Themes Congratulations, the Best is Over! R. Eric Thomas

Community and Friendship in R. Eric Thomas’s Congratulations, the Best is Over!

Thematic Claim

R. Eric Thomas’s Congratulations, the Best is Over! argues that adult friendship is both excruciatingly difficult and absolutely essential. The memoir charts Thomas’s move from Philadelphia back to his hometown of Baltimore, where he must build a social world from scratch. The process is riddled with embarrassment, rejection, and self-doubt, yet Thomas insists that community is the soil in which joy and hope can grow. The book’s central tension—between the desire for connection and the fear of vulnerability—shapes his journey from isolated husband to a man surrounded by a chosen family.

Tracing the Theme Across the Plot

1. The Dislocation of Moving Home

In the early essay “This Is Wudder,” Thomas describes the chaos of moving day in 2017. A scam moving company leaves him and his husband David sleeping on sand‑covered sheets. Beyond the logistical disaster, the return to Baltimore forces Thomas to confront painful memories: dropping out of college, coming out, and feeling like a failure. The city itself feels like a “collective trauma” (the Colts’ secret departure). At this point, Thomas has no local friends and little hope of making them. His past haunts every street corner, and he jokes about fleeing again. The thematic claim begins as a void: without community, the city remains an enemy.

2. Embarrassing Attempts at Connection

In “Another Person in the Room” and “Break Room Cake Communion,” Thomas catalogs his humiliating attempts to make adult friends. He joins Bumble BFF at his therapist Brian’s suggestion. His profile—“Allow me to introduce myself, I’m another person in the room”—is too needy. He joins a co-working space expecting a “adult Chuck E. Cheese” but finds only silent professionals. He tries to strike up conversations with strangers who reply, “I don’t know who you are.” These episodes are funny but painful. Thomas identifies with Rhoda from The Mary Tyler Moore Show: the anxious friend who uses humor as a shield. The embarrassment is twofold—both the awkwardness of the ask and the sting of rejection. Yet he persists, because the alternative (isolation) is worse.

3. The Slow Build: Tony and Dan, and the Shared Dream

The breakthrough comes when Thomas and David meet Tony and Dan, another interracial gay couple. Thomas initially frames them as “nemeses” in a rivalry, but David gently steers them toward friendship. The couple’s beautiful rowhome triggers longing: Thomas sees the warmth and community he used to have in Philadelphia. They exchange bottles of wine, comment on grout, and even join a CrossFit gym. Tony and Dan’s house becomes a symbol of what’s possible—a space for gatherings, laughter, and a full life. When the pandemic hits, Thomas and David buy a house near Mark and Evan (friends of Tony and Dan), chasing that shared dream.

The deer in the title essay “Congratulations, the Best is Over!” appears during a night walk near their new suburban home. Thomas jokes with the deer about transformation, but the moment is serious: the deer represents readiness for change. Community has literally driven him to a new place. By the end of the book, in “It’s Called Hope,” Thomas finds himself at a communal beach dinner in Provincetown, feeling renewed commitment to presence. The arc is complete: from isolated newcomer to a man who belongs.

Complexity and Contradiction

Thomas does not sugarcoat friendship. He admits to jealousy, rivalry, and the constant fear of being an outsider. Even as he cherishes Tony and Dan, he envies their house and their easy social circle. The pandemic threatens to unravel everything, yet it also forces him to re‑evaluate what matters. The move to the suburbs—a place he once swore he’d never live—is both a retreat and an expansion. The group of friends he builds is not a perfect sitcom fantasy; it’s a messy, awkward, real community. Thomas’s humor exposes the absurdity of adult friendship even as he insists on its necessity. He knows that connection requires vulnerability, and vulnerability is embarrassing, but life is embarrassing anyway.

Symbol Connections

The deer in the title essay functions as a messenger of transformation. When Thomas asks if it has a message for him, the deer replies, “You’re not even supposed to be here!” That line captures his own disbelief at finding himself in the suburbs—and perhaps his disbelief at finding community. The house itself is a recurring symbol: first the shared dream from Thomas’s childhood (marching around a foundation like Joshua), then the apartment filled with glitter and promise, and finally the farmhouse with floor‑to‑ceiling windows for gatherings. The house embodies the hope of hospitality. Other symbols from the book—the pond‑amphibian gay bar, the “You Rock” balloon, the slate path—are less directly tied to friendship, but the house and the deer anchor the theme of community.

Study Questions and Answers

  1. Why does Thomas compare himself to Rhoda from The Mary Tyler Moore Show?
    Thomas sees Rhoda as an anxious person who uses humor as both a shield and a bridge. Rhoda is often the confidante and the comic relief—roles that Thomas embodies when he feels like “another person in the room.” The comparison underscores his need to be accepted despite his neuroses.

  2. How does the move to the suburbs both support and contradict Thomas’s desire for community?
    The suburbs offer proximity to friends like Mark and Evan, and the house becomes a space for gatherings. But Thomas also fears the isolation of quiet, wooded streets and the absence of spontaneous run‑ins. The move is a compromise: he trades urban proximity for a shared dream of hospitality.

  3. What role does embarrassment play in adult friendship, according to Thomas?
    Embarrassment is unavoidable. Thomas details the agony of composing texts, the rejection from Bumble BFF, and the silent co‑working space. He suggests that embarrassment is the price of vulnerability, and that accepting it is the only way to build real bonds.

  4. How does Thomas’s relationship with Tony and Dan evolve from rivalry to genuine friendship?
    Initially Thomas wants to see them as rivals to fuel his own ambition. But David reframes the connection as a potential friendship. Over dinners, wine swaps, and shared workouts, the rivalry dissolves. By the end, Tony and Dan’s house inspires Thomas to pursue his own version of a welcoming home.

  5. What does the deer symbolize in the essay “Congratulations, the Best is Over!”?
    The deer is a messenger of transformation, borrowed from prestige television. Thomas’s playful refusal to accept the message (“Do you have a message for me?”) masks his real readiness for change. The deer’s line “You’re not even supposed to be here” echoes his own surprise at finding a new community in the suburbs.