Symbols Leave Me Behind K.M. Moronova

The Music Box: A Symbol of Memory and Mercy in Leave Me Behind

Introduction

In K.M. Moronova's dark romance Leave Me Behind, the silver music box appears twice, but its emotional weight echoes throughout the entire narrative. It is a concrete object that encapsulates memory, lost love, and mercy, bridging the past and the present for the protagonists Nell (Bunny) and Jenkins. This analysis explores the literal features of the music box, its recurrence, how its meaning shifts, its connections to characters and central themes, and offers four study questions to deepen understanding.

What Is the Music Box?

The music box is a silver, round container engraved with small rabbits ("Häschen"). Inside the lid is a hand‑engraved message: "Damit du an mich denkst, wenn ich fort bin. Gallows & Jenkins" ("So you'll remember me when I'm gone. Gallows & Jenkins"). When wound with a small key, it plays the lullaby "Davy Jones," a song that Jenkins had always loved because of its sorrowful tone. The object is small enough to be carried in a breast pocket, as Jenkins does until his death.

Where Does the Music Box Recur?

The music box appears in two distinct moments:

  • Kapitel 42 (Nell’s POV): After Nell mercy‑kills the dying Jenkins, she finds the music box in his left breast pocket. She winds it, hears the lullaby she had just hummed for him, and reads the engraving. She presses it to her heart. Bradshaw kneels beside her, offering comfort.
  • Kapitel 43 (Bradshaw’s POV, five years later): The music box sits on an old piano in the family cottage in Thornhill, Scotland. Bradshaw watches as Bunny (Nell) stares at it, knowing she misses Jenkins just as he misses his own lost friend Abrahm.

These two appearances frame the object as a tangible link between wartime suffering and postwar peace.

How Its Meaning Changes

At the moment of Jenkins’s death, the music box represents shared love and final mercy. Jenkins had kept it hidden, and it plays the same song Nell hums to comfort him. The engraving solidifies their bond: "Gallows & Jenkins" treats them as a pair. For Nell, it is a heartbreaking treasure that validates the intimacy of her act—killing the man she loves to spare him further pain.

In the epilogue, the music box transforms into a relic of survival. It sits in a domestic, peaceful setting, no longer a secret pocket token but a visible piece of furniture. Bunny does not wind it; she simply looks at it. The box now symbolizes not only the lost love of Jenkins but also the cost of the future she and Bradshaw built. It has become a memorial object that integrates trauma into everyday life—a symbol of healing without forgetting.

Character Connections

  • Jenkins: The box is physically his; he kept it against his chest, over his heart. It reveals a sentimental side that contradicts his violent role as a Dark Forces commander. The engraving shows he imagined a shared identity with Nell, suggesting deeper feelings than he openly expressed.
  • Nell (Bunny / Gallows): She inherits the box and keeps it for five years. The box ties her to her past as a Riøt soldier and her relationship with Jenkins. It also represents the mercy she granted him—a final act of love that haunts and comforts her.
  • Bradshaw: He witnesses Nell’s discovery and does not question her keeping the box. In the epilogue, he understands that the box represents the same kind of grief he feels for Abrahm. His silent support highlights the couple’s mutual acceptance of each other’s trauma.

Theme Connections

The music box weaves through several core themes of the novel:

  • Trust and Betrayal: Jenkins betrayed Nell’s trust by using her as a weapon, yet the box proves he also trusted her with his vulnerability. For a deeper look, see the trust and betrayal theme page.
  • Violence and Intimacy: The music box is discovered immediately after a violent mercy‑killing. The juxtaposition of the lullaby and the gunshot underscores how intimacy and violence coexist in their world. Explore more on the violence and intimacy page.
  • Trauma and PTSD: The object triggers memories of Jenkins’s death for Nell. Her decision to keep it, even in a peaceful cottage, illustrates how trauma survivors carry reminders of the past. Read about trauma and PTSD.
  • Sacrifice and Redemption: Nell’s mercy killing is a sacrifice of her own innocence. The music box becomes a emblem of that redemption—her willingness to take on the burden of memory. Visit the sacrifice and redemption page.
  • Identity and Masks: Jenkins and Nell both wear masks (literally and figuratively). The music box, engraved with their shared name, peels back the mask to reveal identity. The identity and masks theme page discusses this further.

For more context about the story, see the book's main page. Individual character analyses include Nell Gallows, Bradshaw Bones, and Jenkins.

Study Questions with Answers

  1. What does the engraving on the music box reveal about Jenkins’s feelings for Nell?
    The message "Damit du an mich denkst, wenn ich fort bin. Gallows & Jenkins" uses both their code names, suggesting he views them as a unit. It indicates that despite his cruel actions, he wanted to be remembered fondly and considered their bond significant enough to immortalize.

  2. Why does the music box play “Davy Jones,” and what is the significance of that lullaby?
    The lullaby is Jenkins’s favorite because it sounds sorrowful. In nautical lore, Davy Jones’s locker is the bottom of the sea, a burial place for sailors. Playing a lament at his death reinforces the themes of loss, the inevitability of death, and the melancholic peace of letting go.

  3. How does the music box’s meaning evolve between Kapitel 42 and the epilogue?
    In the war scene, the box is a fresh emblem of love and mercy—Nell’s final gift to Jenkins. By the epilogue, it has become a relic of the past, placed on a piano in a peaceful home. It now represents how trauma can be integrated into life without being forgotten, and it functions as a shared memorial for both Bunny and Bradshaw.

  4. In what way does the music box serve as a symbol of mercy rather than just memory?
    The box is physically linked to the mercy killing: Nell finds it after shooting Jenkins in the head to end his suffering. The lullaby she hums and that the box plays is the same, connecting the act to tenderness. The engraving asks for remembrance, implying that mercy is a loving gesture worth remembering. The box thus crystallizes the idea that killing can be an act of compassion.

Conclusion

The silver music box in Leave Me Behind is far more than a trinket. It is a narrative device that anchors the story’s deepest emotional beats: a love that transcends violence, a mercy that haunts, and a memory that neither fades nor destroys. Through its two appearances, readers witness a shift from battlefield intimacy to domestic peace, all while the box retains its core meaning—an enduring token of a lost love that shaped the survivors’ lives.