Chapter 9 Summary: 1974

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.

Summary

The chapter opens in 1974 with the narrator visibly pregnant and unmarried. She scavenges maternity dresses at thrift stores while her body changes, and she navigates the stares and unsolicited advice of strangers with polite nods. Her ringless finger marks her as unmarried, and she deliberately stays away from anyone who knows Zack, the baby's father.

A friend who faced a similar situation but made a different choice offers support, calling the narrator brave and kneading her aching back. This friend serves as her emergency contact. Another friend gives her a Baby's First Year book with a card featuring a stork on the front—a small gesture of hope amid an uncertain situation.

On the baby's due date, the narrator gives birth to a boy. The baby has Zack's jawline and her eyes. He opens his mouth, waiting to be fed, but the narrator does not get to feed him. Instead, she passes him from nurse to attorney to caseworker to a new mother, signing the adoption papers alone.

Three days later, her milk comes in. She applies warm compresses to her breasts, describing the experience as a death without a funeral.

The narrator reflects on her circumstances: she is a twenty-year-old orphan working as a nanny while attending community college. Each day of nanny work reminds her she is unprepared to be a mother. She tells herself she couldn't have provided for a child when she can barely provide for herself. But she can't convince herself it was right. She considers that she could have kept the child or had an abortion—legalized just a few months earlier—but she couldn't do that when it came down to it. She frames the situation as a choice between impossibilities, where survival calculations become more urgent than rightness.

Life returns to its previous routine. Zack is gone with his bell-bottoms and G majors. The narrator drinks Dr Pepper, listens to Joni Mitchell, works and studies in a cycle. She can afford little beyond rent and rice. At night she falls onto her secondhand mattress, startled awake by alarms and bills.

Sometimes she still feels the baby kick—a phantom child, a ghost without a death.

Key Events

The narrator, pregnant and unmarried, buys maternity dresses at thrift stores and avoids people who know Zack
A friend who made a different choice in a similar situation serves as her emergency contact
Another friend gives her a Baby's First Year book
She gives birth to a boy on his due date; the baby has Zack's jawline and her eyes
She signs adoption papers alone, passing the baby through a nurse, attorney, caseworker, and to a new mother
Her milk comes in three days later; she describes it as a death without a funeral
She reflects on her impossible choices: keeping the child, abortion (recently legalized), or relinquishment
Life returns to routine: Dr Pepper, Joni Mitchell, work, study, rent, rice
She experiences phantom kicks from the baby

Character Development

The narrator undergoes a profound transformation in this chapter. She moves from a pregnant woman navigating public scrutiny to a mother who relinquishes her child, and finally to a young woman living with the aftermath of that decision. Her internal conflict is evident: she tells herself she couldn't have provided for a child, but she can't convince herself the decision was right. This tension between survival and rightness defines her character.

Her identity as a twenty-year-old orphan is significant—she has no family support system to fall back on. Her work as a nanny is painfully ironic: she cares for other people's children while having given away her own. The chapter shows her as someone who makes a choice between impossibilities and then must live with the consequences, including the physical aftermath of childbirth and the phantom sensation of the baby's kicks.

Themes, Symbols, or Motifs

Adoption and relinquishment: The chapter centers on the narrator's decision to give up her son, a choice she makes alone. The chain of hands—nurse, attorney, caseworker, new mother—emphasizes the institutional nature of the process.

Impossible choices: The narrator frames her situation as a choice between impossible and impossible and impossible. She couldn't keep the child, couldn't have an abortion, and couldn't avoid the pregnancy. Survival calculations become more urgent than rightness.

Grief without a funeral: The narrator describes her milk coming in as a death without a funeral. The physical aftermath of childbirth—her body responding to a baby she will never feed—becomes a form of mourning without ritual.

Phantom child: The narrator feels phantom kicks from the baby, describing him as a ghost without a death. This motif captures the ongoing presence of absence.

Poverty and precarity: The narrator's financial situation—rent and rice, secondhand mattress, too-soon bills—contextualizes her decision. She can barely provide for herself, let alone a child.

Life continuing after loss: The chapter emphasizes that life has the gall to go back to how it was before. The routine of Dr Pepper, Joni Mitchell, work, and study continues despite the narrator's loss.

Failed contraception: The narrator mentions the failed latex between two bodies, pointing to the role of contraception failure in her situation.

Absent father: Zack is gone with his bell-bottoms and G majors, leaving the narrator to face the pregnancy, birth, and relinquishment alone.

Why This Chapter Matters

This chapter is the emotional core of the novel. It dramatizes the central loss that shapes the narrator's life—the relinquishment of her son—and does so with visceral detail: the baby's jawline and eyes, the milk coming in, the phantom kicks. The chapter also establishes the narrator's defining framework for understanding her choices: survival over rightness, and the impossibility of certain decisions.

The chapter's title, 1974, anchors the story in a specific historical moment. Abortion had recently been legalized, making the narrator's choice a genuinely three-way decision. The chapter also introduces the motif of the phantom child, which may resonate throughout the rest of the novel.

Study Questions and Answers

1. Why does the narrator describe her experience as a death without a funeral?

The narrator uses this phrase to capture the grief of relinquishing her son without any of the rituals that normally accompany loss. There is no ceremony, no mourning period, no acknowledgment of what she has lost. The physical aftermath—her milk coming in three days later—is a bodily reminder of the child she will never feed. The phrase also connects to the phantom child motif at the end of the chapter: the baby is a ghost without a death, present in her body and mind but absent from her life.

2. How does the narrator's financial situation shape her decision?

The narrator is a twenty-year-old orphan working as a nanny while attending community college. She can afford little beyond rent and rice. Each day of nanny work reminds her she is unprepared to be a mother. Her poverty makes keeping the child seem impossible, and her orphan status means she has no family support. The chapter frames her decision as a survival calculation: she can barely provide for herself, so how could she provide for a child? Yet the narrator herself questions whether this reasoning makes the decision right.

3. What does the narrator mean when she says survival calculations become more urgent than rightness?

The narrator is describing the moral framework she uses to justify her decision. She couldn't keep the child because she couldn't provide for him. She couldn't have an abortion when it came down to it. So she chose relinquishment—not because it was right, but because it was the only survivable option. The phrase captures the way that people in impossible situations must prioritize survival over moral certainty. The narrator's inability to convince herself the decision was right suggests that survival and rightness remain in tension for her.