Confectionary Sugar Memory: The Unknowable Inner Worlds in The Things We Never Say

What Is the Confectionary Sugar Memory?

In Elizabeth Strout’s The Things We Never Say, the confectionary sugar memory appears as a childhood image recalled by the protagonist, Artie Dam. Literally, it is a scene from Artie’s past in the cellar of his family’s apartment in Revere, Massachusetts. He pictures his younger sister Maria standing in the cellar, her face covered in powdered sugar. The narrative tells us she was “just looking for something sweet.” The sugar is real—confectionary sugar, the fine white powder used for baking—but the memory is fleeting and sensory, not described in full detail. It arrives in Artie’s mind at two crucial emotional moments, always tied to his awareness of the hidden depths within other people.

Where Does the Memory Recur?

The confectionary sugar image appears twice in the novel, both times in Chapter 7:

During Artie’s uncontrollable laughter with Flossie: While dining at Spud’s, Flossie makes a drunken joke about the newly elected president “shaking things up.” Artie begins to laugh, but the laughter is not joyful; it is a release of sorrow, fear, and love. The narrative shifts directly into the memory: “And he thought of his sister then, in the cellar of their childhood apartment, with the confectionary sugar all over her face. Just looking for something sweet.” This is the first explicit mention.
In Artie’s solitary reflection after Christmas: Earlier in the same chapter, Artie sits alone by his Christmas tree, thinking about how many unspoken truths surround him—Evelyn Peabody’s suicide attempt, his own suicidal thoughts, Ken Moynihan’s political loyalty, and Evie’s long-held secret about Rob’s father. He muses, “Poor Maria eating that confectionary sugar. That had been a secret.” He then connects this to his growing realization: “every single person … held within themselves a vast, unknowable universe.”

The memory is thus deployed sparingly but with high emotional weight. It never appears in the front matter, epigraph, or earlier chapters. Its placement at the climax of Artie’s personal crisis (his abandonment of suicide plans) and during his post-Christmas introspection locks it into the novel’s core concerns about secrecy, loneliness, and the limits of knowing even those we love.

How Does Its Meaning Change?

The meaning of the confectionary sugar memory evolves across its two occurrences, driven by Artie’s shifting emotional state and his accumulating life experience.

First occurrence (with Flossie): The memory surfaces as Artie’s “awful laughter” breaks through his despair. He has just decided he will not kill himself, but the laughter is a chaotic, sorrowful sound. The sugar image appears unadorned: his sister in the cellar, face powdered, seeking sweetness. Here, the memory primarily carries a sense of childhood innocence and deprivation. The sugar is a simple, almost pathetic comfort in a dim cellar. It underscores the poverty and emotional hunger of Artie’s upbringing—his mother Mary O’Reilly was mentally unstable, the family struggled, and Maria herself was a sweet girl who “only wanted sweetness in her life.” At this point, the memory is a testament to the vulnerability of those who cannot articulate their needs.
Second occurrence (Christmas reflection): Artie explicitly labels it a secret: “Poor Maria eating that confectionary sugar. That had been a secret.” Here, the memory transforms into a symbol of the unknowable inner worlds of others. Artie is not just recalling his sister’s action; he is acknowledging that he, as a brother, never fully understood what drove her—nor did anyone else. The sugar becomes emblematic of every hidden desire, pain, or act that people carry alone. In this context, the memory is no longer just about Maria; it becomes a microcosm of the human condition as Artie now perceives it. The meaning shifts from a specific, nostalgic detail to a universal statement about the isolation of the self.

Thus, the memory progresses from a private, poignant image of a sibling’s longing to a philosophical emblem of how every person contains a private world that can never be fully communicated—a direct echo of the epigraph’s definition of loneliness as the inability to communicate what is personally important.

