Theo's acceptance helps Josh feel less alone.

Lily: Theo does not interact directly with Lily much, but he knows her through Atlas's stories. He jokes about meeting her and teases Atlas about being awkward. When Lily moves in, Theo is part of the group that helps unpack. His presence signals that Atlas's life now includes a young person who looks up to him.

Key Decisions and Consequences

1. Confiding in Atlas about his sexuality: Theo chooses to trust Atlas when Atlas corrects his pronoun. This decision strengthens their bond and gives Theo an ally. The consequence is that Theo now has a safe adult to talk to, and Atlas becomes an even more protective figure.

2. Befriending Josh: When Josh arrives, Theo could have kept his distance, but instead he engages with him. He explains Josh's social role to Atlas and later invites Josh to join a pride parade. This decision helps Josh integrate into the new school and gives Theo a peer who understands him.

3. Continuing to tease Atlas: Theo never stops joking about Atlas's corny lines. This playful dynamic keeps their relationship light and honest. It also gives Atlas a sense of normalcy and humor during a stressful time. The consequence is that their friendship remains authentic.

Theme and Symbol Connections

Theo is central to two major themes: chosen family and second chances. He chooses Atlas as a mentor and friend, even though they are not related. He is also given a second chance by Atlas, who never judges him for being young or inexperienced.

The symbol of the "shore" from Finding Nemo recurs through Theo's teasing. Atlas uses the phrase "we finally reached the shore" to describe his hope with Lily. Theo mocks it mercilessly, but in Chapter Thirty-Six, when he deciphers Atlas's metaphor for Josh, he reveals that he understands the deeper meaning: safety, arrival, and belonging. The shore becomes a symbol of the safe harbor that Atlas, Lily, Theo, and Josh find in one another.

Five Questions and Answers

1. Why does Theo call himself Atlas's therapist?
Theo wants to be a therapist when he grows up. He practices on Atlas by asking questions and giving advice, even though Atlas is older. Atlas plays along, and their sessions become a real source of comfort for both.

2. How does Theo help Atlas understand Josh?
When Atlas asks if Josh is nice, Theo explains that there are "different kinds of mean." He says Josh is a "bully to the bullies," meaning he protects vulnerable kids. This insight helps Atlas see Josh's behavior as a survival mechanism rather than cruelty.

3. What secret does Theo share with Atlas, and why is it significant?
Theo shares that he likes a boy from math club. This is significant because it is the first time he has told anyone, and he fears his father's reaction. Atlas's immediate acceptance—correcting his pronoun and promising confidentiality—shows Theo that he is safe and loved.

4. How does Theo react to Atlas's wedding?
Theo teases Atlas up to the last minute, threatening to read his vows. But he also helps find Josh and stands by Atlas as a witness. His teasing is a sign of affection, and his presence at the wedding proves he considers Atlas family.

5. What role does Theo play in the "chosen family" theme?
Theo is not related to Atlas by blood, yet he becomes one of Atlas's closest confidants. He also bonds with Josh, another non-blood relative. Together, they form a family built on trust and mutual support, embodying the novel's message that family is who you choose.

For further exploration of the story, see the full book overview, themes of healing from domestic abuse, and our ending explained.