Chapter 44: Up & Leave — Summary, Analysis, and Key Takeaways
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Summary
Chapter 44, “Up & Leave,” follows Moth as she executes a deliberate, almost ceremonial departure from her home. The chapter opens with her emptying the refrigerator—deli meat, milk, and yogurt—into the neighbors’ trash bin. She spares only the dull party food that the ancestors ate from, which she buries deep in the ground with a few coins under a tree in the woods behind the house. This act, she notes, is her subtle way of begging for a miracle.
She then sweeps the house, strips the sheets, washes them, and folds them “into clouds” (a metaphor for leaving the space pristine and ready to be closed). She draws the drapes, signaling that the household is shutting down. Moth considers leaving a note for Aunt Jack, just in case she returns early, but she decides against it because Aunt Jack didn’t bother to say goodbye to her—and, Moth reflects, she hardly remembered to say hello. So she leaves no note.
She gathers and rebottles the pills that Sani had spilled earlier, locks the front door, and does not look back. The chapter notes that steps in new directions are the hardest to take, and Moth wonders whether Sani is the moon or just a dumb lightbulb—uncertain of his true nature.
Outside, Sani waits in his Wrangler with a full tank of gas. He looks like “salvation & sin,” having reassembled himself in the few days since the summer storm. He has a shock of lipstick in the center of his right cheek, a fading bruise framing his eye, and an overloved teddy bear strapped in the backseat next to his guitar, whose crack is now hidden with duct tape.
Moth carries her name (Moth) and a gym bag stuffed with some of Aunt Jack’s clothes because her own are all old. She also carries a small flannel bag filled with crushed ginger root and wormwood, which she ties to the rearview mirror beside the bag of cedar that Sani’s father gave him. When Sani asks what it’s for, she says it’s to keep them safe—cars make her nervous. He nods and says he likes it; it smells like Christmas. He calls it “wormwood & ginger root. Adventure & protection,” and when she asks how he knew, he says he knows things, pulling away and squinting into the sunrise.
Moth places his pills on the dashboard like an offering. Sani brakes the car, pulls over, and takes one blue-and-white oval without water before merging back into traffic. Moth licks her thumb and wipes the red shock of lipstick from Sani’s cheek, but she notes she doesn’t know how to wipe away a bruise. She leans back in her seat, thinking it’s strange when no one cares if you up and leave.
Key Events
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Moth empties the refrigerator into the neighbors’ trash bin, keeping only the ancestors’ party food.
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She buries the party food with coins under a tree in the woods as an offering.
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She sweeps the house, strips and washes the sheets, and draws the drapes.
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She decides not to leave a note for Aunt Jack because of Aunt Jack’s neglect.
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She gathers and rebottles Sani’s spilled pills, locks the front door, and doesn’t look back.
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Sani waits in his Wrangler with a full tank, a lipstick mark, a bruise, a teddy bear, and a duct-taped guitar.
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Moth brings a gym bag of Aunt Jack’s clothes and a flannel bag of ginger root and wormwood, which she ties to the rearview mirror beside Sani’s cedar bag.
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Sani takes one of his pills without water.
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Moth wipes the lipstick from Sani’s cheek and reflects on how no one cares that she’s leaving.
Character Development
Moth takes a decisive step toward independence. Her departure ritual shows she is methodical and intentional, even as she grapples with feelings of abandonment. She cares for Sani by rebottling his pills and tying a protective charm to the mirror, yet she also acknowledges her own vulnerability—she’s nervous about cars and unsure whether Sani is trustworthy. Her decision not to leave a note for Aunt Jack marks a shift from seeking approval to accepting the reality of neglect.
Sani appears transformed from his earlier state. He has “reassembled” himself, ready to travel from Virginia to the Navajo Nation. The lipstick mark and bruise hint at recent conflict or a relationship, but he’s moving forward. He takes his pill without water, showing a matter-of-fact acceptance of his medication. His comment that he “knows things” suggests a deeper intuition or connection to Moth.
Aunt Jack is absent but her neglect is central. Moth’s reflection that Aunt Jack rarely said hello or goodbye justifies her decision to leave without a note, reinforcing the theme of family neglect.
Sani’s father is present only through the cedar bag he gave Sani. This object becomes part of the protective talismans in the car, linking Sani to his heritage and family, even as he leaves.
Themes, Symbols, or Motifs
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Departure ritual: Moth’s actions—emptying the fridge, burying food, sweeping, drawing drapes—form a deliberate ceremony to close one chapter and begin another. The ritual gives her agency and a sense of control.
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Ancestral offering: Burying the party food with coins under a tree is an offering to the ancestors, a plea for a miracle. This connects to the novel’s broader themes of heritage and spiritual connection.
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Protection talismans: The flannel bag of ginger root and wormwood, tied to the rearview mirror, is a protective charm. Sani’s cedar bag from his father serves a similar purpose. These objects symbolize safety and the blending of different traditions.
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Abandonment and family neglect: Moth’s decision not to leave a note, and her final thought about no one caring, highlight the emotional void left by Aunt Jack’s indifference.
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Journey and new beginnings: The full tank of gas, the packed car, and the sunrise all point to a fresh start. The chapter marks the literal and metaphorical departure from the past.
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Letting go: Moth lets go of her old clothes (replaced by Aunt Jack’s), her home, and her expectations of being missed. She also lets go of the need to look back.
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Healing: Sani’s reassembled state and his willingness to take his pills suggest a step toward healing, even as he carries visible bruises. Moth’s protective actions also reflect a desire to heal and be healed.
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Mementos: The teddy bear, the duct-taped guitar, and the gym bag of Aunt Jack’s clothes are objects that carry memory and meaning, serving as touchstones for the journey ahead.
Why This Chapter Matters
This chapter is a pivotal turning point in the novel. It marks the moment Moth and Sani physically leave their old lives behind, setting the stage for the journey that will define the rest of the story. The departure ritual underscores Moth’s need for closure and her resilience in the face of neglect. The chapter also deepens the bond between Moth and Sani, as they share protective charms and small acts of care. The final line—about no one caring if you leave—captures the emotional weight of Moth’s situation and motivates her search for belonging. This chapter transitions the narrative from a static, home-bound setting to a dynamic, road-based adventure, making it essential for understanding the characters’ growth and the themes of identity, heritage, and healing.
Study Questions and Answers
1. Why does Moth decide not to leave a note for Aunt Jack?
Moth considers leaving a note in case Aunt Jack returns early, but she remembers that Aunt Jack didn’t bother to say goodbye to her—and rarely even said hello. This realization makes Moth feel that a note would be pointless, so she leaves without one. The decision reflects her acceptance of Aunt Jack’s neglect and her own need to move on.
2. What is the significance of the flannel bag Moth ties to the rearview mirror?
The flannel bag contains crushed ginger root and wormwood, which Moth says is to keep them safe because cars make her nervous. It is a protective talisman, similar to the cedar bag Sani’s father gave him. The bag symbolizes Moth’s desire for safety and her connection to natural or ancestral remedies. It also shows her care for Sani, as she places it beside his own charm.
3. How does the chapter portray Sani’s state of mind and readiness for the journey?
Sani appears “reassembled” after the summer storm, with a full tank of gas and his belongings packed. He has a lipstick mark and a bruise, but he’s ready to travel. He takes his pill without water, showing a practical acceptance of his medication. His comment that he “knows things” suggests a calm, intuitive confidence. Overall, he seems prepared to leave, though the bruise hints at unresolved conflict.
Continue Reading
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