Characters Congratulations, the Best is Over! R. Eric Thomas

Tony and Dan: The Rival Couple Who Became Friends

Overview

Tony and Dan are an interracial gay couple who become central figures in R. Eric Thomas's memoir Congratulations, the Best is Over! (2023). Dan is a pastor in the same presbytery as David, Eric’s husband, while Tony is described as "incredibly fit and well adjusted." The couple initially serves as a foil for Eric and David—similar in composition (Black man/white man, gay, religion-adjacent) but more established and seemingly more successful. Over the course of the narrative, Tony and Dan transition from being framed as "nemeses" to becoming close friends, ultimately influencing Eric’s decisions about home and belonging.

Plot Role

Tony and Dan first appear in Chapter 11, "Another Person in the Room," after Eric and David move to the Remington neighborhood of Baltimore. David informs Eric about another interracial gay couple in their circle, and Eric immediately declares, "let’s make them our nemeses!" This playful rivalry propels the friendship forward. They host dinners, exchange wine, and share activities like CrossFit. Their large, beautiful brick rowhome becomes a symbol of stability and warmth, provoking Eric’s envy and eventually his reconsideration of homeownership. In Chapter 12, Tony and Dan introduce Eric and David to Mark and Evan, another couple whose house purchase inspires Eric to look at suburban homes during the pandemic. Thus, Tony and Dan serve as catalysts for the memoir’s central arc of transformation and the search for a place to call home.

Motivations and Traits Shown Through Actions

Tony and Dan are portrayed as welcoming and hospitable. They invite Eric and David over for dinner, comment on grout, and host "extraordinarily welcoming parties with great food." Their actions demonstrate a desire to build community—they integrate Eric and David into their social world, even sharing their CrossFit gym. Tony’s physical fitness and Dan’s pastoral role suggest discipline and a commitment to service. The book presents them as "well adjusted," contrasting with Eric’s self-described anxiety and awkwardness. Their motivation appears to be genuine connection rather than rivalry; they respond to Eric’s competitive framing with warmth, never engaging in the one-upmanship Eric imagines.

Chronological Arc

  • First year in Remington (around 2018): Eric and David meet Tony and Dan through David’s presbytery. Eric immediately casts them as rivals.
  • Subsequent months: They begin hanging out—dinners, wine exchanges, and admiring the bathroom remodel. Tony invites Eric to CrossFit, and Eric actually attends.
  • Tony and Dan buy a large house: Eric becomes obsessed with their house, describing it as "an act of war." David suggests buying a house near them, but Eric dismisses homeownership as "white nonsense."
  • Christmas 2019: They host a party at Eric and David’s apartment; Tony and Dan attend, along with Mark and Evan (met through Tony and Dan). Eric feels hopeful about his blooming life.
  • Pandemic, spring 2020: Eric learns via Facebook that Mark and Evan bought a house. This leads to Eric and David eventually purchasing a suburban home—a decision influenced by the desire for a space like Tony and Dan’s.
  • Later summers (implied): The friendship continues, though Tony and Dan do not appear in later chapters directly. Their impact lingers in Eric’s embrace of home and community.

Relationships

With Eric and David

Eric initially treats Tony and Dan as rivals, a defense mechanism against his own insecurity about adult friendship. Yet he quickly admits that "the world was robbed of the true extent of my achievements" because David insisted on making friends instead of enemies. The relationship deepens through shared activities: dinners, CrossFit, and parties. Eric admires their house and the life they’ve built, which stirs a longing for the familiar—the house of his childhood. Tony and Dan become a mirror for the life Eric wants: a stable, happy home filled with gatherings.

With Mark and Evan

Tony and Dan serve as a bridge to other friendships. Mark and Evan are friends of Tony and Dan, and through them Eric and David expand their social circle. This web of connections reinforces the theme of community.

With the Broader Community

The couple is well-integrated into Baltimore’s social scene, hosting parties that include Eric and David alongside "many other equally welcoming friends." They represent the possibility of building a chosen family in a new city.

Key Decisions and Consequences

  • Inviting Eric and David into their home: This decision opens the door for genuine friendship. Eric’s initial rivalry dissolves as he experiences their hospitality.
  • Buying a large house: This purchase triggers Eric’s envy and commentary, leading David to suggest buying a house themselves. Although Eric initially refuses, the seed is planted. When Mark and Evan (through Tony and Dan) also buy a house, Eric reconsiders. The consequence is Eric and David’s eventual suburban house purchase, which becomes a central symbol of transformation.
  • Introducing Eric to CrossFit: By including Eric in their fitness routine, they facilitate his participation in a new community activity, something he had struggled with.

Theme and Symbol Connections

Home and Belonging

Tony and Dan’s house is a recurring symbol. It reminds Eric of his childhood home, evoking "the abundance of physical space" as a "beautiful symbol" in a world that tells you "you deserve so little." Their home represents the possibility of reclaiming Baltimore as a place of belonging, not just failure. Their example helps Eric move from dismissing homeownership as "white nonsense" to eventually embracing it.

Community and Friendship

The couple embodies the adult friendship Eric desperately seeks. Their willingness to include Eric and David—despite Eric’s awkwardness—shows that friendship can be built through proximity and shared activities. The relationship mirrors Eric’s own marriage and provides a model for connection without competition.

Identity and Self-Discovery

Eric projects his insecurities onto Tony and Dan, framing them as rivals to avoid vulnerability. As the friendship develops, Eric learns that identity is not defined by comparison. Tony and Dan’s success does not diminish Eric’s; instead, it opens a path for his own growth.

Hope and Resilience

Tony and Dan’s presence in Eric’s life during a period of transition (moving back to Baltimore, grappling with past failures) offers hope that new beginnings are possible. Their continued friendship reinforces the theme that "this life, too, is one of constant beginnings."

Questions and Answers

1. Why does Eric initially want to make Tony and Dan his nemeses rather than friends?
Eric frames them as rivals because they seem too similar to him and David on paper, and he is out of practice at making adult friends. He says, "I had nothing against these strangers… I just skipped a step from casual acquaintance and went straight to rivals." This defensive humor shields his insecurity.

2. How does Tony and Dan’s house affect Eric’s view of homeownership?
Eric is deeply impressed by their three-story brick rowhome, which reminds him of his childhood home. He talks about it so much that David suggests buying a house. Eric initially refuses, calling homeownership "white nonsense," but later, during the pandemic, he reconsiders after seeing that other friends (met through Tony and Dan) have bought houses. The house becomes a symbol of the stability and community he longs for.

3. What role do Tony and Dan play in expanding Eric’s social circle?
They introduce Eric and David to Mark and Evan, another couple. Through Tony and Dan, Eric meets "many other equally welcoming friends." Their parties include a wide network, helping Eric feel less isolated in Baltimore.

4. How does the friendship between Eric and Tony/Dan demonstrate the theme of adult friendship?
The friendship develops through small, consistent efforts: dinners, exchanging wine, commenting on grout, and attending CrossFit together. Eric notes that "adult friendship—trading a bottle of Beaujolais back and forth and commenting on grout." This shows that adult friendship requires intentional, low-stakes interactions over time.

5. In what ways do Tony and Dan challenge Eric’s assumptions about success and belonging?
Eric initially believes that house and stability are out of reach for him—that they require "white nonsense" or belong to a life he cannot have. Tony and Dan, as a similar interracial gay couple, demonstrate that such a life is possible. Their success does not make them rivals; instead, it invites Eric to imagine a future where he, too, can feel at home in Baltimore.