Phil Gulman in Misfit: Character Analysis of Gary Gulman's Father

Overview

Phil Gulman is Gary Gulman's father, a divorced dad who appears throughout Misfit as a gruff, protective, and occasionally baffling presence. The memoir introduces him in September 1976, when Gary is about to start first grade. At that point Phil is fifty, with gray and black hair, a square jaw, and a thick Boston accent that turns "smart" into "smaht" and "precocious" into "puhcocious." He sells curtains for his uncles' interior decorating company, a job Gary is embarrassed to admit to anyone. Phil has remarried a woman named Jan, whom Gary and his brothers love but rarely mention around their mother. The text explicitly states that Phil's own mother was "not well" and institutionalized when he was born, and that he was raised in foster homes until age four, when his Russian immigrant grandparents brought him to live with them and their eleven children in Chelsea, Massachusetts. This background shapes much of his parenting style, though the memoir leaves the causal links to the reader's interpretation.

Phil is not a central character in every chapter, but he recurs at key moments in Gary's childhood and adolescence. He is the Sunday dad who takes Gary and his brothers to pancake houses, tells stories of his own dismal upbringing, and dispenses advice that is sometimes practical, sometimes tone-deaf. He also intervenes directly in Gary's school life, most notably when he confronts a teacher who humiliates Gary. Later, he appears in brief but telling scenes, such as his comment after Gary's first serious breakup. Through these appearances, Phil emerges as a man who cares deeply but expresses that care through actions and blunt words rather than open affection.

Plot Role

Phil's primary role is to be the divorced father who shows up on Sundays. In the opening of the chapter "First," Gary kneels on the living room sofa waiting for his dad's arrival, and the visit includes a trip to the "House-a-Pancakes" in Danvers. Phil checks Gary's fingernails, tells stories about his Chelsea childhood, and drives home while listening to talk radio. This Sunday routine is the backbone of their relationship for several years. The text notes that Gary used to dread Sundays because they meant visiting "packs of old Jews," but after Phil's remarriage, the visits become lighter—candlepin bowling, the Stone Zoo, miniature golf, or watching remote-control airplanes. Phil's role shifts from a distant, duty-bound parent to a more engaged one, though he remains gruff.

Phil also serves as an enforcer of rules, even for strangers. The most dramatic example is the middle finger incident. When a boy in a station wagon flips Phil off after Phil honks, Phil follows the car home to complain to the boy's parents. Gary, who knows the boy is his best friend Wally Mitler, conceals the friendship. This incident reveals Phil's temper and his sense of justice, but it also creates a secret that weighs on Gary. Later, Phil takes Gary and Wally to a carnival, showing that he can be gracious when he learns the truth, though the text does not say whether he ever learns that Wally was the finger-flipper.

In the school years, Phil steps in when Gary is struggling. When Gary is forced to repeat first grade, Phil and Gary's brother convince him that the decision is an advantage, and Phil tells him to fight anyone who teases him. When Mrs. Rand, Gary's second-grade teacher, humiliates him over his handwriting and holds a class vote against him, Phil confronts her directly. The confrontation results in an agreement: Gary will behave, and Rand will send weekly notes home. This intervention is a turning point in Gary's school experience, as he finishes the year with good grades.

Motivations and Traits

Phil's motivations are not spelled out in the text, but his actions suggest a few consistent drives. First, he wants his sons to be tough and resilient. His advice to fight anyone who teases Gary is explicit, and it aligns with his own history of surviving a harsh childhood. He also wants to protect his children from the kind of humiliation he may have experienced. When he confronts Rand, he is defending Gary against a teacher who has publicly shamed him. Second, Phil wants to connect with his sons, even if he does so awkwardly. He takes them to pancake houses, tells stories, and allows Gary to invite a friend to the carnival. Third, he has a strong sense of right and wrong, which sometimes manifests as rage. The text describes him as "like a cop" who "wouldn't hesitate to discipline strangers," including running after a driver who tossed a Coke can out the window and threatening a teenager who said "asshole" near the beach.

Phil's traits are consistent: gruff, quick-tempered, proud, and occasionally obtuse. He is also sentimental in his own way, telling stories of his upbringing "with great enthusiasm and detail." Gary notes that his mother fell in love with Phil because of these stories. Phil is not physically affectionate, but he shows care through actions—thrusting his arm across Gary's chest when he stops short, taking Gary and Wally on rides at the carnival, and throwing a baseball with Gary until his bursitis-compromised arm gives out. He is also capable of surprising grace, as when he allows Gary to invite Wally along after the middle finger fiasco.

Chronological Arc

Phil's presence in the memoir follows a rough arc from active father to more distant advisor. In the early chapters (first grade, second first, fifth), he is a regular Sunday presence and a direct intervener. In sixth and seventh grade, he appears in a more recreational role, throwing baseballs with Gary. By eleventh grade, his role has shrunk to a single comment. When Gary is devastated by his breakup with Kristel, Phil says, "She wasn't that pretty." Gary describes this as "obtuse," and it is a far cry from the father who once fought for him in school. The text does not explain why Phil becomes less involved, but it may reflect Gary's growing independence and Phil's own aging. The memoir's flash-forwards to 2017 and 2018 show Gary reflecting on his father's influence, but Phil himself does not appear in those scenes.

