Sam: Pop‑Culture Bond and Emotional Anchor in Girls Can Kiss Now

Overview

Sam is Jill Gutowitz’s closest friend in Girls Can Kiss Now, a relationship built on shared pop‑culture obsessions, mutual emotional support, and a deep understanding of each other’s struggles. He appears primarily in two key episodes: the disastrous pop concert encounter with Jill’s ex-girlfriend Kate (Chapter 8) and the hollow Hollywood after‑party that forces Jill to confront her own superficiality (Chapter 13). Sam functions as both a witness to Jill’s heartbreaks and a grounding presence who values genuine connection over status. The book presents him as a mirror to Jill—someone equally entangled in celebrity culture yet capable of seeing through its emptiness.

Plot Role

Sam enters the narrative as a stabilizing force during one of Jill’s lowest points. After Kate repeatedly breaks up with Jill, Sam calls with free tickets to The Pop Star at the Forum. Jill admits she secretly wants to see Kate there, and Sam reluctantly agrees to accompany her. At the concert, he watches her walk toward Kate with a look of fearful love, then is the first person she locks eyes with after the agonizing kiss and separation. Later, in Chapter 13, Sam hosts after‑parties and shares his own social access with Jill—introducing her to Amy Adams, bringing her to the Chateau Marmont—but the friendship’s real weight comes from their time together during the pandemic: a “boys’ weekend” in Palm Springs where they watch thriller movies, sing Brooke Hogan songs, and talk openly about their “bottomless well of desperation.”

Motivations and Traits Shown Through Actions

Sam’s motivations are rooted in a desire to protect and connect with Jill. When he realizes she intends to use the concert to re‑engage with Kate, he tries to cancel—but ultimately goes anyway because she “held him hostage.” This action reveals his loyalty even when he disagrees. He doesn’t moralize; instead he lets her make mistakes while staying close enough to catch her.

He is also portrayed as more professionally successful than Jill, with access to exclusive Hollywood events. Yet he never uses that status to diminish her. Instead he invites her along, sharing his world without condescension. His bond with Jill is described as two people who are “wholly removed from the lost world of heterosexuality, yet still bonded by liking the same stuff.” This shared pop‑culture language—starting with the absurd Vanity Fair headline about “Bowls Filled with Cigarettes”—forms the bedrock of their friendship.

Sam’s emotional intelligence is evident in the concert scene: he reads Jill’s face the moment she returns and simply asks, “You okay?” He already knows the answer. During the Palm Springs trip, they discuss the pain of comparing oneself to others and the difficulty of feeling feelings in the digital age—showing that his support goes beyond fun distractions.

Chronological Arc

Sam and Jill meet at Debby’s Fourth of July party, but Jill barely remembers him because she is in the early shock of coming out. They reconnect months later at the same friend’s house, sharing a laugh over a ridiculous celebrity wedding detail, and quickly become close. Sam’s arc in the book is not one of personal transformation but of steady presence. He is there during the Kate breakup (2016‑17), during the Hollywood flirtation years (2017‑19), and into the pandemic (2020). The only significant change is Jill’s growing awareness that what she values about Sam is not his access to fame but the connection itself. By the end of Chapter 13, she reflects that “it was never the fancy parties or the ‘why is Katy Perry glaring at me’ or the access that mattered—it was our connection.”

Relationships

Sam and Jill are the primary dyad. Their friendship is defined by a shared language of celebrity gossip, meme culture, and ironic affection for obscure pop‑music artifacts. They trauma‑bond over mutual devastating breakups, but also over the absurdities of Los Angeles. Sam is the person Jill turns to when she is “goo” after Kate, and he offers both practical help (free concert tickets) and emotional refuge (a Palm Springs couch to cry on). In contrast to her romantic relationship with Emma, which is built on “inexplicable magnetism,” Sam’s friendship is built on explicit shared interests. Jill later realizes that the connection itself, not the interests, is what matters.

The book also hints at Sam’s own struggles: he too is “seeking plugs for his holes” and has a devastating breakup contemporaneous with Jill’s. But his internal life remains largely off‑page; the focus stays on his role as a friend.

Key Decisions and Consequences

Sam’s key decision is agreeing to take Jill to The Pop Star concert despite knowing it will hurt her. The consequence is that he witnesses the raw aftermath—the kiss, the tears, the silence—and then must help her walk away. This choice strengthens their bond because Jill sees that Sam will stand by her even in self‑destructive moments.

Later, Sam chooses to invite Jill to Hollywood events, inadvertently feeding her superficial desires. But during the pandemic he also chooses a different kind of gathering: the quiet weekend in Palm Springs. This shift helps Jill articulate that true fulfillment comes from connection, not status.

Theme and Symbol Connections

Sam is a living embodiment of two major themes in the book: pop culture as a tool for identity formation and queer shame and reclamation . His friendship with Jill is forged through a shared obsession with celebrity trivia, memes, and second‑tier pop stars—what Jill calls “smooth‑brain activities.” This common language provides a safe space for two queer people to bond outside heteronormative scripts. The book argues that such friendships are not shallow but essential: they allow the kind of vulnerability that straight men’s friendships, built on sports and beer, often cannot.

Sam also connects to the theme of the tension between fame and genuine connection . He has the access Jill craves, but he is never corrupted by it. In fact, his presence at the Chateau Marmont after‑party is what allows Jill to see that the party itself is hollow. Symbolically, Sam represents a middle ground: he navigates celebrity culture without losing sight of what matters—a lesson Jill learns only after chasing Hollywood validation.

His role in the concert scene also touches on the internet’s role in queer connection and trauma . Sam and Jill’s friendship began with a texted headline and sustains itself through meme‑sharing, yet their most important conversations happen in person—in the crowd at the Forum, in a car after the party, in a Palm Springs pool. The book suggests that digital culture can build bridges, but real healing requires physical presence.

Questions and Answers

1. How did Sam and Jill first become close friends?
   They met at a mutual friend’s Fourth of July party, but did not connect until months later at the same friend’s house, where Sam showed Jill a Vanity Fair headline about “Mary‑Kate Olsen and Olivier Sarkozy’s Wedding Featured ‘Bowls Filled with Cigarettes.’ ” That shared laugh launched a friendship built on exchanging Google Images of Meghan Trainor and absurd memes.

2. Why does Sam try to cancel the concert plans with Jill?
   He realizes Jill’s real motive is to see her ex, Kate, not to enjoy the music. After Jill “held him hostage,” he reluctantly agrees, fearing that the encounter will cause her more pain—which it does.

3. What role does Sam play in the concert scene?
   He waits anxiously in his seat while Jill walks to meet Kate in an aisle. When Jill returns, he reads the devastation on her face and simply asks, “You okay?” He is the grounding presence who brings her back to reality after the melodrama.

4. How does the book describe the difference between Sam’s friendship and Jill’s romantic relationship with Emma?
   Friendship requires “shared dogshit interests,” while romantic love is “less describable, the kind of magnetism that pulls two sets of skeletons toward each other.” Sam and Jill bond over pop‑culture trivia; Jill and Emma bond over an inexplicable chemistry that transcends likes and dislikes.

5. What does Jill ultimately learn from her friendship with Sam?
   She learns that connection itself—not celebrity access, status, or even the entertainments they share—is what makes a relationship valuable. During a pandemic trip to Palm Springs, she realizes that Sam’s support has always been about their emotional bond, not the parties or the famous people they meet.