Character and Theme Connections

Character Links

Artie Dam: The memory belongs to Artie; it is a touchstone of his childhood. He returns to it when he is at his most emotionally raw. The fact that he never discusses this memory with anyone (not Evie, not Rob, not Flossie) reinforces his own isolation. Artie is a history teacher who has spent his life studying the public record, yet the memory reminds him that the most important histories are private.
Maria Dam: Mentioned only through this memory and brief references, Maria is a ghost in the text. She “only wanted sweetness in her life,” according to Artie. She never reappears as an adult—she is dead by the time of the novel, though the circumstances are not detailed. She functions as a cipher for the vulnerability and secrecy of childhood. The confectionary sugar is her only vivid trace.
Flossie Macdonald: Though not directly connected to the sugar, Flossie is the catalyst for the first remembrance. Her drunken, sorrowful laughter triggers Artie’s own laughter and the subsequent release. Flossie herself has secrets (her affair with Ed Merrill), and Artie notes their friendship has become “false.” The sugar memory surfaces precisely because Artie feels he no longer truly knows Flossie.
Ken Moynihan: In the second recurrence, Artie is reflecting on Ken—a man who loves him yet supports a president Artie loathes. Ken is “the opposite of an evil person,” yet Artie realizes he does not fully know Ken. This realization directly precedes the thought of Maria and the sugar secret. Ken’s unknowability mirrors the symbolic sugar.

Thematic Connections

Secrets and Lies: The memory is explicitly called a secret. The novel is saturated with secrets: Artie’s suicidal planning, Evie’s concealment of Rob’s paternity, Flossie’s affair, Ken’s politics, Evelyn Peabody’s suicide attempt. The confectionary sugar memory is the first secret Artie identifies from his own life, establishing that secrecy begins in childhood and persists into adulthood.
Loneliness: The epigraph defines loneliness as the inability to share what is important. Maria could not explain why she ate the sugar; Artie could not share that he knew about it. Later, Artie feels he cannot tell anyone about his suicidal thoughts or his near shoplifting. The sugar memory embodies the loneliness that comes from carrying unspoken truths.
Free Will: Late in the novel, Artie no longer thinks much about free will; he is getting tired. The confectionary sugar memory suggests a deterministic view: Maria, like Artie, was shaped by her environment—the cold cellar, the absent comfort. She sought sweetness because she lacked it. Artie’s recognition that “it was not anybody’s fault” and that people are vast, unknowable universes aligns with a quiet resignation about agency.
Parenthood and Fatherhood: The memory appears in the context of Artie’s thoughts about his own father (Arthur Dam, a mild, hardworking man) and his role as a father to Rob. The sugar recollection is linked to Artie’s realization that he does not truly know Evie or Rob’s inner lives. The limits of knowing intersect directly with fatherhood: Artie cannot fully protect or understand his son any more than his father could understand him or Maria.

Study Questions and Answers

Why does the confectionary sugar memory appear during Artie’s laughter with Flossie?

Answer: The memory emerges as Artie’s laughter becomes a mask for profound sorrow. He has just decided not to end his life, but the relief is mixed with grief for the future of his country, his son, and his friendships. The confectionary sugar image of his sister seeking sweetness parallels his own desperate search for meaning in a moment of emotional collapse. It grounds his abstract despair in a concrete, childhood image of vulnerability, making the release possible.
How does Artie’s labeling of the memory as a “secret” alter its significance in the novel?

Answer: In his Christmas reflection, Artie explicitly states that his sister’s eating of confectionary sugar was a secret. This transforms the memory from a simple nostalgic detail into a symbol of the hidden lives that all people carry. It becomes the private real-world evidence for his later epiphany that “every single person … held within themselves a vast, unknowable universe.” The memory moves from personal to universal, linking directly to the novel’s themes of loneliness and unspoken truths.
What does the confectionary sugar reveal about Artie’s relationship with his own past?

Answer: The memory shows that Artie’s past is not resolved or fully understood. He returns to the image decades later, still wondering about his sister’s motives and what his childhood meant. It suggests that Artie, a history teacher who studies the past, finds his own history opaque. The sugar memory is a fragment that resists complete interpretation, mirroring his later acceptance that people are unknowable—even to themselves.
In what way does the confectionary sugar memory connect to the novel’s epigraph about loneliness?

Answer: The epigraph (Carl Jung’s definition of loneliness) states that loneliness arises from the inability to communicate what is personally important or to hold views others reject. Maria’s act of eating sugar in the cellar was never communicated; it remained a secret that only Artie witnessed. The sugar itself—a sweet substance—is what she sought but could not articulate. Artie’s inability to share this memory with anyone (he only thinks it) exemplifies the epigraph’s concept. The memory thus serves as a narrative embodiment of the epigraph’s thesis.