Relationships

Phil's relationship with Gary is the most developed. It is characterized by a mix of love, fear, and misunderstanding. Gary is afraid to bring friends around Phil because he worries they might irritate him or step out of line. He also hides his friendship with Wally because he fears Phil's reaction. Yet Phil is also a source of encouragement—he calls Gary "Genius" and tells him it's good to be smart but not precocious. The relationship is not warm in a conventional sense, but it is clearly important to Gary, who remembers Phil's stories and advice throughout the memoir.

Phil's relationship with Gary's mother is defined by divorce. The text mentions that Gary's mother never dated again after the divorce, and that Phil writes a $110 check every Sunday, which often leads to arguments. Phil's remarriage to Jan is a source of tension, as Gary and his brothers love Jan but avoid mentioning her around their mother. Phil's relationship with his other sons, Rick and Max, is less detailed, but he is present in their lives as well. He also interacts with teachers and strangers, often with a confrontational edge.

Key Decisions and Consequences

Phil makes several decisions that have lasting consequences for Gary. The most significant is his decision to follow the car after the middle finger incident. This leads Gary to lie about knowing Wally, creating a secret that adds to Gary's "list of shameful secrets." It also reinforces Gary's fear of his father's temper. A second key decision is his advice to fight anyone who teases Gary. This advice directly leads to Gary's later fights, including the headbutt in fifth grade and the shoving of Danny Booth. While the advice may have been intended to build toughness, it also puts Gary in physical danger. A third decision is his confrontation with Mrs. Rand. This intervention is more positive, as it results in a workable agreement and Gary's improved grades. Finally, his comment about Kristel's looks is a decision to console Gary in his own blunt way, but it lands as dismissive and unhelpful.

Theme Connections

Phil's character connects to several of the memoir's central themes. The epigraph from Fred Rogers, which opens the book, asserts that people spend their lives reworking childhood material—developing positive self-regard, managing anger, and learning to part from loved ones. Phil's own childhood, marked by institutionalization and foster care, is a clear example of material that he reworks through his stories and his parenting. His advice about fighting is an attempt to manage anger, though it may not be the healthiest approach. His gruffness and his inability to express affection may be a coping mechanism for his own trauma, though the text does not explicitly say so.

Phil also embodies the theme of the pursuit of external validation versus internal self-worth. He seems to value toughness and external signs of success, such as fighting back and getting good grades. Gary, in contrast, struggles with self-worth and seeks validation from others, as seen in his desire to make friends and his later pursuit of basketball and comedy. Phil's comment about Kristel's looks suggests he values appearance, which may reflect a superficial measure of worth. However, the memoir ultimately shows Gary moving toward internal self-worth, as seen in his advice to his younger self in the final chapter.

Phil is also a misfit in his own way. Gary notes that his dad "had no friends and was weird—or had none because he was weird." Phil's best friend was Gary's mother, and after the divorce he seems isolated. This aligns with the theme of being a misfit and embracing that identity. Phil's stories of his Chelsea upbringing, with its eleven aunts and uncles, suggest a chaotic but formative environment that made him who he is. His gruffness may be a shield against the world, a way of coping with his own sense of not belonging.

Questions and Answers

What does Phil Gulman do when a boy gives him the middle finger in the car? He follows the car home to complain to the boy's parents. The text describes him as "determined to make the boy's parents aware of their son's transgression," and he pulls into the driveway across the street from Gary's house. Gary, who recognizes the boy as his best friend Wally, conceals the friendship.
What advice does Phil give Gary about being teased in school? He tells Gary to fight anyone who teases him. This advice appears in the chapter "Second First," when Gary is repeating first grade. Phil and Gary's brother convince Gary that the repetition is an advantage, and Phil specifically instructs him to fight anyone who teases him.
How does Phil react to Gary's breakup with Kristel in eleventh grade? He says, "She wasn't that pretty." Gary describes this as "obtuse" and contrasts it with his mother's more empathetic response. The comment is meant to console, but it lands as dismissive and shows Phil's limited emotional vocabulary.
What does Phil do when Gary's teacher Mrs. Rand humiliates him? He confronts her directly. The text states that "his father confronts Rand; they agree Gary will behave and Rand will send weekly notes." This intervention leads to Gary finishing the year with good grades.
What is Phil's job, and why is Gary embarrassed about it? Phil sells curtains for his uncles' interior decorating company. Gary admits this to no one, telling people he is a salesman or a carpenter, but never an interior decorator. The embarrassment stems from the perceived lack of masculinity associated with the job.

For further exploration of how Phil's parenting shapes Gary's lifelong struggles, see the themes of the lifelong reworking of childhood material, the pursuit of external validation and the shift to internal self-worth, and comedy as a coping mechanism and a calling. Phil's own misfit status connects to the experience of being a misfit and the embrace of that identity, while his gruffness may be a response to mental health struggles and recovery. For a broader look at the memoir's conclusion, see the ending explained and the questions and answers page.