It Starts with Us: Questions and Answers

Dive into the world of It Starts with Us with these 15 questions grounded in the novel’s text. Each answer connects to specific chapters, characters, and themes to help you understand the story’s deeper layers. Use the links to explore related content on our site.

1. Why does Atlas change Lily’s contact name from “Kincaid” to “Bloom” in Chapter One?

Atlas edits Lily’s name to Bloom to symbolically separate her from her ex-husband Ryle. The change reflects his hope that she is ready for a new beginning. Evidence context: In Chapter One, Atlas waits anxiously for a text from Lily after their morning encounter. He sees she is still listed as “Kincaid” and switches it to her maiden name, a quiet act of reclaiming her identity. Interpretation: This small gesture foreshadows Atlas’s role in helping Lily move forward, underscoring the theme of second chances.

2. Why does Lily hide Atlas in the closet when Ryle arrives at the flower shop in Chapter Six?

Lily panics because she knows Ryle’s violent jealousy would erupt if he saw Atlas. She prioritizes avoiding conflict over honesty, even though it complicates her budding relationship. Evidence context: In Chapter Six, Atlas brings homemade pasta to the shop. Allysa warns that Ryle is coming, so Lily shoves Atlas into her office closet. Ryle briefly questions the pasta but leaves. Interpretation: The closet scene highlights the central tension: Lily’s fear of Ryle’s reactions versus her desire for a relationship with Atlas. It also shows how Ryle’s abuse still controls her actions.

3. What is the significance of the tattoo on Lily’s shoulder?

The heart-shaped tattoo hides Ryle’s bite scars, representing Lily’s attempt to cover physical and emotional wounds. Atlas associates it with the night Ryle hurt her in the emergency room. Evidence context: In Chapter Twenty, Atlas sees the tattoo while helping Lily zip her dress. He becomes distant, and Lily explains Ryle bit her during a jealous rage. She kept imagining how Atlas would have acted kindly. Interpretation: The tattoo becomes a symbol of healing — not erasing the past but reclaiming the narrative. Atlas later kisses the area to overwrite traumatic memories.

4. How does the “list” Lily keeps in her jewelry box help her?

The list enumerates Ryle’s abusive acts, reminding Lily why she divorced him. Reading it reinforces her resolve when guilt or doubt creeps in after interactions with Ryle. Evidence context: In Chapter Four, after Ryle angrily returns her apartment key, Lily retrieves the list. It includes incidents like the slap, the push down stairs, and the bite. She runs her finger over the scarred tattoo. Interpretation: The list is a tool for self-preservation. It anchors Lily to reality, countering the gaslighting and emotional manipulation Ryle still attempts through co-parenting.

5. What does Josh’s “seedling” family tree mean in Chapter Thirty-One?

Josh decides to draw a tiny seedling with only two branches — his and Atlas’s — instead of a large tree with absent parents. It symbolizes their choice to form a new family rooted in loyalty and love. Evidence context: After choosing not to meet their biological father Tim, Josh tells Atlas he’ll draw a “baby seedling” that starts with “us.” Atlas feels warmth and promise. Interpretation: The seedling becomes the novel’s central metaphor for chosen family. It directly echoes the book’s title and Atlas’s vow to build a life with Lily and Josh.

6. Why does Atlas refuse to call the police on the teen vandals in Chapter One?

Atlas remembers stealing food when he was homeless and sees himself in the desperate teens. He chooses empathy over punishment, hoping to offer them a second chance. Evidence context: In Chapter One, Darin wants to report the break-in that only stole croutons. Atlas confesses his own past theft and declines. Later, in Chapter Eight, he repeats this reasoning to Lily. Interpretation: Atlas’s refusal echoes the kindness Lily showed him as a teenager. It demonstrates his commitment to breaking cycles of judgment and extending grace.

7. How does Theo serve as a mentor to both Atlas and Josh?

Theo, a twelve-year-old, offers blunt advice about texting and relationships. He also explains Josh’s reputation as a “bully to bullies” and later comes out to Atlas, who reassures him. Evidence context: In Chapter Seven, Theo tells Atlas to just text Lily. In Chapter Nineteen, he describes Josh’s protective nature. In Chapter Thirty-Six, Theo mentions going to a pride parade. Interpretation: Despite his age, Theo acts as an emotional compass. He normalizes vulnerability and models trust, helping Atlas become a better guardian and friend.

8. What is Ryle’s reaction when Lily asks for her apartment key back in Chapter Four?

Ryle immediately threatens to change the custody arrangement and demand overnights with Emerson. He uses their child as leverage to punish Lily for asserting boundaries. Evidence context: Chapter Four details the dinner scene where Lily asks for the key. Ryle says he’ll “just start keeping her overnight” and suggests modifying custody. Lily counters that Emerson must be able to talk first to report any incidents. Interpretation: Ryle’s response exposes his controlling nature. Lily’s condition — that Emmy can talk — reveals her deep fear of unreported abuse, a direct consequence of Ryle’s past violence.

