Between Two Worlds: Cultural Identity and Belonging in Hani and Ishu's Guide to Fake Dating

The Thematic Claim: Identity as a Negotiated Space, Not a Fixed Home

In Hani and Ishu's Guide to Fake Dating, Adiba Jaigirdar presents cultural identity not as a single, stable belonging but as a constant negotiation between heritage and host society. The novel’s central claim is that for second-generation Bengali Muslims growing up in predominantly white Irish spaces, belonging is never automatic—it must be actively constructed, hidden, or reclaimed. Hani and Ishu each navigate this “between worlds” condition differently, and their fake dating scheme becomes an unlikely laboratory for testing what they are willing to reveal, hide, or reinvent about themselves. Through their journey, the book argues that true belonging requires not assimilation but the courage to bring one’s whole self—including the parts that do not fit neatly into either culture—into the open.

The Pressure of Being “Between Worlds”

From the opening chapters, Hani experiences the friction of living between two cultures. Her white Irish friends, Aisling and Dee, constantly push against the boundaries her Bengali Muslim upbringing imposes. When they invite her to sleep over, Hani must decline because she needs to pray Maghrib, and she reflects that her friends become uncomfortable whenever she mentions prayer, so she keeps that part of her life “wrapped up and hidden away in my own home” (chapter 2). This hiding is not a choice but a survival tactic: revealing her religious practice would widen the gap between her and her friends, so she compartmentalizes her identity.

The novel also uses names as a marker of this in-betweenness. Hani reflects that being called “Maira” by Aisling feels like “stepping out of a skin that belongs to me but doesn’t quite fit” (chapter 5). Her family calls her Hani, her passport says Humaira, and her friends call her Maira—each name represents a different audience and a different expectation. This fragmentation of identity is central to the theme: Hani is not one person but a series of performances tailored to different social worlds.

Ishu, meanwhile, experiences the same pressure from a different angle. She is acutely aware that her Bengali identity makes her visible in ways she does not want. When she and Hani are forced together by their friends, Ishu thinks, “To most white people, just having brown skin is going to mean we’re one and the same” (chapter 16). She resists being lumped together with Hani because she fears that their shared culture will erase her individuality—her academic ambition, her reserved personality, her own religious difference (she is not Muslim). For Ishu, belonging to the white Irish world means distancing herself from the very markers that connect her to Hani.

The Fake Dating Scheme as a Negotiation of Identity

The fake dating scheme, codified in the Google Doc titled “Hani and Ishu’s Guide to Fake Dating,” becomes a tool for both girls to manipulate how others perceive them. When they invent a backstory, they choose to say they started dating “after hanging out together at Bengali dawats” (chapter 9). This detail is telling: they use a cultural practice—the Bengali dawat—as a cover story because they know their white friends will not understand it, and that confusion will prevent further questions. The dawat becomes a shield, a way to explain their sudden closeness without revealing the truth.

But the scheme also forces them to confront how their cultural identity is read by others. Ishu, who initially rejects the idea of being seen as “the same” as Hani, must now perform a relationship that is rooted in their shared Bengali heritage. The Google Doc itself becomes a symbol of the constructed nature of identity—a document where they write down their lies, but also, inadvertently, their hopes and fears. As the story progresses, the doc evolves from a list of rules to a record of their genuine feelings, mirroring the way their fake relationship becomes real.

The scheme also highlights the pressure to conform to parental expectations, which are themselves tied to cultural identity. Ishu’s parents have sacrificed to give their daughters a better life in Ireland, and they expect Ishu to succeed academically as a way of honoring that sacrifice. When her sister Nik announces she is leaving university, Ishu overhears her parents worrying that Nik’s failure might be contagious (chapter 4). Ishu’s drive to become Head Girl is not just personal ambition; it is a way to prove she belongs to the “right path” her parents have laid out. Her cultural identity is thus entangled with academic achievement, and she must navigate the tension between her own desires and her family’s expectations.

Moments of Belonging and Exclusion Within Their Own Community

The novel does not present the Bengali Muslim community as a simple refuge. Ishu, who is not Muslim, feels out of place at the mosque barbecue in chapter 49. She whispers to Hani that everyone else is Muslim and that she does not know how to respond to the greeting “salam.” Hani reassures her, but the moment underscores that belonging is not automatic even within a shared cultural space. Ishu’s discomfort is a reminder that identity is intersectional—her Bengali heritage does not automatically grant her entry into a Muslim community.

For Hani, however, the mosque barbecue becomes a site of unexpected connection. She meets Aisha, the daughter of Salim Uncle, and learns that Aisha’s brother is gay. Aisha reveals that her father has “really come around to a lot of stuff” since Leo Varadkar became Taoiseach, and that her brother is still figuring out being Muslim and gay. This conversation gives Hani a sense of hope: she is not alone as a queer Muslim. The mosque, which she initially saw as a place of obligation, becomes a place where she can be both Muslim and bisexual without hiding. This moment complicates the theme by showing that belonging can be found within one’s heritage community, even if it requires patience and courage.

