Chapter 9 (2010) Summary & Analysis

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.

Summary

The 2010 chapter opens with David Sedaris touring Australia, where a fan compares his voice to a Muppet. He then travels to London and Paris, recording frustrations with public transport, confusing supermarket products (Lightly Dusted River Cobbler), and cashier incompetence. Back in the U.S., he visits his cousin Nancy, who runs a school using a therapy horse, and later lunches with the comedian Phyllis Diller. Hugh persuades David to buy a cottage in West Sussex after rejecting a place called Faggot Stacks. David undergoes a painful tooth extraction and later rescues a shrew, naming it Valentine. He notes humorous observations about lifeguards, pool attire, and cell-phone etiquette. During a book tour, he collects jokes from fans and witnesses a grandmother berating her granddaughter on a train. The year ends with David picking up litter in the English countryside and being offered a seat on the tube for the first time, a mixed sign of aging. He spends a subdued Christmas with Hugh, reflecting on his father’s boycott of church.

Key Events

Sydney, January 17: A fan tells David he “sounds just like a Muppet.”
Perth, January 20: A volunteer gives long directions before revealing the museum is closed on Tuesday.
London, January 25: David argues with a bus driver about paying extra after a route change; later, he bristles at a two-pound entry fee for an antiques fair but forgives England after finding a cushion he loves.
London, January 28–29: A Middle Eastern woman asks if “Lightly Dusted River Cobbler” is fish; David remembers “Crumbled Ham Dummy” and an unhelpful security guard.
Florida (email), January 29: David’s cousin Nancy sends a photo of a certified therapy horse wearing sneakers.
London, February 21: Eleanor’s 98th birthday party; she wishes she could walk again. David meets nephew Michael and his wife Mary.
Paris, March 27: David misinterprets a photo exhibition titled “Fathers and Sons.”
Paris, April 1: David jokes he has overactive bladder twice after peeing fourteen times.
Kingston, NY, April 10: At Target, a cashier refuses his passport as ID for Claritin-D; a colleague says to type in “New York, New York” as a workaround.
Los Angeles, May 6: Lunch with Phyllis Diller at her home. She tells off-color jokes and shows her paintings; David buys one for $400 through “Phil Dil Productions.”
West Sussex, July 6–13: David and Hugh look at properties, fall in love with Swan Cottage, and have their offer accepted. Hugh cries about leaving their French house.
Paris, July 13: David has four teeth extracted; Dr. Guig compliments his turnaround. Hugh submits the asking price and the cottage is accepted.
La Bagotière, August 19: David rescues a shrew, names it Valentine, but releases it after learning it needs insects.
La Bagotière, August 24: A lifeguard tells David his swimsuit is on inside out.
London, September 7: British friend Zoe laughs at place names like Faggot Stacks and Slack Bottom; she spent summers in Slack Bottom.
Makkum, Netherlands, September 15: Amy uses a toy cell phone to fake calls; David learns of a miscarriage between Amy and Gretchen.
Atlanta, October 8: A woman’s T-shirt reads “I WISH THESE WERE BRAINS.”
Columbia, MO, October 14: An elderly woman with a “MARRIAGE = 1 MAN + 1 WOMAN” bumper sticker parks in a handicapped spot.
Philadelphia, October 17: A driver obsesses over a daytime TV host’s name, calling his wife and mother to find it.
October 30–December 2: Various jokes from book signings, including one about a genie giving a man’s wife double, and another about a snail seeking revenge.
East Lansing, MI, November 16: A woman complains loudly on the phone about the signing wait; David has her brought to the front.
London, December 10: On a train from Paris, David witnesses a grandmother hitting her granddaughter with a guidebook and criticising her.
Amberley/London, December 18: David picks up litter; a woman complains about the “joke” of a country after a train cancellation.
London, December 24: A young man offers David his seat on the tube for the first time.
London, December 25: Hugh makes avgolemono soup; David calls his dad, who is boycotting church.

Character Development

David Sedaris: Shows heightened awareness of his own aging (offered seat, lost teeth) and increased frustration with pettiness (bus fare, ID rules). Yet he reveals compassion, rescuing a shrew and picking up litter without being asked. His relationship with Hugh deepens during the house purchase and dental procedure.
Hugh: Supports David at the dentist and champions the West Sussex cottage. His emotional reaction to leaving their French home shows his attachment to places.
Phyllis Diller: Depicted as full of life, mixing crude jokes with artistic ambitions and a mantra about gratitude. She contrasts the aging Eleanor and the grandmother on the train.
The Grandmother on the Train: A vivid portrait of verbal and physical abuse, providing David with a “lesson in exposition” and ambivalent jealousy.

Themes, Symbols, or Motifs

Absurdities of Consumer Culture: Misleading product names (River Cobbler, Crumbled Ham Dummy), incompetent cashiers, and the ritual of buying lottery tickets on Christmas Eve.
Aging and Mortality: Eleanor’s wish to walk, Phyllis’s physical frailty, David’s tooth extraction, and the first offered seat all confront the passage of time.
Cultural Differences: American vs. British vs. French behavior – tidiness, seat usage, customer service, and place names with double entendres.
Humor as a Coping Mechanism: Jokes from signings, Phyllis’s crass one-liners, and David’s own ironic commentary allow him to process discomfort and frustration.
Learning from Observation: David treats a grandmother’s tirade as a writing lesson, illustrating how he turns real life into material.

Why This Chapter Matters

This chapter marks a turning point in Sedaris’s life: the purchase of a permanent country home in England, which later becomes a recurring setting. It also consolidates his signature blend of diary-style reportage – mixing travel, personal health, and family moments with sharp observation of everyday absurdities. The tooth extraction and the shrew rescue reveal a vulnerable, caring side, while the ongoing collection of fan jokes shows his dedication to craft. The chapter demonstrates how Sedaris mines both the trivial and the profound from ordinary interactions.

Study Questions and Answers

1. How does David’s interaction with the Target cashier illustrate cultural and bureaucratic absurdity?
The cashier refuses his passport as valid ID for Claritin-D, insisting he needs a state license. When a colleague explains she can type in his information manually, the cashier asks “England? What state is that in?” and is told to pretend he lives in New York. This scene highlights how rigid, illogical systems and poor training create unnecessary friction, a recurring theme in Sedaris’s work.

2. What does the birthday party for 98-year-old Eleanor reveal about Sedaris’s view of aging and desire?
Eleanor immediately wishes to walk again, showing clear, poignant desire. David contrasts this with his own vague birthday wishes like “world peace.” The scene, coupled with his later tooth loss and first offered seat on the tube, shows Sedaris’s growing awareness of his own mortality and the specific, physical losses that come with age.

3. Why does David feel jealousy toward the teenage girl being abused by her grandmother on the train?
Despite the cruelty, David recognizes that the grandmother is a “gold mine dressed like a gold miner” – a character so vivid and unfiltered that a writer would treasure her as material. His jealousy reveals his writer’s instinct to value powerful, raw human interactions over comfort, even when witnessing suffering.