Chapter summaries Girls Can Kiss Now Jill Gutowitz

Chapter 1: Memeing with the FBI – Summary and Analysis

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.

Summary

The chapter opens in 2018 when two FBI agents arrive at Gutowitz’s apartment to question her about a viral tweet. She posted an “Arya Stark list” — a Game of Thrones meme naming senators who voted to confirm Brett Kavanaugh. Gutowitz then traces her lifelong internet history, beginning in 1997 when her father brought home a PowerBook G3. At age eleven, cousin Lee introduced her to online pornography and chat rooms. She developed secret rituals of watching porn and “cybering” strangers, culminating in an AOL account suspension after she was reported for sending explicit images. Her parents confronted her, and she lied that her account was hacked, internalizing deep shame about sex. In high school she used MySpace, AIM, and Xanga to seek validation. In college she turned to Facebook. After coming out as gay, she built a Twitter following writing about pop culture, sexuality, and politics. During the Kavanaugh confirmation, her joking “kill list” tweet went viral, Republican users filed reports, and the FBI investigated. The agents accepted her explanation and left. Gutowitz’s subsequent attempts to obtain FBI records through FOIA requests were met with a “Glomar response” — neither confirming nor denying the existence of records. The chapter ends with her reflecting on the lifelong tension between the internet’s promise of connection and the shame and surveillance it has brought her.

Key Events

  • Gutowitz’s father brings home a PowerBook G3 in 1997, sparking her fascination with computers.
  • Cousin Lee shows her how to search for porn and clear browser history (around 2002).
  • She engages in chat‑room “cybering” and attempts to trade pictures with strangers.
  • An AOL account linked to her father is flagged; her parents confront her, and she falsely claims she was hacked.
  • In high school she obsessively uses MySpace, AIM, and Xanga to seek social validation.
  • She comes out as gay in her mid‑twenties and builds a career writing online about identity and pop culture.
  • During the 2018 Kavanaugh confirmation, she tweets an “Arya Stark list” of Republican senators.
  • Multiple Republican users file reports; two FBI agents visit her apartment to ask if she intends to kill a senator.
  • She explains the GoT meme; the agents leave after deeming her harmless.
  • Her FOIA requests for the FBI records are denied with a Glomar response.
  • Days later, the MAGA bomber Cesar Sayoc is arrested; Gutowitz contrasts the FBI’s response to her meme with their failure to act on Sayoc’s violent tweets.

Character Development

  • Jill Gutowitz: The narrator evolves from a curious six‑year‑old mesmerized by a laptop into a teenager burdened by online shame, then a young writer who uses the internet to reclaim her sexuality and voice. The FBI visit shatters her sense of safety and reignites earlier trauma.
  • Lee (cousin): The first queer relative Gutowitz knows; he introduces her to pornography online and later comes out as a trans man. His role foregrounds the secret, shared exploration of sexuality.
  • Sam (friend): A journalist who helps Gutowitz understand her options after the FBI visit, representing the supportive network she relies on.
  • Debby (friend): Another friend she calls immediately after the incident; the conversation relays the surreal quality of the experience.

Themes, Symbols, or Motifs

  • The Internet as Double‑Edged Sword: The chapter frames the internet as both a source of vital connection (validation, community, career) and a site of shame, surveillance, and trauma (porn exposure, parental punishment, FBI interrogation).
  • Shame and Secrecy Around Sex: Gutowitz’s early online experiences are driven by curiosity but met with guilt; the “Pokegutzgate” incident cements the idea that sexual exploration is disgusting. This shame resurfaces when federal agents arrive.
  • Freedom of Speech vs. Real Consequences: Her “Arya Stark list” tweet is a joke, yet it triggers a formal FBI investigation, showing how online speech can be weaponized by political opponents and how institutions may overreact.
  • The Glomar Response as Symbol of Opaque Power: The government’s refusal to confirm or deny the existence of records about Gutowitz mirrors the broader invincible, untouchable nature of state surveillance.
  • Meme Culture as Political and Personal Expression: The Arya Stark meme exemplifies how pop‑culture references can become political statements and how online communities use humor to process anger and trauma.

Why This Chapter Matters

“Memeing with the FBI” establishes the book’s central argument: the internet is not separate from real‑world identity, politics, or trauma. Gutowitz’s personal history illustrates how digital spaces shaped her queer self‑understanding, career, and even her encounters with federal law enforcement. The chapter also critiques the disparity in how threats are handled: a white woman’s joke gets an FBI visit, while an actual domestic terrorist’s violent posts are overlooked. This sets the stage for later essays exploring the intersections of pop culture, queerness, and feminism in an online world.

Study Questions and Answers

  1. How does Gutowitz depict the relationship between shame and internet use in her childhood?
    She shows that early online sexual exploration led to a deep sense of guilt after her parents confronted her about the AOL account. The incident taught her that thinking about or seeking out sex was “revolting,” which suppressed her curiosity for years and created a pattern of compulsive online behavior mixed with self‑disgust.

  2. What is the significance of the “Glomar response” in the chapter?
    The Glomar response—where the FBI neither confirms nor denies the existence of records—prevents Gutowitz from ever proving her version of events. It symbolizes the power imbalance between individuals and the state, leaving her feeling gaslit and unable to fully own her own story.

  3. Why does Gutowitz compare her FBI visit to the Cesar Sayoc case?
    She highlights the absurdity that the FBI investigated a harmless meme joke while ignoring Sayoc’s explicit violent tweets that preceded his mailing of explosive packages. The comparison underscores racial and political biases in threat assessment and law enforcement priorities.

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