Chapter 19: Simon and Baz – Intimacy, Vulnerability, and Identity
⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.
Summary
After an emotional breakdown during an intimate moment, Simon lies on Baz’s bed fighting shame and the urge to flee. Baz stays close, reassuring Simon that he doesn’t mind comforting him. Simon struggles to believe he can give Baz what he wants, but Baz insists he wants more only with Simon. To distract from his own discomfort, Simon offers to accompany Baz on his nightly rat hunt. During the hunt, Simon bluntly offers his own blood as a food source, horrifying Baz. Their conversation shifts to Simon’s sexual identity: Simon admits he never thought about his orientation and reveals that his three-year relationship with Agatha felt like going through the motions. Baz confesses he has no previous partners. The chapter ends with Baz covered in rat blood, still hunting, and Simon asking to watch him finish – a request Baz grants, unable to deny Simon anything.
Key Events
- Simon has a crying spell after a failed sexual attempt and tries to leave; Baz physically restrains him and insists he doesn’t mind.
- Baz dismisses Simon’s shame, saying Simon’s breakdowns are part of where they are now.
- Simon suggests they hunt rats together; Baz reluctantly agrees.
- While hunting, Simon offers his own blood to Baz, who reacts with anger and refuses.
- Simon catches a live rat and hands it to Baz to kill.
- The pair discuss Simon’s past stalking of Baz; Baz asks directly about Simon’s sexuality.
- Simon reveals he never labeled his orientation; he had sex with Agatha but says it felt automatic and unprocessed.
- Baz admits he has no previous romantic or sexual partners.
- After Baz drinks from several rats, Simon turns around and asks to watch; Baz gives in.
Character Development
Simon Snow
Simon moves from paralyzing self-doubt to a tentative willingness to be present. He openly acknowledges his insecurities about sex and his inability to “process” feelings, a term he borrows from therapy. His offer to let Baz drink his blood shows a profound trust and a desire to normalize Baz’s vampire nature. Simon’s admission that his relationship with Agatha was hollow signals a growing self-awareness.
Baz (Basilton Pitch)
Baz demonstrates remarkable patience and tenderness, consistently reassuring Simon without pushing him. His anger at Simon’s blood offer reveals his deep fear of harming Simon. Baz’s own vulnerability surfaces when he admits he has never been with anyone else and when he struggles to ask about Simon’s history with Agatha. His final line, “As if I could ever deny him,” underscores his deep care.
Themes, Symbols, or Motifs
- Vulnerability and Trust: Simon’s breakdown and Baz’s refusal to leave establish a new level of emotional intimacy. The rat hunt becomes a literal and figurative “cleansing” of their past hostility.
- Blood as Offering: Simon’s offer of his own blood symbolizes a complete surrender of control and a desire to accommodate Baz’s nature. Baz’s rejection highlights his fear of becoming a monster in Simon’s eyes.
- Identity and Labels: Simon’s confusion about his sexuality contrasts with Baz’s certainty. The chapter argues that actions and feelings matter more than labels, as Simon states, “Maybe that just makes me yours.”
- The Mundane Monstrous: The rat hunt strips vampirism of its romance, replacing it with messy, gritty reality. Baz’s comment about laboratory mice reinforces the shame he feels.
Why This Chapter Matters
This chapter deepens Simon and Baz’s relationship by moving past the honeymoon phase of their confession. It forces both characters to confront their biggest fears: Simon’s fear of inadequacy and Baz’s fear of harming Simon. The rat hunt serves as a bridge between their magical world and their mundane reality, allowing them to share a grotesque but honest routine. Simon’s unpacking of his past with Agatha is a crucial step in his emotional growth, and Baz’s patience solidifies him as a reliable partner. The chapter also normalizes discussions of sexual identity without requiring a tidy label, emphasizing that love can exist without full self-knowledge.
Study Questions and Answers
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Why does Simon offer his blood to Baz, and why does Baz react so strongly?
Simon offers his blood to show that he accepts Baz’s vampire nature and wants to remove the shame around it. Baz reacts with horror and anger because he has spent years controlling his hunger around Simon; the offer tempts him to break that control and risks turning Simon into a monster. -
How does Simon’s description of his relationship with Agatha reveal his emotional state?
Simon describes his time with Agatha as “going through the motions” and says he never had to “process” his feelings. This indicates he avoided emotional labor and used Agatha as an escape from his own turmoil. His present refusal to do the same with Baz shows his growth. -
What does the rat hunt symbolize for Simon and Baz’s relationship?
The rat hunt symbolizes their willingness to share the most disgusting and vulnerable parts of themselves. It transforms a previously solitary, shameful act for Baz into a shared ritual. Simon’s insistence on watching Baz drink reinforces his commitment to seeing all of Baz, even the monstrous parts.