Chapter 173: This Isn’t a Game – Lizzie
Spoiler Notice
This summary and analysis contains detailed plot points from Chapter 173 of Releasing 10 (The Boys of Tommen). If you have not yet read the chapter, proceed with caution.
Summary
Three days after school began, Lizzie remains at home. Her father, openly disgusted, drove her to the hospital expecting her to be admitted, but she was released after seventy-two hours because of bed shortages and her lack of immediate risk to herself. Doctors described her episodes as mixed, but Lizzie feels her highs are intensifying and she craves the oblivion where her mind stops thinking.
Losing large chunks of time and zoned out, Lizzie’s empathy has collapsed. She shifts rapidly between hypersexuality and suicidal urges. Her parents often leave the house in the evenings, and Lizzie believes her father wants her dead—giving her privacy to kill herself.
Late Wednesday evening, alone and pacing, the doorbell rings. Lizzie hesitates, afraid it might be a hallucination or the threatening woman from her past. She opens the door anyway, indifferent to dying. Hugh stands there, claiming to have left his phone charger in her room. He retrieves it from under her tangled sheets.
Lizzie blocks the doorway and begs him to stay. She touches his stomach, then slides her hands inside his waistband. Hugh resists, insisting they are over, but Lizzie continues to stroke and tease him, whispering that she can make him feel better than anyone else. When she describes him inside her, he succumbs, groaning as he climaxes. Afterward, he trembles with guilt and shame.
Lizzie withdraws, feels a flicker of love for him, and excuses herself to the bathroom. Washing her hands, she looks in the mirror and sees a stranger—a whore who has stolen her face. A memory echoes: Good girls stay still and take it. Only whores fight back. She retrieves her razor, climbs into the bath, and carves into her thigh, soothing her soul with each cut.
Key Events
- Lizzie is home after a three-day psychiatric hold; her father’s disdain is now open.
- She experiences time loss, sensory overload, and fluctuating libido and self-harm urges.
- Hugh arrives to retrieve his charger.
- Lizzie physically blocks him, uses seduction to keep him.
- Hugh verbally resists and tries to assert they are over, but he does not physically stop her.
- Lizzie brings him to orgasm manually.
- After Hugh leaves, she washes her hands, loses her reflection to a stranger, and cuts herself.
- The chapter ends with her self-harming to stabilize before a mood switch.
Character Development
Lizzie Young – Lizzie’s mental state deteriorates further. She is aware of her manipulations yet feels detached from her actions. The chapter shows her oscillation between love for Hugh and a compulsion to use him as a tool for temporary relief. Her post-coital guilt is genuine but brief, replaced by the need to self-harm. The mirror scene underscores her fractured identity; she sees a “whore” she believes she has become, linking her present actions to past trauma.
Hugh – Hugh’s appearance is ostensibly practical, but his willingness to enter her house and linger suggests unresolved feelings. He verbally insists they are over, yet his body betrays him—clenching, thrusting, and ultimately giving in. His trembling and bowed head after the act reveal deep shame and conflict. He still loves her but is trying to move on; Lizzie’s manipulation exploits that vulnerability.
Themes, Symbols, or Motifs
- Mental Illness and Mixed Episodes – Lizzie’s description of “highs getting higher” and rapidly cycling between sexual desire and self-harm reflects the chaotic reality of bipolar mixed states. The blurring of reality (doorbell hallucination) adds to the theme of fractured perception.
- Control and Power – Lizzie exerts control over Hugh through her physical touch and explicit language, reversing the power imbalance she feels at home. Yet she cannot control her own mind, leading to self-harm.
- The Body as Weapon and Wound – Lizzie uses her body to seduce (weapon) and then wounds it (razor). Both acts are attempts to regulate internal chaos.
- The Mirror and Identity – Lizzie sees a stranger in the mirror, a “whore” who is not the real her. This dissociation echoes her earlier comment about a monster or scary lady. The razor becomes a tool to reaffirm a sense of self through pain.
- “Good girls stay still” – The memory of a past abuser’s words ties her current sexual assertiveness to rebellion against that conditioning. She now fights back—but only by hurting herself.
Why This Chapter Matters
This chapter is a turning point in Lizzie’s spiral. It confirms the depth of her illness beyond gestures toward suicide. Her manipulation of Hugh is not just romantic drama; it is a symptom of her unstable state and a sign that she cannot maintain healthy relationships. The chapter also exposes the utter failure of her support system—her father wants her dead, her mother is absent, and Hugh, though caring, is unable to protect her from herself. It sets up the necessity for either a catastrophic event or a genuine intervention.
Study Questions and Answers
1. How does Lizzie’s mental state in this chapter reflect the medical concept of a “mixed episode”?
Her description of simultaneous high energy, hypersexuality, and suicidal urges aligns with mixed affective states, where mania and depression coexist. She experiences time loss, sensory overload, and a collapse of empathy—all consistent with severe bipolar episodes.
2. Why does Hugh give in to Lizzie despite insisting they are over?
Hugh is emotionally conflicted: he still loves Lizzie and desires her physically. His repeated verbal refusals and physical tension show he is fighting his feelings, but Lizzie’s explicit language and tactile assault overwhelm his defenses. His shame afterward confirms that he betrayed his own intention to move on.
3. What is the significance of Lizzie washing her hands after Hugh leaves and then looking in the mirror?
Washing her hands is a literal cleansing of Hugh from her skin, but it also represents an attempt to wash away guilt. The mirror scene reveals her complete dissociation—she no longer recognizes herself. This dissociation is a precursor to self-harm, which she uses to feel real again and to stabilize her mood before the next episode.