Chapter summaries The Collected Regrets of Clover Mikki Brammer

Chapter 39 Summary, Analysis, and Study Notes

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.

Summary

Three days after her twenty-third birthday, Clover is crammed into a hot, overcrowded bus traveling from Takéo province to Phnom Penh, Cambodia. She is finishing a two-month study of Cambodian Buddhist death traditions and plans to fly home via Singapore, hoping to arrive in New York in time for her usual Sunday breakfast with her grandfather. The journey is miserable—heat, chicken manure, and body odor make her nauseated—but she is sustained by the thought of sharing her research with him.

The chapter flashes back to a phone call Clover made to her grandfather a few days earlier. She had snuck out of her hostel to use a communal rotary phone, and they spoke warmly. She described what she had learned about Buddhist death practices: monks often attend the dying to help prepare them for rebirth, and some believe the soul lingers near the place of death, sometimes confused or frightened, so a monk must calm and guide it onward. Her grandfather responded with admiration, calling it a privilege to help usher someone into the next life.

Back in the present, the bus stops at a gas station for a twenty-minute break. Clover buys water and stands by a fan, then decides to check her email at a pay-per-minute internet kiosk. She finds six messages: a flight reminder, a request from a former classmate, and four emails from Charles Nelson, a longtime colleague of her grandfather at Columbia University. The first few ask her to call urgently; the final one, sent an hour earlier, bluntly states that her grandfather passed away the previous day.

Clover calls Charles from a pay phone. He tells her that her grandfather likely suffered a stroke, was found slumped in his office chair by a janitor, and died alone. Clover is stunned and barely able to speak. The bus horn blares, and she forces herself to reboard, knowing she must catch her flight. Once back in her seat, she becomes numb to the heat and noise, fixated on the image of her grandfather dying alone in his dark office—with no one there to guide him through death, despite everything she has learned about the importance of presence at the end of life.

Key Events

  • Clover is on a bus in Cambodia, returning from a two-month study of Buddhist death traditions, three days after her twenty-third birthday.

  • She recalls a recent phone call with her grandfather in which she explained Buddhist beliefs about guiding dying souls and the soul's lingering after death.

  • The bus stops at a gas station, and Clover checks email, discovering four messages from Charles Nelson.

  • The final email reveals that her grandfather died the previous day.

  • Clover calls Charles, who reports that her grandfather died of a stroke, alone in his office, found by a janitor.

  • Clover reboards the bus, numb and haunted by the thought that her grandfather died without anyone to guide him.

Character Development

Clover is thrust from intellectual curiosity into personal grief. Throughout the chapter, she is portrayed as someone deeply invested in death rituals, yet she is utterly unprepared for the reality of losing her grandfather. Her physical discomfort on the bus mirrors her emotional turmoil, and her initial nausea gives way to numbness once she learns the news. Her regret is palpable: she had let their phone calls become sporadic, and she had been counting the days until she could share her notebooks with him. The chapter reveals her vulnerability and the gap between her academic knowledge and her ability to cope with loss.

Grandpa is present only through memory and phone conversation, but his warmth and curiosity shine through. He encourages Clover's studies, expresses wonder at the Buddhist idea of guiding the dying, and reassures her that her silence means she is enjoying herself. His death—alone, in his office—becomes a painful irony given the very traditions Clover has been studying.

Charles Nelson serves as the bearer of bad news. His matter-of-fact tone feels callous to Clover, but he is simply delivering the facts: stroke, office, janitor, alone. His brief role underscores the impersonal nature of death notification when someone is far away.

Themes, Symbols, or Motifs

Dying alone is the central theme. Clover's entire study has focused on the importance of having someone present to guide the dying, yet her grandfather dies in isolation. The contrast between the Buddhist ideal and the reality of his death is stark and painful.

Cultural contrast in death practices is highlighted through Clover's phone conversation. She explains that monks help prepare the dying for rebirth and calm the lingering soul, while the Western world, as represented by her grandfather's solitary death, lacks such rituals. This contrast deepens the tragedy of his passing.

Regret for absence runs throughout. Clover regrets not calling more often, not being home, and ultimately not being there to guide her grandfather through his final moments. Her guilt is tied to her professional knowledge—she knows exactly what should have happened, and it did not.

Grief and shock are depicted through Clover's physical and emotional reactions: her pulse stutters, her nausea becomes dread, she whispers, and she rubs her sternum. The numbness that follows is a classic grief response, and the chapter ends with her fixation on the image of his empty office.

Reincarnation and guiding the dying serve as a motif that connects Clover's academic work to her personal loss. The idea that a soul may linger, confused or frightened, without guidance becomes a haunting thought for Clover as she imagines her grandfather's death.

Why This Chapter Matters

This chapter is a turning point in the novel. It delivers the emotional blow that will shape Clover's journey for the rest of the story. Her grandfather's death is not just a personal loss; it directly challenges the beliefs and practices she has devoted herself to studying. She has spent two months learning how to guide the dying, yet she could not guide the person she loved most. This irony fuels her grief and likely motivates her future work as a death doula. The chapter also establishes the central tension between intellectual understanding and lived experience, a theme that will resonate throughout the book.

Study Questions and Answers

1. How does Clover's knowledge of Buddhist death rituals affect her reaction to her grandfather's death?

Clover's expertise makes the loss more painful. She knows that a monk should have been present to calm and guide the soul, and that the soul may linger in the place of death. The image of her grandfather dying alone, with no one to guide him, directly contradicts everything she has learned and believed about a good death. Her grief is compounded by the awareness that his death was, by her own standards, a failure of care.

2. What does the phone call with her grandfather reveal about their relationship?

The call shows a close, affectionate bond. Grandpa is patient and encouraging, and Clover is eager to teach him something new. He reassures her that her silence means she is enjoying herself, and she envisions him in his green armchair. The call also reveals Clover's guilt—she admits she has let their calls become sporadic—and her deep longing to be with him. This warmth makes the news of his death even more devastating.

3. Why does Clover force herself to get back on the bus after learning of her grandfather's death?

Clover is in shock and also pragmatic. She knows she must catch her flight to New York, and the bus is her only way to Phnom Penh. Her decision to reboard is a way of moving forward, even as her mind is consumed by grief. It also shows her tendency to compartmentalize—she can acknowledge the necessity of the journey while emotionally shutting down to cope with the news.

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