Chapter 2: 2003 Summary and Analysis
⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.
Summary
The chapter opens in London with a dinner at the home of Allison and Ian. Allison, drinking heavily, shows David a tooth that fell out without bleeding or pain. Ian describes the corporal punishment he endured at boarding school, where boys were caned on the buttocks for minor infractions. Later, David and Hugh visit a tile shop and witness a Jamaican man unsuccessfully ask a saleswoman for a ride to a nearby street. While walking to Tesco, David is struck on the head by boys riding bicycles on the sidewalk; he reflects on a childhood memory of being threatened by a driver after giving him the finger, and regrets not confronting the boys. On a bus, an Indian man and a black man trade racial insults over seating, and David mentally scripts a more effective comeback.
In Paris, David observes anti-war demonstrations where students chant "Bush est un assassin." Hugh is interviewed by a local paper and criticized by their friend Pierre for trashing Bush. Anti-American sentiment runs high: David notes a poster defaced with "US go your fucking home" across Vin Diesel's face, and Manuela admits it's easier to criticize all Americans. David watches the Miss Universe pageant, where the French commentators mock Donald Trump and Miss Serbia and Montenegro gives a thoughtful answer about staying herself. At dinner, an Iranian woman named Marjane tells a joke about a woman who bets she can touch the bank president's testicles, using the bet to win a larger wager.
David tours the United States for readings. In Madison, airport security ransacks his suitcase, flipping through a German translation of Me Talk Pretty. He hears about a woman forced to drink her own breast milk at security. In North Carolina, Hugh calls to announce he now loves baseball after attending a Mets game. On the road with his sister Lisa, David listens to Dr. Laura, whom Lisa calls a bitch. In Memphis, he gets a haircut at a black barbershop, feeling awkward but welcomed by stylist Shelly; he reflects on racial tension and the need to be amusing. He reads an article about apotemnophilia—people who desire amputation of healthy limbs—and later sees a legless woman in Chicago, thinking "You made your bed."
Back in France, David notes the heat wave and a circus parade with overheated animals. In Granville, he sees a rehab center for stroke victims where disabled people struggle to get out of an in-ground pool. Hugh dreams of a book called Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, which David jots down, later using it as a title. Lisa gives a masturbating monkey figurine to Paul, who hides it in her decaf coffee; her father-in-law, a retired Baptist minister with Alzheimer's, finds it. In Paris, David walks through Christmas crowds past luxury shops to see a communist-led march of the unemployed. He watches a bizarre English TV show where men collect women's pubic hair from toilet seats and directly from women; the loser is forced to eat a pizza topped with his harvest.
Key Events
- Dinner with Allison and Ian: Allison's tooth falls out, Ian recounts boarding-school caning.
- Boys on bicycles hit David on the head; he recalls a childhood threat and feels cowardly.
- Bus argument between Indian and black men escalates with racial slurs.
- Anti-war demonstrations in Paris; French anti-American sentiment pervasive.
- Airport security searches David's suitcase, scrutinizing his book translation.
- David gets a haircut at a black barbershop in Memphis, reflecting on race.
- An article on apotemnophilia leads David to judge a legless woman.
- Hugh's dream provides the title Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim.
- The masturbating monkey prank backfires on Lisa's father-in-law.
- A TV show features men collecting pubic hair; loser eats a pizza topped with it.
Character Development
David Sedaris emerges as a keen observer of human absurdity, often caught between judgment and empathy. He regrets his cowardice after the bike attack, mentally scripts retorts to strangers, and admits to feeling awkward in racially divided spaces. His reaction to the apotemnophilia article shows a struggle to understand extreme desires. He remains a non-drinker, noting accidental sips of alcohol.
Hugh appears as a supportive partner, often exasperated by American culture (the radio station in Queens) but also revealing a softer side—his dream gives David a book title. Lisa, David's sister, shares his irreverence, calling Dr. Laura a bitch and dealing with the monkey prank's aftermath. Pierre represents close-minded French nationalism, criticizing Hugh for anti-Bush comments while flirting with an American woman. Allison and Ian epitomize heavy-drinking expats, their stories tinged with desperation and dark humor. Manuela admits to generalizing about Americans, showing the ease of prejudice.
Themes, Symbols, or Motifs
| Theme | Evidence |
|---|---|
| Anti-American sentiment during the Iraq War | Protests, defaced posters, French criticism of Bush, Jordanians switching cigarettes, US hunters dumping Bordeaux, French's Mustard distancing itself from France. |
| Absurdity and humiliation in modern life | Tooth falling out without pain, forced to drink breast milk at airport, pizza topped with pubic hair, a man putting his leg in a woodchipper. |
| Race and cultural tension | Bus argument using racial slurs, segregated barbershops, David's discomfort in a black space, the needling competition between black and white people. |
| Memory and cowardice | David's recollection of being threatened as a child, his failure to confront the bike-riding boys, the permanent camp of a threatening memory. |
| Disability and bodily autonomy | Apotemnophilia, the rehab center pool without steps, the legless woman in Chicago, David's shift from pity to judgment. |
| Consumerism and class | Cashmere oven mitts, hand-embroidered sponges, Christmas shoppers versus unemployed marchers. |
Why This Chapter Matters
The 2003 diaries capture a pivotal historical moment—the build-up to the Iraq War and its effect on everyday life in Europe and America. Sedaris uses his sharp observational lens to document the idiocies of both sides: overzealous patriotism, vacuous celebrity culture, and the petty cruelties people inflict on one another. The chapter also introduces the title of his future book Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, showing how his creative process draws from daily life. The range of topics—from a masturbating monkey to a pubic-hair-eating contest—demonstrates Sedaris's commitment to finding humor in the grotesque and the mundane alike. This chapter deepens his persona as a vulnerable yet witty narrator who often fails to act but never fails to notice.
Study Questions and Answers
1. How does Sedaris use the bus argument between the Indian and black men to explore racial dynamics?
Sedaris presents the argument as a verbal escalation where each man tries to outdo the other with insults about mothers and monkeys. Instead of physical violence, the conflict fizzles when more passengers board. Sedaris reflects that he would have targeted the Indian man's bald spot rather than his mother, suggesting that effective retorts require understanding another's vulnerabilities. The scene underscores the tension between public hostility and private shame.
2. What does the apotemnophilia article reveal about Sedaris's attitude toward unusual desires?
Sedaris admits he usually can wrap his mind around anything, but the desire for amputation "really throws me." He imagines practical difficulties—calling a taxi, getting back into a chat room—and later judges a legless woman by thinking "You made your bed." This reveals his struggle between empathy and incredulity, as well as his tendency to apply a utilitarian logic to body image issues.
3. Why does Sedaris include the TV show where men collect pubic hair and the loser eats pizza topped with it?
The anecdote exemplifies the absurdity and humiliation that permeate modern entertainment. Sedaris notes that the handsomest man wins because of looks, not skill—a commentary on unfair advantage. The punishment of eating the collected hair is grotesque but memorable, highlighting how reality TV exploits human dignity for shock value. The entry also fits the chapter's pattern of observing bizarre human behavior without explicit moral judgment.