Chapter summaries The Collected Regrets of Clover Mikki Brammer

Chapter 10 Summary, Analysis, and Key Takeaways

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.

Summary

The chapter opens in Clover's apartment, where she confronts the small rituals of her daily life. Her laundry basket has sat untouched for a week, with her cats Lola and Lionel claiming it as their own. Catching her reflection in the closet mirror, Clover studies her face for signs of aging, noting that aside from Leo, there is no one in her life who would notice if she changed. Her attention shifts to a photograph of her parents tucked into the mirror's corner—a picture Grandpa gave her when she came to live with him. The photo is the anchor for her few, fragmented memories: the itch of carpeted stairs, the scent of damp hedges, the whir of a ceiling fan. She imagines her father's smirk as rebelliousness and her mother's red lips as elegance, though she admits she knows little for certain. Grandpa revealed only sparse details: her father was a lawyer who traveled abroad, and her mother had been a ballet dancer whose career stalled after Clover's unexpected birth. Clover wonders whether she is supposed to miss them more.

The stale air of the apartment finally registers, and she opens a window, lighting incense. This triggers a memory of a college summer spent studying with a shaman in the Peruvian Andes, where she learned about Incan death traditions—including burying the dead in the fetal position to aid rebirth. She reflects on the ritual of smudging with palo santo, which she has come to see as a way to clear negative energy and give dying people hope, or at least a sense of letting go.

Her phone rings—a hospital on the Upper East Side. A new job. Within the hour she is on the 6 train, breaking her usual rule of taking at least two weeks between cases. She explains that being around death doesn't exhaust her; what drains her is being an anchor for grieving family members. The nurse tells her the patient is Abigail, a twenty-six-year-old unhoused woman found collapsed in an ATM vestibule in Midtown, with end-stage liver failure likely caused by cirrhosis and a bottle of gin. Abigail is lucid but not expected to survive. Her parents are flying from Idaho but may not arrive in time. Clover won't be paid, but she can't let Abigail die alone.

At the hospital, Clover finds Abigail sleeping in a narrow cubicle. She unpacks her kit: a Bluetooth speaker, an iPad for showing images of beloved places, scented lotion, stationery, candles, and sticks of sage and palo santo. She reads Martha Gellhorn's Travels with Myself and Another until Abigail stirs. They talk. Abigail describes her hometown of Sandpoint, Idaho—surrounded by mountains and on a lake—and her dream of becoming an artist in New York. She admits the city swallowed her up. Clover learns that Abigail cut off contact with her parents five years ago after they tried to persuade her into rehab for alcoholism; they had no idea she'd been living on the street for a year. Abigail confesses she thought about calling them many times but was too ashamed. She falls asleep before Clover can respond.

Abigail's parents arrive just after 1:30 AM, exhausted and disoriented. Clover steps back, tells them Abigail spoke of her love for them, and encourages them to speak to her even though she's unconscious. She waits outside. Abigail dies at 6:04 AM. Clover notes it is her ninety-eighth death.

Key Events

  • Clover studies her reflection and the photograph of her parents, reflecting on aging and her fragmented childhood memories.

  • She opens a window, burns incense, and recalls her time studying Incan death traditions with a shaman in Peru.

  • A hospital calls with a new case: Abigail, a twenty-six-year-old unhoused woman with end-stage liver failure.

  • Clover rides the 6 train uptown, breaking her usual two-week gap between jobs.

  • She meets Abigail, who is lucid but fading, and they talk about Sandpoint, art, and Abigail's estranged parents.

  • Abigail reveals she cut off contact with her family five years ago out of shame and has been living on the street.

  • Abigail's parents arrive after 1:30 AM; she dies at 6:04 AM.

  • Clover marks this as her ninety-eighth death.

Character Development

Clover — This chapter deepens our understanding of Clover's internal life. Her reflection on the mirror and the photograph reveals a woman who has built her identity around absence: absent parents, an absent sense of aging, and a life with few witnesses besides her cats and Leo. Her memory of Peru and her reverence for palo santo show that her work as a death doula is rooted in genuine spiritual curiosity, not just procedure. Her admission about burnout—that it's the emotional anchoring of grieving families that exhausts her—adds nuance to her professional calm. Most significantly, her internal note that her own scars from being denied a goodbye haven't healed after thirteen years explains her fierce commitment to helping others achieve closure.

Abigail — Though she appears only briefly, Abigail is drawn with sympathy. Her regret is palpable: she loved her parents, missed home, and was too ashamed to reach out. Her confession that she never realized how much she loved them until she couldn't tell them is the emotional core of the chapter. Her death, alone in a hospital cubicle until the final hours, underscores the cost of estrangement and addiction.

Abigail's parents — They arrive too late for meaningful conversation, clutching each other like tree branches in a flood. Their presence, and Clover's guidance to speak to their unconscious daughter, highlights the theme of love expressed too late.

Themes, Symbols, or Motifs

Aging and mortality — Clover's mirror study and her observation that no one would notice her aging frames mortality as a private, solitary experience.

Parental estrangement and shame — Abigail's five-year silence and her shame about her addiction mirror Clover's own complicated relationship with her absent parents. Both women carry the weight of family bonds broken or unfulfilled.

Death rituals and spiritual cleansing — The palo santo, smudging, and Incan burial traditions represent Clover's belief in preparing someone for a journey rather than simply saying goodbye. The ritual gives hope, even if it's a placebo.

Hope as healing — Clover deliberately tells Abigail her parents are coming, believing hope can help someone hold on. She also notes that closure matters as much for the living as for the dying.

The overwhelming city — Abigail's line about New York swallowing her up contrasts with Clover's comfort in the city's ambient noise. The city is both a place of isolation and a source of companionship.

The burden of presence — Clover's role as an anchor for the unmoored is both her purpose and her exhaustion.

Why This Chapter Matters

Chapter 10 is pivotal for several reasons. It introduces the novel's most emotionally charged case so far—a young woman whose death is directly tied to estrangement, shame, and missed chances at reconciliation. Abigail's story gives Clover a mirror for her own unresolved feelings about her parents, deepening the novel's exploration of family and regret. The chapter also establishes Clover's professional philosophy in detail: her tools, her rituals, her belief in hope and closure, and the personal cost of her work. Her note that this is her ninety-eighth death signals both her experience and the accumulating weight of her vocation. Finally, the chapter sets up a contrast between the deaths Clover witnesses and the life she has built around them, raising questions about what she is avoiding in her own existence.

Study Questions and Answers

1. How does Clover's reflection on her own aging and her parents' photograph reveal her emotional state?

Clover's mirror study shows she feels invisible—no one but Leo would notice her aging. The photograph represents her fragmented, partly imagined memories of her parents. She wonders whether she is supposed to miss them more, suggesting unresolved grief and a sense of emotional detachment that she has never fully processed.

2. What role does hope play in Clover's approach to Abigail's final hours?

Clover deliberately tells Abigail that her parents are coming, believing hope can help someone hold on. She also emphasizes that closure matters for the living, drawing on her own thirteen-year-old scars from being denied a goodbye. Hope, for Clover, is both a practical tool and a moral commitment.

3. How does Abigail's story parallel Clover's own family history?

Both women have complicated relationships with their parents. Abigail is estranged from hers due to shame and addiction; Clover's parents were largely absent, with her mother's career stalled by her birth. Both carry regret and a longing for connection that was never fully realized. Abigail's death forces Clover to confront what she might still be avoiding in her own life.

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