Chapter 33 Summary: Questioning Identity and Queerness
⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.
Summary
The chapter opens with Imogen feeling emotionally overstretched – like “an overfilled balloon” – after Gretchen’s sudden fixation on Tessa. Gretchen has followed Tessa on Instagram and is commenting on her photos, even though the two have never interacted before. Imogen doesn’t respond to Gretchen’s text. Instead, she reaches out to Lili to apologize for a conversation from the previous year, when Imogen had dismissed Lili’s perspective because she assumed Lili was straight. Lili reassures Imogen, acknowledging that being in the closet naturally kept her experiences hidden. During their FaceTime call, Lili notices Imogen’s tension and asks about Tessa. Imogen admits she’s annoyed that Gretchen is “buddying up” to Tessa. Lili then raises the topic of Imogen’s backstory with Tessa—the fake ex-girlfriend narrative and the assumption that Imogen is straight—and asks if Imogen wants to come clean. Imogen’s internal reaction is a rush of doubt: she questions whether her feelings for Tessa are real, comparing herself to Edith, Gretchen, and Lili. She fears her queerness might be a performance, something “too convenient” because she’s a people-pleaser surrounded by queer friends. The chapter ends with Imogen unable to settle the question.
Key Events
- Imogen receives a text from Gretchen obsessing over Tessa’s appearance; Imogen feels unsettled and does not reply.
- Imogen texts Lili an apology for dismissing her perspective the previous year when Lili wasn’t yet out.
- Lili FaceTimes Imogen, accepts the apology, and lightly jokes about blaming Gretchen.
- Lili notices Imogen is upset and coaxes her to talk about Tessa and Gretchen’s Instagram interactions.
- Lili asks if Imogen wants to tell Tessa the truth about the ex-girlfriend story and about being straight.
- Imogen internally goes through a crisis of self-doubt, worrying that her attraction to girls is not authentic and only a reflection of her people-pleasing tendencies.
Character Development
- Imogen: Shows growth by proactively apologising to Lili for a past mistake, demonstrating emotional maturity. At the same time, she begins a deeper internal reckoning with her sexuality, moving from denial to active questioning. Her comparison to other queer friends reveals her internalised ideas about what queerness “should” look like.
- Lili: Acts as a supportive confidante, not only accepting the apology but also gently nudging Imogen to consider telling Tessa the truth. She respects Imogen’s agency by offering to tell Tessa herself.
- Gretchen: Though absent from the action, her intrusive interest in Tessa highlights her possessive side and creates a new layer of tension for Imogen.
Themes, Symbols, or Motifs
- Questioning Identity: The chapter centres on Imogen’s struggle to define her own sexuality. She doubts the validity of her feelings because they don’t match the confident, established queerness of Edith, Lili, or Gretchen.
- Guilt and Apology: Imogen’s impulse to apologise for past behaviour shows her commitment to being a better friend. The apology also serves as a stepping stone toward honesty with herself.
- Performance vs. Authenticity: Imogen worries that her potential attraction to girls is performative—a way to fit in with the “cool queer kids.” This theme ties into her people-pleasing personality and the larger question of whether identity can be genuinely discovered or must be proven.
- Boundaries in Friendship: Gretchen’s behaviour (following Tessa unprompted) raises questions about appropriate boundaries and jealousy within friendships.
Why This Chapter Matters
Chapter 33 is a turning point for Imogen’s internal arc. It moves her from passively accepting the fake girlfriend story to actively questioning her own sexuality. The apology to Lili signals a shift in self-awareness, while the conversation about Tessa forces Imogen to confront the possibility that she may not be straight. The chapter lays the groundwork for the eventual disclosure of Imogen’s true identity and sets up crucial conversations ahead.
Study Questions and Answers
1. Why does Imogen apologise to Lili, and how does Lili respond?
Imogen apologises because she remembers telling Lili the previous year that it wasn’t her place to disagree with Gretchen’s take on a subject because Gretchen was “actually queer.” Imogen realises she had dismissed Lili’s perspective without considering that Lili might be queer too. Lili reassures Imogen that the apology is unnecessary, explaining that being in the closet naturally made her experiences invisible, and she never took offense.
2. What does Imogen’s reaction to Gretchen befriending Tessa on Instagram reveal about her feelings?
Imogen feels annoyed and possessive, though she doesn’t fully understand why. Her discomfort suggests that she has developed deeper feelings for Tessa than she has admitted. The fact that she blushes when Lili refers to “our Tessa” further indicates romantic interest.
3. How does Imogen’s internal monologue at the end of the chapter illustrate her conflict about her sexuality?
She compares herself to Edith, Gretchen, and Lili—people who seem sure of their queerness. Imogen fears that her own attraction is “convenient” and that she might be faking it to fit in. This shows her struggle with internalised stereotypes about what queer identity should look like and her need for external validation before she can accept her own feelings.