Barbara Gulman in Misfit: Character Analysis

Overview of Barbara Gulman in Misfit {#overview}

Barbara Gulman is Gary's mother and the most consistent adult presence in Misfit. She appears in nearly every phase of the memoir, from Gary's kindergarten years through his recovery from depression in his forties. The memoir presents her as a working mother who supports Gary through school, drives him to basketball practices, celebrates his achievements, and eventually provides a home for him during his most difficult period. She is also a complex figure: her fear-based religious teachings leave Gary with lasting anxiety, and her social aspirations—what Gary calls her “deification of the rich”—become raw material for his early comedy.

Her role in the narrative is primarily that of a steady, practical presence. When Gary is in second grade, she takes a part-time job at Murray's in the Northshore Shopping Center, which allows Gary to spend afternoons there befriending mall employees. Later, she works at Sears and drives Gary to basketball practices throughout eighth and ninth grade. She is the one who notices the lump on Wally's neck that leads to Wally's Hodgkin's disease diagnosis. She celebrates Gary's straight A's in ninth grade with a dinner at El Torito's, a moment Gary describes as the last dinner that was just the two of them. In the memoir's present-day sections, she provides a home for Gary during his recovery from depression, and it is at her house that he walks his dogs to Willowbrae Park and begins to rebuild his life.

Motivations and Traits Shown Through Actions {#motivations-and-traits}

Barbara's actions reveal several consistent traits:

Practical support. Barbara works retail jobs—at Murray's, then at Sears—and drives Gary to practices and school events. She photographs him on the first day of tenth grade. She celebrates his academic achievements with a restaurant dinner.

A complicated religious worldview. Barbara tells Gary “G-d punished you” when he hurts himself while misbehaving. Gary describes this as “demented theology” that leaves him in a “compulsive and persistent state of contrition,” praying out loud throughout the day and being mocked by classmates for talking to himself. At Hebrew school, she looks at the playing children and hisses, “Look at the Jews… They're wild,” a moment that suggests a complicated relationship with her own Jewish identity.

Social aspiration. Barbara loves Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous and takes the family for rides through affluent neighborhoods, narrating like a tour guide: “To our right, another house we'd never be allowed in.”

Security-conscious but inconsistent. She insists on wedging a broomstick in the sliding glass door to thwart intruders but leaves a house key in the mailbox. Gary finds this incongruity amusing and uses it in his comedy.

Emotional understanding. After Gary's breakup with Kristel, Barbara is the only one who says she understands. She never dates again after her divorce, and Gary sees this as evidence that his own romantic fate will be similar.

Chronological Arc {#chronological-arc}

Barbara appears throughout the memoir, and her role shifts as Gary grows:

Kindergarten: She reads the “Welcome to our ool” sign to Gary, teaching him to appreciate wordplay.
First grade: Her friend Joanie helps prepare for the Passover seder.
Second grade: She takes the part-time job at Murray's and notices Wally's lump.
Third grade: She walks Gary into Hebrew school, explains his absence with a lie, and kisses him goodbye in front of the class.
Eighth and ninth grade: She works at Sears, drives Gary to basketball practices, and celebrates his straight A's with dinner at El Torito's.
Tenth grade: She photographs Gary on the first day of school.
Eleventh grade: She is the only one who understands the Kristel breakup.
Twelfth grade: In April 2018, she asks if Gary wants to keep his high school football jacket; he declines.
2017–2018: She provides a home for Gary during his recovery from depression and ECT treatments.

Relationships {#relationships}

With Gary. Gary describes himself as “Barbara Gulman's sidekick for fifteen years.” She is his constant companion through childhood—driving him to practices, celebrating his achievements, and later housing him during his recovery. The relationship is not without complications: her religious teachings contribute to his anxiety, and her social aspirations shape his early comedy material.

With Phil Gulman. The marriage ends in divorce, and Barbara never dates again. Gary notes this as a model for his own fears about romance.

With Joanie. A close friend who helps with the seder and locates Gary's lost library book. Joanie's joke about the fish fry makes Gary laugh the morning after the fish die.

Key Decisions and Consequences {#key-decisions-and-consequences}

Taking the part-time job at Murray's. This decision allows Gary to spend afternoons at the mall, where he befriends employees and stages a balloon heist. It also means Gary is present when his mother notices Wally's lump.

Not dating after the divorce. Barbara's decision to remain single after her divorce becomes a model for Gary's own fears about romance. After Kristel breaks up with him, he thinks, “I was sure that would be my fate as well.”

Her religious approach. Barbara's “G-d punished you” theology leaves Gary in a state of persistent guilt and fear. He describes praying out loud throughout the day, even at school, and being mocked for it.

Providing a home during recovery. In 2017, Gary moves back to his mother's house while recovering from depression. This decision provides him with a stable environment during his most difficult period.

Theme and Symbol Connections {#theme-and-symbol-connections}

Barbara connects to several of the memoir's central themes:

The lifelong reworking of childhood material. The epigraph from Fred Rogers frames the memoir's concern with how childhood experiences shape adult emotional life. Barbara's religious teachings, her social aspirations, and her practical support all become material Gary revisits throughout the memoir. See the theme of reworking childhood material.

External validation and internal self-worth. Barbara's “deification of the rich” and her love of Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous connect to the theme of seeking external validation. Gary's parody, Lifestyles of the Broke and Hopeless, directly engages with this material. See the theme of external validation and internal self-worth.

Comedy as a coping mechanism. Gary's early comedy routines are inspired by his mother's habits—the broomstick in the door, the fast-food napkin stash, the sliver of Dial soap fused to a bar of Ivory. His parody of her favorite show becomes one of his first recorded bits. See the theme of comedy as a coping mechanism.

Mental health and recovery. Barbara provides a home for Gary during his recovery from depression. The memoir's present-day sections show him rebuilding his life at her house. See the theme of mental health struggles and recovery.

Questions and Answers {#questions-and-answers}

1. What jobs does Barbara Gulman hold during the memoir?

Barbara works at Murray's in the Northshore Shopping Center when Gary is in second grade, and later at Sears, where she works while Gary is in eighth and ninth grade. The memoir also mentions that she worked at a Hallmark store in the 1970s and at a publishing company in the 1990s, based on the items Gary finds in her drawers.

2. How does Barbara's religious worldview affect Gary?

Barbara tells Gary “G-d punished you” when he hurts himself while misbehaving. Gary describes this as leaving him in a “compulsive and persistent state of contrition,” praying out loud throughout the day and being mocked by classmates for talking to himself.

3. What role does Barbara play in Gary's recovery from depression?

Barbara provides a home for Gary during his recovery. He walks his dogs to Willowbrae Park from her house, resolves his ECT bills while living there, and gradually returns to comedy. She also asks in April 2018 whether he wants to keep his high school football jacket, a small gesture of connection to his past.

4. How does Barbara respond to Gary's breakup with Kristel?

Barbara is the only one who says she understands. Gary notes that after her divorce, she never dated again, and he assumes his own fate will be similar.

5. What does Gary's parody of Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous reveal about his relationship with his mother?

Gary's parody, Lifestyles of the Broke and Hopeless, is directly inspired by his mother's love of the show and her “deification of the rich.” The routine comments on the family's poverty—the sliver of soap, the fast-food napkins, the hole in the car floor—while also drawing on his mother's specific habits, like the broomstick in the door. It shows how Barbara's tastes and behaviors became raw material for Gary's comedy.

For more on the memoir's broader themes and ending, see the ending explained and questions and answers.