Symbols Girls Can Kiss Now Jill Gutowitz

The Yearn Cage: A Queer Prison of Longing in Girls Can Kiss Now

What Is the Yearn Cage?

In Chapter 5 of Girls Can Kiss Now, Jill Gutowitz coins the term yearn cage to describe a self‑imposed emotional prison where desire is felt deeply but never acted upon. The cage is built from internalised homophobia and cultural conditioning: the idea that same‑sex attraction is allowed as a feeling but not as an action. Gutowitz writes that she had been taught to “want things, but never act on them, or have them” — and that suffering itself became perversely rewarding. The yearn cage is not a physical space but a mental trap that keeps queer people locked in longing, mistaking the ache for love itself.

Where the Yearn Cage Appears

Gutowitz first introduces the cage in Chapter 5, after recounting her pre‑queer “Thirst Vacuum” — years of dating men she didn’t actually desire (the “Banana Peel Guys”). The cage emerges when she meets Darcy, an actress at a teen‑actor cult called Dinner Crew. Gutowitz yearns intensely for Darcy, cat‑sitting for two months, buying Jenny Lewis concert tickets she can’t afford, and ignoring clear signals that Darcy doesn’t reciprocate. The yearn cage traps her in a fantasy of potential instead of honest confrontation.

The metaphor recurs implicitly throughout the book. In Chapter 14, during early quarantine, Gutowitz experiences a werewolf‑style emotional breakdown while listening to Taylor Swift’s folklore. The album’s themes of woods and isolation mirror the yearn cage — but this time she begins to break out, realising that “love is more fulfilling than fame” and telling her girlfriend Emma she no longer wants to be special, just present.

How the Meaning of the Yearn Cage Shifts

Initially, the yearn cage is a source of identity and even comfort. Gutowitz romanticises self‑torture because “it was the strongest feeling.” She learned this from lesbian movies like Blue Is the Warmest Colour and Lost and Delirious, which teach that queer love must end in tragedy or denial. The cage gives her a script: yearn, glance, never touch.

But as the memoir progresses, the cage reveals its cost. Her friendship with Darcy turns toxic; she stays up all night crying after Darcy chooses a man over her. When Gutowitz finally comes out to Darcy, she lies: “It’s not about anyone specific.” The cage prevents her from naming what she wants. By Chapter 14, the yearn cage has become a prison she can no longer romanticise. The pandemic strips away the distractions of fame‑chasing, and she realises the wanting itself was a trap. The shift is from yearning as a survival mechanism to yearning as an obstacle to real connection.

Connections to Characters and Themes

  • Jill Gutowitz: The cage is her central emotional conflict. She must learn to stop fetishising desire and start acting on it, first with her eventual girlfriend Emma.
  • Darcy: Representing unrequited, unspoken yearn. Darcy knows Gutowitz’s feelings but never reciprocates, keeping the cage locked.
  • Emma: The person who helps Gutowitz exit the cage. In Chapter 14, Gutowitz chooses vulnerability over the pursuit of specialness.
  • Queer Shame and Reclamation: The yearn cage is built from shame about wanting at all. Reclamation means unlearning the lesson that queer desire must remain fantasy.
  • Pop Culture as a Tool for Identity Formation: Lesbian movies and rom‑coms taught Gutowitz the yearn script. She must unlearn these narratives to find authentic love.
  • The Internet’s Role in Queer Connection and Trauma: The internet provides glimpses of queer community (Gaylor theories, lesbian canon) but also amplifies shame and comparison — reinforcing the cage.
  • Toxic Relationships and the Search for Authentic Love: The yearn cage keeps Gutowitz in one‑sided dynamics with unavailable people. Breaking free requires clear communication and self‑worth.

4 Study Questions (with Answers)

1. Why does Gutowitz describe her pre‑Darcy dating life as a “Thirst Vacuum”?
Answer: The Thirst Vacuum is a period where she felt no desire at all. She dated men she didn’t want, coasting on numbness. The yearn cage only becomes possible once she starts yearning for Darcy — the vacuum is the opposite of feeling, while the cage is feeling without action.

2. How do lesbian movies of the 1990s and 2000s teach the yearn cage?
Answer: Films like Blue Is the Warmest Colour and Lost and Delirious end with separation or death, reinforcing that queer love cannot last. Gutowitz points out that the only thing these movies offer is “glancing” — desire without follow‑through. This conditions queer viewers to accept yearning as the only permissible form of love.

3. What triggers Gutowitz’s exit from the yearn cage in Chapter 14?
Answer: Taylor Swift’s surprise album folklore triggers a cathartic breakdown. Lying on her floor listening to heartbreaking songs, she feels all the repressed quarantine emotions burst out. She then records video monologues questioning capitalism’s demand for greatness. Finally, she tells Emma she no longer wants to be special — she just wants to be together. This act of verbalising commitment breaks the pattern of wanting over having.

4. How does the yearn cage connect to the theme of fame in the book?
Answer: Gutowitz’s obsession with fame — wanting to be a famous actress, chasing Hollywood status — mirrors the yearn cage. She chases the idea of success without genuine passion. In Chapter 13, she takes Emma to a premiere and feels hollow. Fame is another form of yearning without substance. Breaking the cage means prioritising real relationship over public recognition.

Further Reading