Faith and Uncertainty: Finding Trust in the Unknown

Thematic Claim: Faith as a Practice Amid Unresolved Questions

In It Was an Ugly Couch Anyway, Elizabeth Passarella contends that faith does not eliminate uncertainty but provides a framework for living with it. She argues that genuine faith — religious and relational — is exercised precisely when answers are unavailable and control is impossible. The memoir repeatedly shows that accepting uncertainty is not passive resignation but an active, everyday choice.

Tracing the Theme Across Key Plot Threads

Michael’s Health Crises and the Limits of Medical Certainty

The most sustained exploration of uncertainty arrives with Michael’s series of mysterious medical episodes. Beginning with rhabdomyolysis in 2014 and escalating through vasovagal syncope episodes, the Passarellas encounter doctors who can only offer partial explanations. During one Father’s Day cab ride, Michael faints in front of the children, and Elizabeth screams at the driver to go to Mount Sinai. The hospital later discovers that Michael’s heart stopped for twenty-seven seconds — a flat line that no one can fully explain. As the electrophysiologist shrugs and says, “We don’t really know,” Elizabeth mouths the word God. This moment crystallizes the theme: when science runs out of answers, she falls back on a faith that has no diagram to offer.

Elizabeth admits her own struggle: she would rather control everything than rely on faith as a last resort. Yet she learns that “we don’t get certainty, even in science.” The looping medical tests, the absence of a trigger, the mysterious restart of Michael’s heart — all force her to practice trust without guarantees.

The Stalled Apartment Deal and the Ugly Couch

Parallel to the health crises runs the two‑year attempt to buy a larger apartment in the same building. The deal is complicated by a widow named Lois, whose husband’s hoarding fills the unit with clutter and odd memorabilia. Elizabeth fixates on the outcome, hoping to secure a new home before the market shifts. Her desire for control is tangible. When she considers getting a tattoo of her Central Park running route as a talisman, Michael advises waiting — a small act of faith in the process rather than in superstition.

The ugly couch itself becomes a symbol of emotional attachment to the past. Elizabeth keeps the fabric after disposing of the frame, unable to let go of her late father’s presence. The stalled deal and the couch both represent a refusal to release certainty about the future and the past. In the epilogue, she finally meets Lois, who takes only a ceramic camel — a reminder that some things are beyond our planning.

Elizabeth’s Own Health Scare: The Benign Lump

Elizabeth’s minor health uncertainty — a lump in her abdomen — mirrors Michael’s major crises but on a smaller scale. After an inconclusive ultrasound, she visits a surgeon and jokingly asks if the lump could contain hair or teeth. The surgeon assures her it is fatty tissue, but the lingering doubt stays with her. She ends the chapter with a reflection on faith: “I’ve learned how to go on living our life by faith …” The lump becomes a tangible reminder that even benign unknowns require trust.

Character and Symbol Connections

• Elizabeth Passarella – The narrator whose faith is tested. She is a person of deep religious belief who still struggles to act on that conviction before exhausting every logical option. Her journey is from demanding certainty (from doctors, from the apartment deal) to accepting mystery.
• Michael Passarella – The calm in the storm. He faces his health crises with less anxiety, partly because he cannot control them. His attitude becomes a model for Elizabeth: he texts her after each morning drop‑off, creating small rituals of reassurance.
• Lois – The widow whose behavior seems inexplicable but ultimately teaches Elizabeth about letting go. Lois arrives at the closing with empty totes and declines nearly everything except a ceramic camel — a stark example of holding only what matters.
• Symbols:
  • The Central Park running route tattoo: A desire to mark a fixed point in a life of flux. Elizabeth wants it as a talisman, showing her craving for control.
  • The ugly couch fabric: Emotional attachment to the past that must be physically cut away to move forward.
  • Lois’s missing passport and photo ID: Hidden layers of a life that Elizabeth cannot fully know, reinforcing the theme of incomplete knowledge.
  • The ceramic camel: A single object kept out of love, representing the possibility of keeping what you can carry.

Complexity and Contradiction

Elizabeth does not present faith as a tidy solution. She openly admits that she still tries to control everything first. She badgers doctors for rational answers. She resists the idea that “it’s not fatal” might be enough. At one point, she calls Dr. Varghese “bananas” for his calm acceptance of the data. The memoir is honest about the gap between belief and behavior: she knows she should trust God, but she wants an illustrated diagram instead.

Furthermore, faith coexists with practical preparation. Elizabeth takes comfort in knowing Michael finalized his life insurance. She learns CPR. She keeps the phone numbers of his coworkers. Faith does not mean passivity; it means acting while acknowledging that outcomes are beyond her control. This tension — between trust and action — gives the theme its texture.

Study Questions and Answers

1. How does Elizabeth define faith in the face of medical uncertainty?
   Elizabeth defines faith not as certainty but as the ability to live without complete knowledge. She references John Green’s line about viral meningitis having no meaning, and she concludes that insight can be gained — but often more painfully. Her faith is a practice of accepting mystery, as when she mouths “God” after the doctor admits he does not know what started Michael’s heart.

2. What role does prayer play in the Passarellas’ response to crisis?
   Prayer is a reflexive response for Elizabeth, though she sometimes treats it as a last resort. In the epilogue, she does not describe dramatic prayers but rather a gradual shift toward gratitude: she appreciates every day Michael wakes up. Prayer becomes a way of handing over control rather than demanding answers.

3. Why does Elizabeth resist the teaching that she cannot save herself?
   Elizabeth is a capable, type‑A personality. The Christian doctrine that she cannot fix her own brokenness feels “irritating” because she prides herself on competence. In chapter 9, she compares herself to her son James, who botched the “lost child” instructions — she too stays lost because she refuses to admit she cannot find her own way.

4. How does the apartment sale crisis parallel Michael’s health crisis?
   Both involve waiting, lack of control, and the eventual lesson that outcomes are not determined by effort alone. The apartment deal is stalled by Lois’s hoarding and market conditions; Michael’s health is stalled by an untraceable condition. In each case, Elizabeth must release her need to orchestrate the result.

5. What does the ceramic camel in Lois’s apartment symbolize for the theme of faith?
   The ceramic camel, the only object Lois takes, symbolizes the idea of keeping what is essential and trusting that the rest can be left behind. For Elizabeth, it represents a model of faith: you cannot carry everything, but you can hold on to what truly matters and let the unknowns fall away.