Leave Me Behind Chapter 20 Summary & Analysis
⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.
Summary
Three years before the novel’s present, Nell (known then as Gallows) is on a mission with her sergeant, Jenkins, and the rest of his squad, Riøt, at Black Bay—an unofficial black-market weapons dock south of Anchorage. Their targets are dark forces soldiers marked as traitors. As Jenkins gives the signal to close in, Nell struggles to focus; her mind keeps drifting to him, to their recent intimacy, and to the dreams he whispers about their future. Her momentary distraction causes her to step on a branch, alerting the enemies. Gunfire erupts. Jenkins shoves her down and takes a bullet to his shoulder. Nell quickly kills the two shooters, and a grenadier destroys the getaway boat.
After the firefight, Jenkins inspects the bodies and teaches Nell how to dispose of certain corpses—those with dangerous secrets must vanish completely. He cuts off a man’s face and throws the body into the dark tides, where something feeds on it. Nell asks whom she can trust. Jenkins replies, “No one but me, love,” yet later admits he is not sure he will ever fully trust her because she is “beautiful, but dangerous.” Back at base, they have sex in his tent. As Nell falls asleep with his head on her chest, she concludes that the two of them are made for each other, molded by darkness itself.
Key Events
- Nell and Jenkins lead Riøt to Black Bay to eliminate a group of dark forces traitors.
- Nell becomes distracted by thoughts of Jenkins and snaps a branch, alerting the enemy.
- Jenkins pushes Nell out of the way and is shot in the shoulder; Nell then kills the attackers.
- A grenadier destroys the escaping boat with a missile.
- Jenkins shows Nell how to make certain bodies “disappear,” cutting off a man’s face and tossing it into the water.
- Jenkins tells Nell that he has “snakes everywhere” and warns her to trust no one—except him.
- Jenkins admits he may never trust Nell because she is dangerous.
- The chapter ends with Nell and Jenkins having sex; Nell reflects that they are bound by darkness.
Character Development
This flashback reveals a younger, less experienced Nell. She is fiercely loyal to Jenkins and relies on him for guidance, but her emotional attachment nearly gets them killed. The mission teaches her a harsh lesson: even a second of distraction can have deadly consequences. Jenkins, though wounded, remains composed and pragmatic. He treats the bodies with cold professionalism, showing Nell the brutal reality of their work. His confession that he may never trust her adds a layer of complexity to their relationship—he is drawn to her yet wary of her power over him. Nell’s final thought—that they were “molded by darkness itself”—hints at how her past with Jenkins shaped the person she becomes.
Themes, Symbols, or Motifs
- Trust and Betrayal: The chapter revolves around Jenkins’s repeated warnings about trust. He has informants everywhere, trusts no one fully, and even expresses doubt about trusting Nell. Yet the bond between them is built on mutual reliance in combat.
- The Danger of Distraction: Nell’s lapse in focus nearly costs Jenkins his life. The narrative underscores that in their world, emotional entanglement is a vulnerability.
- Darkness and Transformation: Water imagery—the dark tides that consume a body—symbolizes the moral blackness of their work. Both Nell and Jenkins have been “molded by darkness,” suggesting that violence and secrecy have become part of their identities.
- Power and Submission: Jenkins holds authority as sergeant, but he also submits to Nell physically and emotionally. Their dynamic is one of push-and-pull, control and surrender.
Why This Chapter Matters
Chapter 20 provides the first extended flashback into Nell’s past, revealing her origin as a member of Riøt and her intimate relationship with Jenkins. It explains how she learned to navigate a world of murder and cover-ups. The mission at Black Bay also establishes the moral code (or lack thereof) that governs dark forces operatives: bodies that carry secrets are erased without a trace. Most importantly, the chapter plants the seeds of distrust that will echo in the present timeline. Jenkins’s warning to “trust no one” and his own inability to trust Nell foreshadow future conflicts. This is a turning point in the novel’s structure, allowing readers to see the person Nell was before the story’s main events.
Study Questions and Answers
1. Why does Nell snap the branch during the mission? Nell is distracted by her feelings for Jenkins. She finds herself focusing on his appearance and their intimate moments instead of her surroundings, which causes her to step on a branch and alert the enemy.
2. How does Jenkins handle the body disposal, and what does it reveal about his character? He personally cuts off a target’s face and discards the body into the water, where it is devoured. This shows his willingness to do the most gruesome work himself and his belief in leaving no evidence behind. It also reveals the coldness required to survive in their line of work.
3. What does Jenkins mean when he says he may never trust Nell? He recognizes that Nell is emotionally volatile and capable of dangerous impulses. Although he cares for her, he understands that trust is a liability in their world. His statement underscores the tension between their professional roles and their personal bond.