9. Why does Atlas write a letter to Lily instead of kissing her on their first date?

Atlas reads Lily’s teenage journal while she sleeps in his car and is overwhelmed by her past trauma. He writes his own perspective to honor vulnerability and take things slow. Evidence context: In Chapter Eleven, Lily falls asleep before dinner. Atlas reads her journal entry about their first kiss and the subsequent attack by her father. He cancels the reservation, writes a note, and takes her for fast food. Interpretation: By choosing the letter over a physical gesture, Atlas prioritizes emotional intimacy. His “Dear Lily” note recounts his own childhood abuse, fostering mutual trust and setting a foundation for healing.

10. How does Lily’s mother’s memory of Atlas affect the story in Chapter Thirty-Six?

Lily’s mother reveals she always remembered Atlas from Maine, having caught them asleep years ago. Instead of reacting with fear, he hugged her. This memory strengthens Lily’s decision to move forward with Atlas. Evidence context: In Chapter Thirty-Six, after bringing Emerson home, Lily’s mother mentions the night she found them sleeping. She recalls how Atlas hugged her — a moment of unexpected kindness. Interpretation: The revelation provides external validation for Lily’s choice. It also links past and present, showing that Atlas’s goodness was always evident, even to those who barely knew him.

11. What is the “shore” metaphor that Theo decodes in Chapter Thirty-Six?

Theo explains that Atlas’s “shore” is Lily — a place of safety and stability where he can rest after life’s storms. The metaphor comes from a discussion while watching Finding Nemo. Evidence context: In Chapter Thirty-Six, Josh and Theo watch the movie. Theo deduces that when Atlas talks about the shore, he means Lily. Atlas later confirms this idea. Interpretation: The shore metaphor reinforces the theme of home as a person, not a place. It echoes Atlas’s vow to Lily that she is his “favorite person” and that being with her feels like coming home.

12. Why does Atlas offer his mother Sutton weekly Tuesday dinners in Chapter Thirty-Three?

Atlas demands she sign over custody of Josh but offers weekly dinners to give her a chance to be part of his life. The offer is conditional on her behavior and is not forgiveness — it’s a test. Evidence context: In Chapter Thirty-Three, Atlas cooks coconut shrimp, Sutton’s favorite from a Cape Cod trip. He confronts her neglect and establishes the dinner condition. She agrees to consider it. Interpretation: The dinners represent a fragile bridge. Atlas protects Josh while leaving a small door open for Sutton, showing his capacity for measured compassion without sacrificing boundaries.

13. How does Josh’s decision not to meet his father Tim change Atlas?

Josh’s choice reaffirms Atlas’s belief in chosen family and healing through honesty. Seeing Josh reject Tim gives Atlas closure regarding his own absent father and strengthens their bond. Evidence context: In Chapter Thirty-One, Josh watches Tim drink beer and realize he has a truck but never visited. Josh refuses to meet him, flips him off, and proposes the seedling family tree. Interpretation: Josh’s maturity frees Atlas from guilt about his own past. It solidifies their brotherhood and motivates Atlas to build a stable home, directly influencing his decision to propose to Lily later.

14. Why does Lily demand anger management and supervised visits for Ryle in Chapter Thirty-Two?

After Ryle physically pins her against a door in Chapter Twenty-Four, Lily decides she must enforce stricter boundaries. With Allysa’s intervention, she insists on anger management and supervised visits to protect Emerson. Evidence context: In Chapter Thirty-Two, Allysa orchestrates a sit-down dinner. Lily lays out her demands; Ryle initially resists but eventually agrees to a supervised visit on Thursday. Interpretation: This scene marks Lily’s shift from passive fear to active protection. She uses her support system to reclaim power, ensuring Emerson’s safety and forcing Ryle to face consequences.

15. How do Atlas’s wedding vows in Chapter Thirty-Seven reflect the novel’s themes?

Atlas acknowledges that half of marriages fail but sees that as a reason for gratitude, not fear. He vows to cherish every moment, whether their marriage lasts a day or decades, adding humor and optimism. Evidence context: In Chapter Thirty-Seven, Atlas reads his vows privately. He references divorce statistics and his luck in loving Lily twice in a lifetime. His friends then escort him to the ceremony. Interpretation: The vows perfectly capture “second chances” and “optimistic realism.” Atlas doesn’t ignore life’s fragility; instead, he commits fully to the present, honoring both Lily and the hard-won journey that brought them together.

For more insights, explore our detailed ending explanation, character studies of Lily Bloom and Atlas Corrigan, and the themes of healing from domestic abuse and chosen family.