Self-Improvement as a Means of Proving Worth in She Gets the Girl
The Hollow Promise of Proving Yourself to Someone Else in She Gets the Girl
In She Gets the Girl, Rachael Lippincott and Alyson Derrick explore a deceptively simple question: can you change who you are by performing a role for someone else? The novel’s central thematic claim is that self-improvement driven by a desire to prove one’s worth to another person is ultimately hollow. Real growth, the story argues, comes from internal change—from learning to be honest with yourself, to accept your own flaws, and to care for others without expecting something in return. Alex Blackwood’s plan to help Molly Parker win Cora Myers’s heart is the engine of this theme, but the novel repeatedly shows that the plan’s success has nothing to do with what Alex proves to her girlfriend Natalie. Instead, it is the process of genuinely caring for Molly—and finally confronting her own family trauma—that allows Alex to become someone who can love and be loved.
The Transactional Start: Self-Improvement as a Bargain
Alex’s journey begins with a breakup that shatters her self-image. After Natalie accuses her of being emotionally unavailable and predicts she will end up like her alcoholic mother, Alex rides the SEPTA train alone, reflecting that Natalie was right about her isolation. She resolves to change, but her first instinct is to find a way to prove that change to Natalie. When she calls Natalie from Pittsburgh, she promises, “Let me prove to you I can change. Let me prove to you that you can trust me.” Natalie’s response—that she’ll see Alex on September 30th—turns the relationship into a deadline.
The plan to help Molly is born from this same transactional logic. In chapter 7, after a party where Alex flirts with Cora and inadvertently hurts Molly, Alex realizes that helping Molly get Cora could be “something real and tangible to show Natalie in a month that will prove I am different.” She even tells Molly, “I need proof… proof for my kinda, sorta girlfriend that I can be a semidecent person.” Alex’s self-improvement is not about becoming a better person for herself; it is about earning a reward—Natalie’s trust, Natalie’s love, Natalie’s validation. The plan is a performance, and Molly is the stage.
The Plan Backfires: Genuine Care Emerges
As Alex begins coaching Molly, the plan starts to unravel in ways that reveal the theme’s complexity. Alex’s initial motivation is external, but the process of spending time with Molly—teaching her how to flirt, sitting with her in class, reading Pride and Prejudice—forces Alex to confront her own assumptions. In chapter 23, while at the library with Molly and Cora, Alex reflects on her choice to study premed despite loving literature. She thinks, “I don’t have the luxury of worrying about what I do like. Not with things the way they are. Not when I have to support my mom.” This moment shows that Alex’s self-improvement has always been directed outward—first to her mother, now to Natalie—never toward her own desires.
But the plan also produces something unexpected: genuine friendship. In the same chapter, Alex watches Molly and Cora walk to the café and thinks, “I genuinely want Molly to succeed. Because I care about her. Because she’s my friend. No matter what Natalie thinks.” This is a turning point. Alex’s care for Molly is no longer a means to an end; it is an end in itself. The novel suggests that when self-improvement is rooted in authentic connection, it can lead to real change—but only if the person stops measuring their worth by another’s approval.
The Collapse of External Validation
The theme reaches its climax in two parallel confrontations. First, Alex’s mother’s car accident forces her to leave Pittsburgh and drive to Philadelphia with Jim, the food truck owner. In chapter 33, Jim tells Alex, “You can’t be responsible for her anymore. She has to be responsible for herself.” Alex finally admits to her mother, “I’ve spent so much time fixing people, but… I never bothered to help myself.” This is the moment Alex recognizes that her lifelong pattern of self-improvement—taking care of her mother, trying to prove herself to Natalie—has been a way of avoiding her own needs. She tells her mother she needs to get help, and for the first time, Alex sets a boundary.
Second, when Natalie arrives in Pittsburgh, Alex realizes that the relationship was never going to work. In chapter 31, after Natalie tries to manipulate her, Alex says, “Maybe I couldn’t open up to you because you weren’t worth it.” She walks out, slamming the door—but this time it feels good. The plan to prove herself to Natalie is abandoned, and Alex is left with nothing to prove. This is the novel’s central contradiction: the self-improvement Alex undertook for external validation actually led her to a place where she no longer needed that validation. The plan failed as a transaction but succeeded as a transformation.
