Secrets and Lies in The Things We Never Say

Thematic Claim: Secrets as Both Bond and Barrier

In The Things We Never Say, Elizabeth Strout builds a world where withholding the truth is not a singular act of malice but a complex survival strategy. Secrets weave through every relationship—between spouses, parents and children, friends, and even strangers—creating fragile connections that sustain people while simultaneously isolating them. The novel argues that hidden truths can deepen love and compassion, yet they also impose a loneliness that the epigraph’s Carl Jung quote identifies: the inability to communicate what matters most. Through the interlocking deceptions of paternity, suicide planning, theft, and hidden affairs, Strout shows that every character carries an unknowable inner universe, and the act of revealing—or concealing—a secret reshapes their world.

This analysis traces the theme across three major plot strands: Artie Dam’s concealed suicidal intentions, the decades-long lie about Rob’s parentage, and the smaller but no less significant secrets held by minor characters. Along the way, key symbols such as the sailboat, the stolen comb, Reginald’s letter, and the memory of confectionary sugar deepen our understanding of how secrets operate.

The Weight of a Secret: Artie’s Hidden Suicide Plan

From the opening chapters, Artie Dam leads a double life. Outwardly he is a dedicated teacher who jokes with students and colleagues, but inwardly he has been planning his death for two months. After saying goodbye to his friend Flossie in June and teaching his first classes in September, the narrative reveals his methodical consideration of methods—drowning seems most plausible because he can take his sailboat far out and slip away without suspicion. He even researches car crashes but rejects them out of concern for other drivers.

This secret becomes a performance. Artie continues to eat breakfast with his wife, grade papers, and attend parties while obsessively watching crime dramas at night. The sailboat emerges as a powerful symbol of both escape and concealment: it offers a private space where Artie might end his life, yet later, after he abandons the suicide plan, sailing brings him genuine peace. The secret of his mental state creates a profound divide between Artie and everyone around him. His wife Evie sees him as considerate but irritating; she remains unaware of the despair beneath his calm surface. The loneliness Artie experiences is not the absence of people but the absence of honest communication, exactly as Jung’s epigraph warns.

The secret is eventually disclosed through action rather than words. When Artie tells Danny Marino that he also wants to “say fuck you to the world,” he shares a fragment of his hidden truth, and that moment of vulnerability helps Danny endure his own family troubles. Yet Artie never tells Evie about his suicidal thoughts. The secret remains his private burden, one that lifts only when a burst of uncontrollable laughter at Flossie’s party signals the end of his death wish. The sailboat, once a tool for ending his life, becomes his refuge.

The Paternity Lie: A Rift at the Family’s Core

The most consequential secret in the novel is the truth of Rob’s paternity. Reginald MacDonald’s letter, written as he lies dying, informs Rob that his biological father is not Artie but Reginald himself. The letter exposes a years-long deception by Evie, who never told Artie that she had an affair with Reginald because she struggled to conceive. Artie initially refuses to believe it, but DNA evidence confirms the truth.

This secret fractures the family in ways both subtle and profound. Artie and Rob agree to keep the knowledge from Evie, creating a new bond between father and son even as it deepens the chasm between husband and wife. Artie begins lying by omission, refusing to tell Evie what he knows. The novel captures his internal conflict: he feels anger that his wife lied for twenty-eight years, yet he also recognizes that she may have stayed silent to protect their family. He tells his friend Kenneth Moynihan, making Ken the sole confidant, but he cannot bring himself to confront Evie directly. The secret becomes a quiet war of power and preservation.

The irony is that this lie also produces a deeper love. Rob tells Artie that he loves him even more after learning the truth; the revelation does not diminish their bond but strengthens it. Yet the shadow of the lie lingers. When Evie eventually discovers the letter after Artie’s death, she speaks of her husband as a saint, perhaps to assuage her own guilt. The paternity secret demonstrates that a lie can protect a relationship while also creating an unbridgeable distance between the people who share it.

Smaller Deceptions, Shared Burdens

Surrounding the central deceptions are a constellation of smaller secrets that illuminate the same theme. Flossie Macdonald confesses to having had an affair, her heavy drinking and bright red glasses masking a life of unspoken pain. Rhonda Lazarre steals Artie’s pillowcase and treasures it as a keepsake, a secret that shows how a student’s attachment to a teacher can cross into private obsession. The stolen comb that Artie takes from a store triggers a memory of his sister Maria eating confectionary sugar in secret—a childhood transgression that, like all secrets, carries both sweetness and shame.

