Chapter 7: With My Sincerest Apologies to the Late Nora Ephron and Basically Every Female Writer I Admire

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.

Summary

The chapter begins with Elizabeth Passarella apologizing to Nora Ephron and other admired female writers for using Ephron’s essay about aging necks as a springboard—but then quickly pivots to a less glamorous bodily indignity: urinary incontinence. Passarella explains how pregnancy and childbirth weaken pelvic muscles, causing women to leak urine when sneezing, jumping, or laughing. She recounts a birthday party where women openly commiserate about wetting their pants while jumping to “Jump Around.” Refusing to let incontinence stop her, Passarella turns to running during the pandemic. She traces her lifelong hatred of exercise, including a failed track career and a half-marathon she ran only to please her sister. Her father was an avid runner who always hoped she would join him, but she rarely did. During COVID-19 lockdowns, with five people stuck in a two-bedroom apartment, she begins running alone around Central Park’s reservoir to escape her family and release pent-up rage. Listening to worship music, she finds spiritual renewal and a newfound appreciation for solitude. She reflects on missing the chance to run with her father before Parkinson’s slowed him. The chapter concludes with Passarella embracing her imperfect, aging body—leaking pee, tears, and swear words—and the joy of returning home to her waiting family.

Key Events

Passarella critiques the cliché of female essayists riffing on Nora Ephron’s “neck” woes, suggesting instead we talk about less palatable aging realities.
At a fortieth birthday party, multiple women admit to peeing their pants while jumping to House of Pain’s “Jump Around.”
Passarella describes her lifelong aversion to exercise, including a high school soccer injury that knocked her kneecap out of place and a track preseason where she cheated by running to a friend’s house for popcorn.
She recalls her father’s enthusiasm for running and his repeated invitations for her to join him in a 5K Turkey Trot, which she always refused.
During the first months of the COVID-19 pandemic, with her family confined to their two-bedroom apartment, Passarella begins running daily around the Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis Reservoir to get alone time and release anger before dinner.
She insists on running alone, turning down offers from friends, and even directs her husband to run a separate route.
Passarella listens to worship music (Amy Grant, Twila Paris, megachurch playlists) and experiences a spiritual connection, recalling Luke 5:16 about Jesus withdrawing to lonely places.
She notes the absence of tourists in Central Park during lockdown and the sense of community among remaining residents who clapped for health-care workers.
Passarella imagines how her father would have loved running in New York City and regrets never sharing that activity with him.
She concludes that her forties have brought unexpected gifts, including the discipline of running, and that her leaky body reminds her of her humanity.

Character Development

Elizabeth Passarella undergoes a significant shift: from a lifelong exercise-avoider to a regular runner who craves the solitude it provides. She also moves from frustration with aging to acceptance, finding meaning in bodily imperfection.
Elizabeth’s father appears posthumously through memory; his love of running and gentle encouragement shape her eventual embrace of the sport, even though she never ran with him.
The other women in the story (Stephanie, the partygoers) function as a chorus, normalizing the shared indignities of middle-aged bodies and reinforcing that these experiences are universal, not shameful.

Themes, Symbols, and Motifs

Aging bodies and imperfection: Incontinence becomes a symbol of the physical toll of motherhood and the passage of time. Passarella rejects the narrow focus on necks, arguing that women’s real stories include less glamorous but equally honest struggles.
Solitude as necessity: Running becomes a sacred escape from the demands of family. The motif of Jesus withdrawing to lonely places elevates this need from self-indulgence to spiritual practice.
Legacy and missed opportunities: The father’s unfulfilled wish to run with his daughter haunts the narrative, but Passarella reframes it as a bittersweet inheritance—she now runs thinking of him.
Community in crisis: During the pandemic, strangers in the park become a makeshift community, clapping for health-care workers and offering silent solidarity.
Water and leakage: Urine, tears, and swear words all “leak” out, symbolizing the uncontrollable release of emotion and physical function that comes with vulnerability.

Why This Chapter Matters

This chapter marks a turning point in the memoir: the author discovers a form of exercise that serves not just physical health but emotional and spiritual survival. It deepens the book’s exploration of midlife motherhood by confronting a taboo topic (incontinence) with humor and honesty. The reflection on her father humanizes her earlier ambivalence about running and gives the chapter an elegiac weight. It also demonstrates how pandemic constraints can lead to unexpected personal growth. Finally, the chapter ties together several threads—family, faith, body image, and New York City—in a cohesive, moving whole.

Study Questions and Answers

1. How does Passarella use Nora Ephron’s essay as a foil for her own discussion of aging? Passarella opens by acknowledging Ephron’s iconic essay about necks, but then critiques the tendency for women writers to focus on superficial aging concerns. By pivoting to urinary incontinence—a less discussed but equally common issue—she argues for more honest, less palatable narratives about what it means to grow older, especially after childbirth.

2. Why does the author insist on running alone, and what does she discover about solitude during the pandemic? She insists on running alone because it is her only chance to be away from her family during lockdown. This solitude becomes sacred; she listens to worship music and prays, drawing a parallel to Jesus withdrawing to lonely places. She realizes that extroverts can also crave alone time and that running provides mental and spiritual renewal.

3. What role does the author’s father play in her eventual embrace of running? Her father was an avid runner who always hoped she would join him, but she resisted. After his death, she runs thinking of him, regretting missed opportunities but also honoring his legacy. The act of running becomes a way to connect with his memory, especially as she navigates the same New York City landscapes he would have loved.