The Resolution: Internal Change and Honest Confession
The final chapter of the main narrative, chapter 37, shows Alex and Molly in the library. Alex has just taken her mother to rehab, and Molly has just left Cora at the art gala, realizing she doesn’t feel the same way. When Molly asks Alex if she ever thought they would date, Alex admits yes. When Molly asks if she still does, Alex says no—because she assumes Molly likes Cora. But Molly confesses she was thinking of Alex the whole time. Their kiss is not a reward for a completed plan; it is the natural result of two people who have stopped trying to be someone else.
Alex’s final line, “Step five is telling her how I feel,” is the culmination of the theme. The five-step plan was originally about getting Cora to fall for Molly, but it has become a metaphor for Alex’s own growth. The final step is not a tactic; it is an act of vulnerability. Alex declares she is in love with Molly, and Molly says she loves Alex too. The novel ends with Molly saying, “I got the girl,” and Alex saying, “My plan worked.” But the irony is that the plan worked not because Alex proved anything to Natalie, but because she stopped trying to prove anything at all.
Complexity and Contradiction: The Plan’s Double Edge
The novel does not present self-improvement as a simple binary. Alex’s plan is both a lie and a truth. It is a lie because it is motivated by a desire to win Natalie back, but it becomes true because Alex genuinely cares for Molly. The plan also forces Alex to confront her own dishonesty—about her feelings for Natalie, about her choice of major, about her relationship with her mother. In this way, the novel suggests that even flawed motivations can lead to genuine growth, but only if the person is willing to let go of the original goal.
Molly’s arc mirrors this complexity. She agrees to Alex’s plan because she wants to change herself to be worthy of Cora. But as she spends time with Alex, she realizes that being herself—awkward, anxious, and honest—is enough. At the art gala, she wears her mother’s red dress, a symbol of confidence, but she still doesn’t feel a spark with Cora. Her self-improvement was never about becoming someone else; it was about learning to accept who she already was.
Symbols of Internal vs. External Worth
The novel uses several symbols to reinforce the theme. The Carnegie Library, where Alex and Molly have many of their conversations, represents the space where Alex’s true self—her love of literature—can emerge. Alex’s bike, which she rides to the library to find Molly, symbolizes her choice to pursue genuine connection rather than a performance. Jim’s food truck is a place of honest work and mentorship; Jim tells Alex she cannot carry her mother’s weight, a lesson that applies to her relationship with Natalie as well. The red dress Molly wears to the gala is a symbol of her attempt to impress Cora, but she ultimately realizes that confidence cannot be borrowed from a garment.
Study Questions and Answers
1. How does Alex’s initial motivation for helping Molly reflect the theme of self-improvement as a means of proving worth?
Alex’s motivation is transactional: she wants to show Natalie she can change by helping Molly get Cora. She explicitly says she needs “proof” for Natalie, and she views the plan as a tangible demonstration of her worth. This reflects the theme because Alex is trying to earn external validation rather than grow internally.
2. What evidence in the novel shows that Alex’s plan begins to shift from external to internal motivation?
In chapter 23, Alex reflects that she genuinely wants Molly to succeed because she cares about her as a friend, “no matter what Natalie thinks.” This is a key shift because Alex’s care for Molly is no longer contingent on Natalie’s approval. Additionally, Alex’s internal conflict about premed versus literature shows she is starting to question whether she is living for herself or for others.
3. How does Alex’s confrontation with her mother in chapter 33 complicate the theme?
Alex’s mother’s accident forces Alex to realize that she has been “fixing people” without helping herself. Jim’s advice that Alex cannot be responsible for her mother’s recovery parallels the theme: self-improvement cannot be imposed from the outside. Alex must set boundaries and allow her mother to take responsibility, just as she must stop trying to prove herself to Natalie.
4. In what way does the novel suggest that external validation is ultimately hollow?
The novel shows that Alex’s plan to prove herself to Natalie fails—Natalie is not the right person for Alex, and Alex realizes this in chapter 31. The plan’s success is not measured by Natalie’s approval but by Alex’s own growth. Similarly, Molly’s attempt to change for Cora fails because Cora is not the right person for her. The novel suggests that when self-improvement is tied to another person’s opinion, it is fragile and ultimately unsatisfying.
5. How do the symbols of the library and the red dress reinforce the theme?
The library represents a space where Alex can be her authentic self—she loves reading and literature, but she suppresses that love for premed. The library is where she and Molly connect genuinely, and where Alex finally confesses her feelings. The red dress represents Molly’s attempt to project confidence for Cora, but she realizes that confidence must come from within. Both symbols show that true worth is found in self-acceptance, not in performing for others.