The Sex Bench: Queering Domesticity in Girls Can Kiss Now

What Is the Sex Bench?

In Chapter 4 of Girls Can Kiss Now, Jill Gutowitz names the paparazzi photograph of Cara Delevingne and Ashley Benson carrying a large, brand-new sex bench into their West Hollywood home as “the most legendary and most lesbian paparazzi photo taken in modern history.” The bench—a specific piece of furniture Gutowitz identifies as either the Master Series Faux Leather Sex Bench with Adjustable Restraints ($384) or the Dicktator Extreme Sex Machine ($438)—is not simply a BDSM accessory. It becomes a concrete symbol of explicit queer domesticity, a moment when a same-sex couple performs a mundane chore (moving furniture) that is also a flagrant display of their sexual life. The photo queers a staple of tabloid culture: the paparazzi shot of a celebrity couple doing something ordinary. Instead of carrying groceries or a designer handbag, Delevingne and Benson haul a sex bench, making private pleasure public and reclaiming the heterosexual script of “couple moves into new home.”

Where the Sex Bench Appears

The sex bench appears only once in the book’s narrative—in the numbered list of Chapter 4—but its symbolic weight ripples through later chapters. Gutowitz returns to the idea of the bench as a personal goal: “I finally know what I want out of a relationship, love, and romance, and that’s carrying a $384 sex bench into my home with my rumored girlfriend.” This line transforms the bench from a specific celebrity artifact into a template for her own desires. In Chapter 12, Gutowitz constructs a “lesbian canon” of implicitly queer objects, including “boxes” (with a wink) and “weighted blankets”; the sex bench, though not listed there, operates on the same logic—an object that accrues queer meaning through communal recognition. The bench also echoes in the book’s broader structure: in Chapter 13, Gutowitz attends a glamorous after-party and feels invisible; the bench represents the opposite of that hollow status-seeking—a tangible, grounded, partnered intimacy.

How the Meaning Changes Across the Book

Initially, the sex bench is a pop-cultural curiosity, one of ten “most important Sapphic paparazzi photos.” Gutowitz introduces it with humor and specificity (the price, the model), framing it as a culmination of years of watching heterosexual celebrity couples “cozy up in Miami” and “leave LAX.” The bench marks a break: where straight couples perform their romance in predictably sanitized ways (kissing courtside, vacationing in Cancún), Delevingne and Benson perform a different kind of partnership—one that acknowledges sex openly and refuses to hide its material reality.

As the book progresses, the bench becomes a symbol of what Gutowitz herself wants. After recounting a series of toxic friendships and unrequited attachments—especially with Darcy in Chapter 5, where she yearns for emotional reciprocity that never arrives—she names the bench as the kind of relationship goal she can finally articulate. The bench’s meaning shifts from “look at what those famous lesbians did” to “this is the concrete image of the love I deserve.” By the end of the book, in Chapter 14, Gutowitz tells her girlfriend Emma that she no longer wants to be “special”—she just wants to be with her. The sex bench, in retrospect, stands for that shift: from seeking validation through fame (wanting to be photographed like Delevingne) to seeking a partnership where sex and domesticity are seamlessly combined, without shame.

Connections to Characters and Themes

Jill Gutowitz uses the bench to define her evolving relationship ideals. Early in the book, she learns about romance from paparazzi photos of straight couples; the bench represents the moment she finds a template that fits her.

Cara Delevingne and Ashley Benson are not characters in Gutowitz’s life but symbolic figures—celebrities who “dared to go where no LGBTQ had gone before,” as Gutowitz writes of the Sapphic paparazzi canon. They are agents of queered visibility.

Emma, Gutowitz’s girlfriend in later chapters, is the person with whom Gutowitz hopes to someday carry a sex bench. The bench connects the abstract fantasy of Chapter 4 to the real relationship in Chapters 13 and 14.

Themes:

• Queer Shame and Reclamation – The bench openly displays what queer people were long shamed for: active, acknowledged sexuality. Carrying it out in daylight is an act of reclamation.
• Pop Culture as a Tool for Identity Formation – Gutowitz learns what a relationship could look like by studying paparazzi photos; the bench becomes a formative image.
• The Internet’s Role in Queer Connection and Trauma – The bench exists as a digital photograph, circulated and saved, allowing queer people to build shared folklore.
• The Tension Between Fame and Genuine Connection – The bench literalizes a choice: pursue Hollywood status (like the hollow Chateau Marmont party) or build a home where a sex bench lives.
• Toxic Relationships and the Search for Authentic Love – The bench contrasts with Gutowitz’s painful dynamic with Darcy, where her desire was unrequited and tangled in shame.

Four Study Questions with Answers

1. How does the sex bench reframe the concept of “domesticity” for queer couples?

Answer: Traditional paparazzi domesticity shows straight couples performing chores like grocery shopping or moving boxes. The sex bench reframes domesticity as a space where sexual identity is not hidden but integrated into everyday life. By carrying a kink item into their home in broad daylight, Delevingne and Benson reject the closet and assert that queer domestic life includes explicit pleasure. Gutowitz’s desire to reenact this scene shows that domesticity, for her, must include the freedom to be publicly, materially queer.

2. In what ways does the sex bench function as both a celebrity commodity and a personal symbol for Gutowitz?

Answer: As a celebrity commodity, the bench is a luxury item (nearly $400), photographed by paparazzi and analyzed by gossip sites. Gutowitz engages with it as a fan, knowing the exact model and price. But she personalizes it by stating that she wants to carry a sex bench “with my rumored girlfriend,” turning a commodity into a relationship goal. The bench bridges the gap between distant celebrity fantasy and attainable queer partnership.

3. How does Gutowitz use humor and specificity (price, brand, “still-in-box”) to control the meaning of the sex bench?

Answer: The humor (the “lol” on “still-in-box (lol, box)”) and hyper-specific details ground the bench in reality, preventing it from becoming an abstract symbol. By naming the exact models and costs, Gutowitz shows she has done her research, which mirrors the way queer fans meticulously cataloged scarce representation. The specificity also defuses potential embarrassment—discussing a sex bench could be awkward, but the deadpan treatment makes it a legitimate topic for cultural analysis.

4. Compare the sex bench photo to other Sapphic paparazzi photos Gutowitz discusses. What makes this one “the most legendary”?

Answer: Gutowitz ranks other photos by their queer redefinition of straight tropes: Cara Delevingne and Michelle Rodriguez making out courtside, Miley Cyrus kissing Kaitlynn Carter on a yacht, Queen Latifah lying on the ground to capture content for her girlfriend. The sex bench photo is “most legendary” because it combines all these elements—open sexuality, humor, and a refusal to hide—with the most explicitly domestic and prosaic act. It shows that queer couples can be both ordinary and transgressive, and it offers a concrete object that can be saved, shared, and aspired to.