Hilda: A Character Analysis from I Think We've Been Here Before

Overview

Hilda is Nora’s mother and Marlen’s wife in Suzy Krause’s novel I Think We’ve Been Here Before. She anchors the Saskatchewan farmhouse while grappling with two converging catastrophes: her husband’s terminal cancer and a gamma ray burst predicted to end most life on Earth. To cope, she paints murals across every room of the house, transforming the walls into a gallery of memory and longing. Her arc moves from denial and envy toward a reluctant acceptance, culminating in a final, quiet understanding of love and impermanence.

Plot Role

Hilda is the emotional center of the farmhouse and a secondary point-of-view character whose actions drive much of the family drama. She convenes the Thanksgiving dinner where Marlen’s cancer diagnosis is announced (Chapter 2), and she is the first to feel a powerful déjà vu linking that moment to the later apocalyptic news (Chapter 4). Her frantic attempts to reach Nora in Berlin (Chapter 4, 8) highlight the distance—geographical and emotional—between mother and daughter. Her painting obsession becomes a narrative thread that tracks her psychological state: the kitchen mural, the dining-room pastoral scene, the bathroom sky, and finally Nora’s bedroom birds (Chapters 43, 55). Late in the story, she plays a key role in gathering the family (including the lonely shopkeeper Alfie) for the end (Chapter 67).

Motivations and Traits Shown Through Actions

Hilda’s primary motivation is to hold her family together against forces she cannot control. She values honesty, as seen when she confronts Marlen about hiding his cancer from Nora (Chapter 8). Yet she herself struggles with honesty about her own feelings: she tells Marlen she cannot finish his book because the subject is too painful, but the deeper reason is envy—Marlen has achieved peace with dying, and she has not (Chapter 28, evidence). This envy and sense of being left behind drives much of her grief.

Her painting is not a hobby but a desperate form of preservation. She works through the night, adjusting details obsessively, trying to “save” her family through accurate likenesses (Chapter 45, evidence). When a teenager at the hardware store tells her that, with the end approaching, “everything matters the same amount,” Hilda’s worldview shifts from “nothing matters” to a more hopeful, egalitarian perspective (Chapter 28, evidence). She abandons safe cream paint for bold, outrageous colors, symbolizing a release from durable, long-term thinking.

She is also fiercely protective and clingy. After the apocalypse announcement, she retreats to bed with Nora’s cat, irritable at Marlen’s calm (Chapter 8). Her phone calls to Nora become frantic, and she searches for a lost necklace—a gift from Nora—as a stand-in for her missing daughter (Chapter 20). Yet she can also be generous: she offers a side-hug to Alfie, a woman everyone assumed was not a hugger, breaking a lifetime of polite distance (Chapter 70, evidence).

Chronological Arc

• Early (October–November): Hilda announces Marlen’s cancer. She feels déjà vu when the gamma ray burst is reported. She argues with Marlen about honesty and tries to reach Nora.
• Mid (November): Hilda refuses to believe Irene’s letter claiming the apocalypse is a hoax, calling it wishful thinking (Chapter 26, evidence). She starts painting the kitchen mural, dedicating herself to capturing her family’s happiness.
• Late (Late November to December): Unable to stop, she paints the dining room, then the bathroom, then plans the whole house (Chapter 45). She finally finishes Marlen’s book and admits she loved its hopeful ending (Chapter 55). She joins the family at Irene’s house, gathering Alfie on the way (Chapter 67).
• End: She has no significant action after that; her arc is one of coming to emotional terms.

Relationships

With Marlen: They share a deep, long marriage, but the cancer creates strain. Hilda resents his peaceful acceptance and spends much of the story trying to reach him emotionally. She envies his ability to move on without her. Yet she also shows tenderness: she pulls a recliner into the kitchen so he can watch her paint, and after reading his book, she tells him he is a prophet and hopes the happy ending is true (Chapter 55, evidence).

With Nora: Hilda longs for Nora’s return with an ache that manifests in the bird mural in Nora’s bedroom. She feels guilty for not being able to control her excitement when Nora is finally coming home (Chapter 27). The lost necklace is a symbol of their bond.

With Irene: The sisters share a fraught relationship. Hilda dismisses Irene’s hopeful letter, but later, when Irene leaves hurt, Hilda reconsiders and offers to read the articles (Chapter 26, evidence). Their tension mirrors the world’s unease.

With Alfie: Hilda perceives Alfie as someone who gives without expecting return. At the end, Hilda initiates a side-hug, revealing a new willingness to connect.

Key Decisions and Consequences

• Deciding to paint the kitchen after failing to read Marlen’s book leads to an ongoing mural project that becomes her primary coping mechanism.
• Choosing bold paint colors over safe ones reflects a break from thinking about durability, allowing her to embrace the present.
• Reading Marlen’s book helps her accept his death and find comfort in the story’s hopeful ambiguity.
• Inviting Alfie to join the family at the end shows Hilda’s growth toward inclusivity and love beyond her immediate family.

Theme and Symbol Connections

• Déjà vu and repetition: Hilda experiences déjà vu when the gamma ray burst is announced, linking the apocalypse to Marlen’s cancer (Chapter 4). The novel’s title suggests these moments have happened before.
• Grief and mortality: All of Hilda’s actions are forms of grief work. She is unable to accept death until she finishes Marlen’s book, which frames death not as an end but as a transformation.
• Family bonds under crisis: Hilda’s drive to gather everyone—including Alfie—shows that crisis can strengthen rather than shatter family ties.
• Denial vs. acceptance: Hilda’s refusal to read the book and her dismissal of Irene’s letter are acts of denial. Her eventual acceptance comes through art and love, not intellectual agreement.
• Art as coping: The murals are Hilda’s way of “saving” her family on the walls. The hardware store girl’s philosophy—everything matters equally—gives her permission to paint without concern for permanence.

Five Book-Specific Questions and Answers

Why does Hilda start painting the kitchen in Chapter 27?

She is halfway through Marlen’s book but cannot finish it because the subject hits too close to home. The deeper reason is envy: Marlen has achieved peace with dying, and she has not. Painting gives her an excuse to avoid the book and also creates a welcoming environment for Nora’s homecoming.

How does Hilda react to Irene’s letter claiming the apocalypse is a hoax?

Hilda dismisses the letter as wishful thinking and compares it to Jehovah’s Witnesses trying to convince her the end is near. She offends Irene, who leaves the café hurt. Later, Hilda offers to read the articles to make Irene feel heard, but she never changes her mind.

What does the bird mural in Nora’s bedroom symbolize?

The bird mural represents Hilda’s love for Nora and her attempt to preserve Nora’s passion for birds. It is the last mural she paints, showing that Nora is the final person she needed to “fix” in her art. The mural reflects her hope that the family can survive the ending as a transformed memory.

Why does Hilda initially envy Marlen after reading his book?

She admits that reading the book made her jealous of Marlen’s acceptance of death. He completed his lifelong dream and made peace with dying, while she still feels terrified and unable to catch up emotionally. This envy is the hidden reason she set the book down repeatedly.

How does Hilda change by the final chapter?

In the final chapter, Hilda takes the initiative to find Alfie and bring her along to Irene’s house. She offers a side-hug to Alfie, breaking a lifetime of assumed distance. This action shows her growth from clinging desperately to her own family to extending grace to others, even those who have always been alone.