Bisexual Erasure and the Need for Proof in Hani and Ishu's Guide to Fake Dating
Defining the Thematic Claim: Bisexuality as a Performance That Must Be Proven to Be Believed in Hani and Ishu's Guide to Fake Dating
(1,200–1,800 words)
In Hani and Ishu's Guide to Fake Dating, Adiba Jaigirdar explores the theme of bisexual erasure and the need for proof through the central character of Hani Khan. The novel's specific thematic claim is that bisexual identity is routinely dismissed unless it is visibly, even performatively, proven, and that this pressure to prove one's identity can drive a person into self-protective deception. Hani's bisexuality is not accepted as a fact by her closest friends; instead, it is treated as a phase, a confusion, or a bid for attention. To be believed, she must produce evidence—a girlfriend, a relationship, a visible performance of queerness. This demand for proof does not validate her identity; it commodifies it, forcing her to construct a false narrative that ultimately becomes the foundation for a real connection. The novel traces this theme across multiple plot points, from the initial dismissal of Hani's identity to the creation of the fake dating guide, the escalation of the lie, and finally, the possibility of acceptance without proof.
The Demand for Proof: The Catalyst in Chapter Five
The theme is introduced in Chapter Five, when Hani's friends, Aisling and Dee, dismiss her bisexuality during a conversation after a cinema outing. When Hani explains that she is not interested in dating boys right now, Aisling immediately assumes she is a lesbian, and Dee suggests she is simply confused. The conversation escalates when Aisling asks, “Have you even kissed a girl?” and, upon hearing Hani's negative answer, concludes, “Then how can you say you're bisexual?” This moment crystallizes the novel's central conflict: Hani's identity is not accepted as a self-evident truth but is contingent on external, physical proof. Aisling's logic is reductive—she equates sexual identity with sexual experience, implying that Hani cannot know her own orientation without a checklist of encounters. Dee, though more sympathetic, reinforces this by saying, “It just sounds like you're confused and you don't even know what or who you want,” and even adds that she has kissed a girl and knows she is not gay, implying that Hani's lack of experience makes her claim less valid.
The pressure of this interrogation leads Hani to a desperate, impulsive lie: she claims she is “actually seeing someone” and names Ishita Dey as her girlfriend. This lie is not a malicious act but a survival mechanism. Hani is cornered by her friends' demand for proof, and she fabricates evidence to satisfy them. The novel makes clear that this is not a choice made lightly; Hani is “a little bit mad” and feels the weight of the moment. The lie is born directly from the erasure of her identity, and it sets the entire plot in motion. This scene establishes the thematic claim that biphobia is not always overt hostility but can manifest as a relentless demand for validation, which forces bisexual individuals to perform their identity for others' consumption.
The Construction of Proof: The Google Doc as a Symbol of Manufactured Evidence
The theme deepens in Chapter Nine, when Hani and Ishu formalize their fake relationship by creating a shared Google Doc titled “Hani and Ishu's Guide to Fake Dating.” This document is a literal, tangible manifestation of the need for proof. Hani explains, “If we write down our lies, then we won't get caught,” and the document becomes a script for their performance. They meticulously craft a backstory—that they started dating after hanging out at Bengali dawats—and establish rules, including that they cannot tell anyone the truth. The Google Doc is not just a plot device; it is a symbol of the manufactured evidence that Hani must create to be believed. It represents the labor of proving her bisexuality, reducing her identity to a set of bullet points and timelines that can be verified by others.
The document also highlights the contradiction at the heart of the theme: Hani is forced to lie about her identity to be accepted, yet the lie is built on a foundation of truth—she is bisexual, and she is, in fact, developing real feelings for Ishu. The guide is a tool of deception, but it also becomes a space where Hani and Ishu negotiate their relationship, revealing their vulnerabilities. Ishu, who is not out to her parents, is initially reluctant to participate, and the document forces her to confront the implications of pretending to be in a queer relationship. The guide, therefore, is a double-edged sword: it provides the proof Hani's friends demand, but it also entangles both girls in a web of lies that threatens to unravel. The symbol of the Google Doc is central to the theme because it shows that the need for proof is not just a social pressure but a structural one—Hani must create a paper trail, a verifiable history, to legitimize her identity.
The Escalation of Erasure: Aisling's Dismissal and the Cheating Accusation in Chapter Thirty-Six
The theme reaches its peak in Chapter Thirty-Six, when Aisling's biphobia becomes explicit and damaging. After Hani confronts Aisling about the accusation that Ishu cheated on a biology test, Aisling reveals her true beliefs. She tells Hani, “You're going to end up with one or the other at the end of the day,” and dismisses Hani's bisexuality as “your way of seeming interesting or whatever.” Aisling's language is telling: she frames Hani's identity as a performance for attention, not a genuine orientation. She also says, “I figured you're still making up your mind,” reinforcing the idea that bisexuality is a transitional state, not a stable identity. This conversation is a direct escalation of the erasure in Chapter Five; Aisling is not just questioning Hani's experience but actively denying her identity's validity.
The cheating accusation is a crucial plot point because it shows how the need for proof extends beyond Hani's sexuality to her character. Aisling's lie about Ishu is a form of social proof—she is trying to prove that Ishu is untrustworthy, and by extension, that Hani's relationship with Ishu is a mistake. Hani is caught between her loyalty to Aisling, her best friend of years, and her growing feelings for Ishu. The accusation forces Hani to choose, and her eventual decision to defend Ishu is a turning point. However, the scene also reveals the emotional toll of the theme: Hani is exhausted by the constant need to justify her identity and her choices. She tells Aisling, “That doesn't mean my sexuality changes,” but Aisling's response is to roll her eyes, dismissing Hani's words as irrelevant. This moment underscores the novel's claim that biphobia is not a one-time event but a persistent, corrosive force that wears down a person's sense of self.