Even Artie’s professional life is shaped by hidden truths. When he catches Danny Marino vandalizing a wall, he chooses not to report him, instead helping the boy erase the graffiti. This shared secret creates a lasting bond: Danny learns that adults have “secrets and they were serious and sad,” and that knowledge comforts him as his parents’ marriage unravels. Artie’s own early attempt at shoplifting—the comb and two shirts—remains hidden, a reminder that the line between right and wrong blurs under emotional strain.

These smaller deceptions serve as mirrors to the larger lies. They show that secrets are not always destructive; sometimes they offer solace or prevent unnecessary harm. Yet they also accumulate. The novel’s epilogue reveals that after Artie’s death, Evie finds a photo of Artie with Rhonda and Danny, and she refuses the young woman’s request to speak at the funeral—a final act of secrecy that preserves Evie’s own version of her husband.

The Complexity of Secrecy: Protection, Power, and Loneliness

Strout refuses to offer easy judgments about secrets and lies. Artie hesitates to tell Evie the truth about Rob because he worries it might destabilize her; he also recognizes that keeping the secret gives him a sense of power. Evie, we learn, carried the paternity lie for decades because she believed it was necessary. Neither character is entirely selfish or entirely noble. The novel suggests that absolute honesty is often impossible in intimate relationships, and that people must sometimes choose between truth and kindness.

The contradiction lies in the loneliness that all this secrecy creates. Artie’s hidden suicide plan isolates him; Evie’s paternity secret leaves her estranged from her son after his death; Rob’s knowledge of the truth separates him from his mother. Yet the shared secret between Artie and Rob draws them closer. The sailboat, initially a symbol of covert escape, becomes a place where Artie finds peace alone—a solitary peace that is not the same as intimacy. The confectionary sugar memory of Maria eating sugar in secret captures the double nature of hidden truths: they can be innocent, joyful, or shameful, but they always separate the person from the group.

In the end, the novel does not resolve the tension. Artie dies without telling Evie that he knows about Reginald. Evie lives out her years calling him a saint. Their marriage was built on unspoken truths, and it both sustained and damaged them. The theme of secrets and lies in The Things We Never Say teaches that what we choose not to say can be as powerful as what we speak aloud.

Study Questions and Answers

1. How does Artie’s secret suicide plan affect his relationships with Evie and Rob?
   Artie’s hidden despair forces him to perform normalcy while planning his own death. He eats breakfast with Evie, jokes with colleagues, and even advises Rob on life decisions, but he is emotionally absent. The secret creates a wall between them; Evie never sees his true state, and Rob remains unaware until after the crisis passes. Artie’s eventual sharing of his feelings with Danny Marino shows that he can only reveal his inner turmoil to a relative stranger, highlighting the isolating effect of the secret.

2. What does the letter from Reginald MacDonald reveal about the nature of secrets in this novel?
   The letter exposes a lie that has shaped the Dam family for decades. It shows that secrets can be motivated by love (Evie wanted a child, Artie wanted to protect his family) but also by ego (Reginald admits he is telling Rob for his own pride). The letter’s discovery does not destroy Rob and Artie’s bond—it strengthens it—but it permanently alters Artie’s relationship with Evie. The letter is a physical object that carries the weight of years of silence.

3. How does the stolen comb episode connect to Artie’s larger emotional state?
   Artie shoplifts a comb and later attempts to steal two shirts after learning about Rob’s paternity. The act is impulsive and out of character, revealing his inner turmoil. The comb also triggers a memory of his sister Maria secretly eating confectionary sugar, a childhood transgression that suggests Artie has always carried hidden impulses. The theft is a small rebellion against the weight of the lies in his life, and his guilt afterward shows that he cannot fully escape his conscience.

4. Why does Artie choose not to report Danny’s vandalism?
   Artie sees his own desire to rebel in Danny’s act. When Danny asks why Artie does not blame him, Artie replies that he also wants to say “fuck you to the world.” By keeping the secret, Artie gives Danny a model of empathy and teaches him that adults can be trusted with vulnerability. The shared secret becomes a private moment of connection that changes Danny’s perspective and helps him cope with his parents’ struggles.

5. In what ways does the sailboat symbolize both secrecy and freedom?
   Initially, the sailboat is part of Artie’s suicide plan: he imagines sailing out and drowning, a death that could be mistaken for an accident. Later, after he no longer wants to die, sailing becomes a solitary pleasure that brings him peace. The sailboat is a private space where Artie can be alone with his thoughts—both his darkest secrets and his moments of release. It represents the duality of secrecy: it can be a prison of loneliness or a sanctuary of freedom, depending on the heart of the person who sails it.