Chapter summaries The Collected Regrets of Clover Mikki Brammer

Chapter 26 Summary, Themes, and Analysis

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.

Summary

Clover arrives at a nondescript Lower East Side bar, wearing a borrowed black dress from Sylvie that feels like inhabiting someone else's skin. She's been anxious since Sebastian's phone call, uncertain whether his invitation is a genuine date or simply a social drink with her employer. Sylvie insists it's a date because Sebastian specified “just the two of us,” but Clover has no prior experience with romantic invitations and doubts she'd be the exception.

Sebastian arrives twenty-three minutes late, apologizing for being stuck at work. Clover notes that a real date would have texted to let her know, adding another point to her “not a date” column. Inside, the bar is dark and narrow, with oysters on ice, leather banquettes, and a mixologist in a waistcoat. As they settle in, a trio of women vacates the corner table, and the shortest—Jessie—greets Sebastian with exaggerated enthusiasm. Sebastian stiffly introduces Clover, and Jessie trails her hand down his forearm as she leaves. Sebastian explains they dated briefly last year, calling her “nice, but a little ditzy.”

Over cocktails, Sebastian thanks Clover for everything she's doing for his grandmother, Claudia, noting that things are better now that everything is out in the open—though his father still won't discuss it. Clover deflects the conversation by asking about his cello. Sebastian shares that he chose the cello at age ten, when his grandmother took him to a music store and told him he could pick any instrument. He was the smallest kid in his class, and the cello looked big and powerful; he thought making music on it might make him feel powerful too. He jokes that he should have chosen something easier to carry around the city.

Clover mentions her grandfather's old banjo, which she taught herself to play via YouTube, and her two cats and a dog. Sebastian reveals he's allergic to cats and dogs and has never been much of an animal person. Clover feels genuinely sad for him, since her pets make her life livable.

After three cocktails, Sebastian performatively insists on paying, then notes the server forgot to charge for one drink and decides not to mention it. Clover excuses herself to the bathroom, where she washes and moisturizes her hands, then slips the server a twenty-dollar bill on her way out.

Outside, Sebastian offers to drop her in an Uber, but Clover declines, saying the subway is only a block away. He insists on walking her to the subway entrance. As they walk, Sebastian talks about a college friend who designed a nearby high rise, but Clover can't concentrate—her pulse pounds, and she feels a sudden urge to pee. She wishes she were home on the sofa with her animals, watching someone else's life play out on a screen. She wonders what Julia and Reuben's first date was like, imagining they were never awkward.

At the top of the subway stairs, Sebastian steps forward, slides his hand inside her open coat, and presses his lips to hers. It's Clover's first kiss. She feels the urge to pull away, then curiosity takes over. She tries to observe the experience as if documenting it in her notebook, the way her grandfather taught her. It feels wetter than she imagined, his stubble abrasive, and she keeps her hands by her sides, unsure what to do with them. His tongue pushes against her lips, and she obliges for the sake of experimentation—it isn't totally unpleasant, but it doesn't ignite the internal fireworks she'd always imagined.

A passerby catcalls “Get a room!” from the stairs, startling them apart. Clover's face blazes, and her mind flashes to Claudia—kissing her employer's grandson is clearly a conflict of interest. She mumbles thanks for the drinks and bolts down the stairs, through the turnstile, grateful her MetroCard swipes smoothly.


Key Events

  • Clover borrows Sylvie's dress and waits anxiously outside the bar, uncertain whether the evening is a date.

  • Sebastian arrives late, apologizing for work; they encounter Jessie, a woman he dated briefly the previous year.

  • Sebastian thanks Clover for helping Claudia and reveals his father still avoids discussing the situation.

  • Sebastian shares the story of choosing the cello at age ten with his grandmother.

  • Clover mentions her grandfather's banjo and her pets; Sebastian reveals his allergies to cats and dogs.

  • After three cocktails, Sebastian pays, and Clover secretly tips the server twenty dollars.

  • Sebastian walks Clover to the subway and kisses her—her first kiss.

  • A catcall interrupts the kiss, and Clover flees, recalling the conflict of interest with her employer.


Character Development

Clover — This chapter marks a significant milestone: her first kiss. Throughout the evening, she oscillates between observing and participating, treating the kiss as an experiment to be documented rather than an emotional connection. Her social anxiety is palpable—she envies the confidence of other bar patrons, feels like a fraud in Sylvie's dress, and wishes she could text Sylvie for advice mid-conversation. Her decision to secretly tip the server reveals her quiet integrity, even when Sebastian chooses not to correct the billing error. Ultimately, her flight down the subway stairs shows her retreat to comfort when the situation becomes too real, prioritizing professional boundaries over romantic possibility.

Sebastian — He shows vulnerability by sharing his childhood story about the cello and his allergies, and he's transparent about his father's avoidance of Claudia's situation. His late arrival and his decision not to correct the billing error hint at a casualness that contrasts with Clover's careful attention to detail. His kiss is forward but not aggressive, and he seems genuinely confused when Clover bolts.


Themes, Symbols, or Motifs

Observing vs. participating in life — Clover's instinct throughout the chapter is to watch rather than engage. She absorbs the bar scene, studies the cocktail menu, and tries to document the kiss as if taking notes. Her grandfather's teaching—to record every new experience—becomes both a coping mechanism and a barrier to genuine connection.

Romantic inexperience and experimentation — Clover's first kiss is framed as an experiment: she tries it to see if she likes it, keeping her hands by her sides until she decides. This mirrors her broader approach to life, where new experiences are catalogued rather than felt.

Conflict of interest — The kiss is complicated by Sebastian's dual role as Claudia's grandson and Clover's employer. Clover's flight is driven less by the kiss itself than by the realization of this professional boundary.

Vulnerability and retreat — Both characters reveal vulnerabilities—Sebastian's allergies and childhood insecurities, Clover's social anxiety and inexperience—but the chapter ends with Clover retreating to the safety of the subway, choosing comfort over risk.


Why This Chapter Matters

This chapter is a turning point in Clover's personal arc. It's her first romantic experience, and it forces her to confront the gap between her imagined life and her actual one. The kiss—and her reaction to it—reveals how deeply her habits of observation and self-protection shape her relationships. The chapter also deepens the tension between her professional role as a death doula and her personal feelings, setting up potential complications with Claudia's family. Finally, it highlights a recurring motif: Clover's tendency to retreat when intimacy becomes too real, a pattern that will likely need to be broken for her to grow.


Study Questions and Answers

1. Why does Clover secretly tip the server after Sebastian decides not to correct the billing error?

Clover's secret tip reflects her personal integrity and her discomfort with Sebastian's casual decision to accept the free drink. It also shows her quiet, observant nature—she acts on her values without making a scene, a pattern that contrasts with Sebastian's more performative gestures.

2. How does Clover's approach to her first kiss reflect her broader character traits?

Clover treats the kiss as an experiment to be observed and documented rather than an emotional experience. She keeps her hands by her sides, tries to assess whether she's enjoying it, and obliges his tongue “for the sake of experimentation.” This mirrors her general approach to life: cautious, analytical, and more comfortable observing than participating.

3. What role does the conflict of interest play in Clover's decision to flee?

The catcall startles her, but the decisive factor is her realization that kissing Sebastian—Claudia's grandson and her employer—is a conflict of interest. Her flight is not just about embarrassment; it's about protecting her professional boundaries and avoiding the complications that a romantic relationship with a client's family member would create.


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