The Alternative Model: Acceptance Without Proof in Chapter Forty-Nine
The theme is complicated and ultimately resolved in Chapter Forty-Nine, when Hani and Ishu attend a barbecue at their local mosque. Here, Hani meets Aisha, the daughter of Salim Uncle, who reveals that her brother is gay. Aisha's acceptance of her brother is presented as a model of unconditional support: she says, “He's still figuring things out, being Muslim and gay,” but she does not demand proof of his identity. When Hani tells Aisha she is bisexual, Aisha responds with genuine interest, not skepticism. She asks how long Hani and Ishu have been together, and when Ishu explains the timeline of their fake dating, Aisha remarks, “It sounds like a movie,” with delight rather than judgment.
This scene is a direct contrast to the earlier interactions with Aisling and Dee. Aisha does not ask Hani if she has kissed a girl or demand evidence of her queerness. She accepts Hani's identity as a fact, and she celebrates it. The setting is also significant: the mosque, a space that Hani initially fears will be unwelcoming, becomes a site of acceptance. Aisha's brother's existence within the Muslim community challenges the assumption that queerness and faith are incompatible, and Aisha's openness provides Hani with a new model of community. This moment suggests that the need for proof is not universal; it is a product of specific social contexts, and it can be overcome by empathy and open-mindedness. The scene also allows Hani to be honest about her relationship with Ishu, admitting that their fake dating led to real feelings, without fear of dismissal. This is the thematic counterpoint to the novel's earlier scenes: acceptance is possible when people are willing to listen without demanding proof.
Character and Symbol Connections: The Interplay of Identity and Evidence
The theme of bisexual erasure is deeply connected to the novel's characters and symbols. Hani is the primary victim of this erasure, and her journey is defined by her struggle to be believed. Ishu, though not bisexual, is drawn into the conflict as Hani's fake girlfriend, and her own struggles with coming out to her parents highlight the broader pressures of queer identity. Aisling and Dee represent the biphobic attitudes that demand proof, while Aisha and Hani's parents represent the possibility of acceptance. The Google Doc is the central symbol of manufactured proof, but other symbols also reinforce the theme. The rain, which appears in Chapter Three when Ishu lets Nik into the house, can be read as a symbol of emotional release and the washing away of pretense. The biryani, a recurring food, represents community and connection, but it also serves as a backdrop for the fake dating narrative, as Hani and Ishu use Bengali dawats as the setting for their invented backstory. The mosque, as seen in Chapter Forty-Nine, is a symbol of faith and community, and it becomes a space where Hani can be her authentic self without needing to prove her identity.
Complexity and Contradiction: The Lie That Becomes Truth
The novel does not present the need for proof as a simple villain; it complicates the theme by showing how Hani's lie, born from erasure, paradoxically leads to genuine connection. The fake relationship is a performance, but it creates real intimacy. Hani and Ishu's shared secret forces them to spend time together, and their initial discomfort evolves into friendship and then love. The Google Doc, which was created to codify a lie, becomes a record of their growing feelings. This contradiction is central to the novel's message: the pressure to prove one's identity can lead to deception, but that deception can also create spaces for authenticity. However, the novel also shows the cost of this deception. Ishu's sister Nik discovers the guide, leading to a crisis of trust, and Hani's friendship with Aisling is irreparably damaged. The theme is not resolved by the lie but by the truth that emerges from it. Hani's real relationship with Ishu is the ultimate proof of her bisexuality, but it is proof that she no longer needs to offer. By the end of the novel, Hani has found a community that accepts her without evidence, and she can finally stop performing.
Study Questions and Answers
1. How does Aisling's question, “Have you even kissed a girl?” in Chapter Five function as a form of bisexual erasure?
Aisling's question equates sexual identity with sexual experience, implying that Hani cannot claim to be bisexual without having kissed a girl. This logic erases the validity of self-knowledge and reduces identity to a checklist of actions. It forces Hani to prove her orientation through physical evidence, which is the core of the theme.
2. What role does the Google Doc play in the theme of needing proof?
The Google Doc is a literal, manufactured proof of Hani and Ishu's fake relationship. It codifies their lies into a verifiable narrative, complete with a timeline and rules. It symbolizes the labor Hani must undertake to be believed, but it also becomes a space where her real feelings for Ishu develop, complicating the distinction between performance and truth.
3. How does Aisling's dismissal of Hani's bisexuality in Chapter Thirty-Six differ from her reaction in Chapter Five?
In Chapter Five, Aisling questions Hani's experience, asking if she has kissed a girl. In Chapter Thirty-Six, Aisling actively denies Hani's identity, calling it “your way of seeming interesting” and insisting Hani will “end up with one or the other.” This escalation shows that erasure is not static; it becomes more explicit and damaging over time, moving from doubt to outright denial.
4. How does Aisha's acceptance of Hani in Chapter Forty-Nine offer a counterpoint to the theme?
Aisha accepts Hani's bisexuality without demanding proof. She does not question Hani's experience or dismiss her identity; instead, she celebrates it. Aisha's openness, rooted in her acceptance of her gay brother, provides a model of community that does not require evidence, contrasting sharply with Aisling and Dee's skepticism.
5. In what ways does the novel suggest that the need for proof can lead to both deception and authenticity?
The need for proof drives Hani to create a fake relationship, which is a deception. However, this deception creates the conditions for genuine intimacy with Ishu, leading to real love. The novel suggests that while the pressure to prove one's identity is harmful, it can inadvertently create spaces for authentic connection, as the lie becomes a vehicle for truth.