The holud that Ishu and Hani plan for Nik’s wedding in chapter 51 is another powerful moment of cultural reclamation. Nik initially says she is skipping the holud because the wedding is small, but Ishu and Hani insist on planning one. They decorate the sitting room, prepare turmeric paste, mehndi, a playlist, and biryani. Ishu wears a yellow-and-green lahenga, and Hani wears a red kameez with green accents. This celebration is not just a party; it is an assertion of cultural identity in a space that is not the family’s home country. By recreating a traditional Bengali ritual in London, they claim their heritage as their own, even as they adapt it to their circumstances. Ishu wishes her parents could have attended, but Hani encourages her to focus on celebrating. The holud becomes a symbol of the possibility of belonging—not by choosing one world over another, but by bringing the traditions of one world into the other.

Symbols and Character Connections

The novel uses several symbols to deepen the theme of cultural identity. The Google Doc represents the constructed, performative nature of identity—the lies we tell to fit in, but also the truths we eventually reveal. The biryani and other Bengali foods appear repeatedly as markers of cultural connection and comfort. When Hani and Ishu cook biryani together in chapter 3, it is a moment of tentative bonding; when they plan the holud, biryani is central to the celebration. Food becomes a way to bridge the gap between their two worlds. The mosque symbolizes both exclusion and belonging, as seen in Ishu’s discomfort and Hani’s connection with Aisha. The rain that appears throughout the novel often accompanies emotional turning points, suggesting that identity is not a dry, fixed thing but something that can be washed away and reshaped.

Character connections reinforce the theme. Hani’s relationship with her mother, Amma, shows that even within a family, identity is negotiated. Amma admits that she and Abba needed time to process Hani’s bisexuality, but they did so privately so Hani would not worry (chapter 5). This reveals that cultural and familial expectations are not monolithic—they can evolve. Ishu’s sister Nik represents a different kind of rebellion: she leaves university to follow love, defying her parents’ expectations. Nik’s choice forces Ishu to confront her own assumptions about what it means to be a “good” Bengali daughter. Aisling and Dee, meanwhile, embody the white Irish world that often fails to understand Hani’s cultural and religious commitments, but they also show the possibility of growth, as they eventually accept Ishu and Hani’s relationship.

Complexity and Contradiction

The theme is not presented as a simple binary between assimilation and preservation. Hani initially wants to be accepted by her white friends, even at the cost of hiding her religious practice. But she also finds joy in her Bengali community, especially when she meets Aisha. Ishu, who initially rejects her Bengali identity in favor of academic success, later embraces it through the holud. The novel suggests that identity is not a fixed destination but a continuous process of negotiation.

There is also a contradiction at the heart of the fake dating scheme: the girls use their cultural background as a cover for a lie, but that lie leads to genuine connection and self-discovery. The Google Doc, which was meant to keep their deception organized, becomes a record of their real feelings. This suggests that even our most calculated performances can reveal deeper truths about who we are.

Study Questions and Answers

1. How does Hani’s relationship with her name (Maira, Humaira, Hani) reflect her experience of being between two cultures?

Hani’s multiple names represent the different audiences she must perform for. “Maira” is the name her white friends gave her, and it feels like a skin that does not fit. “Humaira” is her formal name, used by people who are not family or Bengali. “Hani” is the name her family uses and feels most like herself. This fragmentation shows that her identity is not singular but is shaped by the expectations of different social groups.

1. Why does Ishu initially resist being seen as “the same” as Hani, and how does this change over the course of the novel?

Ishu resists because she fears that their shared Bengali identity will erase her individuality, especially her academic ambition and her non-Muslim identity. She wants to be seen as her own person, not as a stereotype. Over time, as she and Hani grow closer, she learns that embracing her cultural heritage does not mean losing herself; it can actually be a source of strength and connection, as seen in the holud planning.

1. What role does the mosque play in the novel’s exploration of belonging?

The mosque is initially a place of obligation for Hani, but it becomes a site of unexpected connection when she meets Aisha and learns about Aisha’s gay brother. For Ishu, the mosque is a place where she feels out of place because she is not Muslim. The mosque thus represents both the potential for community and the barriers that exist within it, highlighting the complexity of belonging.

1. How does the fake dating scheme function as a metaphor for the negotiation of cultural identity?

The scheme requires Hani and Ishu to construct a narrative about their relationship, using cultural markers like dawats as a cover. This mirrors the way they must construct their identities to fit into different social worlds. The Google Doc, which starts as a list of rules, becomes a record of their genuine feelings, suggesting that even constructed identities can lead to authentic self-discovery.

1. In what ways does the novel suggest that belonging is not about choosing one culture over another, but about integrating them?

The holud that Ishu and Hani plan for Nik’s wedding is a key example. They bring a traditional Bengali ritual into a London apartment, adapting it to their circumstances. This act of cultural reclamation shows that belonging can be created by blending elements of both worlds. Similarly, Hani’s conversation with Aisha at the mosque shows that she can be both Muslim and bisexual, suggesting that identity is not a zero-sum game.