Chapter 14: Lord, Make Me a Spleen - Summary and Analysis
⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.
Summary
Chapter 14, "Lord, Make Me a Spleen," opens with Elizabeth Passarella acknowledging the familiar parental dance of denying a child's illness—whether it is a cold, Covid, or lice. She recalls two major lice outbreaks in her household. The first involved expensive professional removal services, costing hundreds of dollars, and she ended up treating her children herself while paying for a professional to check her own head. The second outbreak occurred the night before a family trip to a mountain vacation home with four other families. A lice-removal technician came to the house, treated the children until past midnight, and the author paid nearly $800. The next morning, unable to get an appointment at a salon, she called her friend Patricia, who offered to comb through her hair herself. Patricia sat with her for two hours, using a lice comb and her sister-in-law’s remote expertise. The family made the trip, and the other mothers took preventive measures with tea tree oil; no one else caught lice.
This experience triggers a memory of a Trivial Pursuit game years earlier, when the author and her then-boyfriend Michael played against their friend Vivek. The winning question was about Hillary Clinton's 1995 book It Takes a Village. Vivek answered correctly and ran victory laps shouting the phrase. That proverb, along with 1 Corinthians 12 about the body of Christ, frames the chapter’s deeper reflection. Passarella admits she spent years trying to live independently, avoiding community and rejecting offers of help. She was forced to confront this resistance after having children. She reluctantly joined a moms' group and stayed for nearly a decade, discovering that serving others—especially through cooking meals for new mothers—was easier than sitting and talking with them. Her love language is acts of service, not quality time.
She contrasts her own struggle with her mother, who in her late seventies has become a model of community. Her mother cooks extra casseroles for friends, grocery shops for homebound neighbors, and even splits the cost of a gate in a shared fence to visit a new neighbor. The chapter concludes with the author recognizing that learning to need and be needed is a mercy that dissolves bitterness. The lice outbreak forced her to accept help, and she urges readers to sit still and let others be the hands of Jesus, a blessing to both giver and receiver.
Key Events
- First lice outbreak: The author pays for professional removal for herself after doing her two children at home, spending over $400.
- Second lice outbreak: The night before a trip to North Carolina, a technician combs through her children’s hair until past midnight, costing nearly $800.
- Patricia’s help: After failing to get a salon appointment, the author’s friend Patricia spends two hours combing through her hair using a lice comb and phone advice from her sister-in-law.
- Trip to the mountains: The family travels with four other families; the other mothers use tea tree oil as a preventive, and no one else gets lice.
- Trivial Pursuit memory: The author recalls a game where friend Vivek correctly answered the title of Hillary Clinton’s book It Takes a Village and celebrated loudly.
- Moms’ group experience: After Julia’s birth, the author reluctantly joins a moms' group, stays for almost ten years, and provides meals for new mothers.
- Observations of her mother: In her late seventies, the author’s mother actively practices community by cooking for homebound friends, accepting invitations, and installing a gate to visit a neighbor.
Character Development
Elizabeth Passarella undergoes a gradual shift from self-sufficient independence to reluctant interdependence. She admits she tried to live as "an independent little pancreas or elbow," avoiding commitments and vulnerability. The lice crisis forces her to ask for help from Patricia, and she realizes she cannot amputate herself from the needs of others. Her experience in the moms' group—especially the act of bringing meals—teaches her that serving can coexist with emotional closeness, even though she finds quality time difficult. By the chapter’s end, she expresses hope that she will continue to "get better at" needing and being needed, following her mother’s example.
Patricia appears as an exemplar of practical friendship. Without being asked, she offers to perform a labor-intensive, intimate task (lice removal) simply because she has the skills and wants to help. Her calm attitude—“I actually find it sort of satisfying”—turns a stressful situation into a gift.
The author’s mother serves as a foil and a model. Earlier in life she kept people at arm’s length, but in her seventies she fully embraces community: she cooks for friends, shops for them, and accepts their hospitality. Her willingness to split the cost of a gate to visit a neighbor illustrates a concrete commitment to connection.
Themes, Symbols, or Motifs
Community and interdependence: The central theme is that humans are not designed to live alone. The lice outbreak literalizes the need for help: the author cannot treat her own head and must rely on Patricia. The 1 Corinthians 12 passage emphasizes that every part of the body is essential, including the "weaker" and "less honorable" ones.
The body of Christ: The author uses the biblical metaphor to argue that Christians are called to be interconnected, sharing each other’s suffering and joy. She extends this to non-Christians, noting that even Hillary Clinton’s book title taps into the same truth.
Vulnerability and humility: Seeking help requires swallowing pride. The author admits she is "the absolute worst" at laying down her self-sufficiency. The lice incident forces her to sit still and let another person see a normally hidden part of her life (the scalp and its tiny eggs).
Hospitality and service: The author’s love language is acts of service, and she enjoys cooking meals. Yet she learns that true community also requires presence—sitting down to talk, not just dropping off food. Her mother excels at both giving and receiving hospitality.
Bitterness vs. connection: Passarella argues that distance leads to comparison and judgment, whereas "communing" dissolves bitterness. Being in each other’s uncomfortable lives reminds her that even the most polished people have struggles.
Why This Chapter Matters
This chapter serves as a pivot in the memoir’s exploration of community. While earlier chapters touched on friendships and marriage, "Lord, Make Me a Spleen" directly confronts the author’s deep resistance to relying on others. The concrete, embarrassing example of lice—a problem that cannot be fixed alone—makes the abstract lesson tangible. The chapter also connects the personal to the scriptural, grounding the author’s growth in 1 Corinthians 12. By ending with her mother’s graceful example, Passarella offers a hopeful vision of how openness to neediness can increase with age. Readers see that community is not about perfection but about showing up with a lice comb and a willingness to be used.
Study Questions and Answers
1. Why does the author draw a parallel between lice outbreaks and Covid-19 denial?
Passarella compares the "is-it-a-cold-or-is-it-Covid" song and dance to her earlier denial about lice. In both situations, she prefers unlikely explanations (allergies, strep, laundry detergent reaction) over the obvious, stressful truth. The parallel highlights a pattern of avoidance when facing a problem that requires expensive treatment, social stigma, or major disruption to daily life.
2. How does the Trivial Pursuit game with Vivek connect to the chapter’s main theme?
Vivek’s correct answer—It Takes a Village—leads him to run around the house shouting the phrase. The author admits she hated losing, but the memory sticks with her. Later, as a parent, she recognizes the truth of the proverb and the biblical body-of-Christ imagery. The game serves as a humorous, vivid anchor for the chapter’s argument that human beings need one another, whether they like it or not.
3. What does the author learn from her mother’s approach to community in old age?
The author’s mother once kept people at arm’s length, mirroring the author’s own tendencies. In her late seventies, however, the mother not only gives help (cooking, shopping) but also receives it freely—accepting invitations to eat takeout, splitting the cost of a gate to shorten a walk to a new friend’s house. This growth shows the author that openness to both giving and receiving is possible and rewarding, and it inspires her to work on her own resistance.