Chapter 38 Summary: Sani's Morning Text

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.

Summary

Chapter 38 unfolds entirely through text messages, beginning with Sani reaching out to apologize for the previous night. He explains that he didn't expect the narrator to see him in that state and admits he has issues. He reveals that his stepfather is religious and thinks he is evil, though he cuts himself off before elaborating. Sani also shares that he has given up smoking, crediting the narrator for the push. He apologizes for no one attending the party and for the narrator's aunt leaving, expressing regret with repeated apologies.

The narrator considers sending a poetic text about seeing Sani through a window surrounded by glass that fractured like glitter, and about being led by the moon to his doorstep. Instead, they send a practical question: what is the tattoo above his wrist, and where is he applying? Sani replies that the tattoo is five finger grass, which he has had forever, and that he is no longer applying anywhere. The narrator explains the Hoodoo meaning of five finger grass—it tempts others to do your bidding—and reveals they have deleted their Juilliard application.

Sani responds that dreams change and compliments the narrator's plant knowledge, comparing them to a medicine man. The narrator says their grandfather taught them and insists that dreams don't change; people just pretend they don't want them anymore. Sani then sends a poetic text offering to do anything the narrator wants, referencing a “Summer Song” and saying all the clocks are against them. The narrator questions this, noting that Sani hardly knows them. Sani replies that he feels the narrator's name buried in his bones. The narrator calls this dramatic, suggests five finger grass might be at play, and encourages Sani to try out for Juilliard. Sani's final message admits that finding his voice is harder than giving up smoking.

Key Events

• Sani sends a series of apologies for the previous night, his stepfather's beliefs, and the party.

• Sani reveals he has quit smoking.

• The narrator considers a poetic text about the moon and glass but sends a practical question instead.

• Sani identifies his tattoo as five finger grass and says he's not applying to schools.

• The narrator explains the Hoodoo meaning and reveals they deleted their Juilliard application.

• Sani says dreams change and praises the narrator's plant knowledge.

• The narrator counters that dreams don't change, only pretending.

• Sani offers to do anything for the narrator, expressing a deep connection.

• The narrator challenges his dramatic claim and suggests Juilliard.

• Sani admits finding his voice is harder than quitting smoking.

Character Development

Sani shows significant vulnerability in this chapter. He apologizes repeatedly, admits to having issues, and reveals the painful relationship with his stepfather, who condemns him as evil. His decision to quit smoking marks a concrete step toward recovery, and he credits the narrator for that change. Sani also expresses a deep emotional connection, claiming he feels the narrator's name in his bones, which suggests a growing intimacy. His final admission—that finding his voice is harder than quitting smoking—reveals his ongoing struggle with self-expression and identity.

The Narrator demonstrates restraint and practicality. They consider sending a vulnerable, poetic text about the moon and glass but instead ask a straightforward question about Sani's tattoo and applications. This choice hints at their tendency to guard emotions. The narrator also reveals their own dream—Juilliard—and the painful act of deleting the application, showing they are grappling with their own aspirations. Their knowledge of Hoodoo, passed down from their grandfather, adds depth to their character and connects to themes of magic and fate. By encouraging Sani to try out for Juilliard, they show care and hope for him, even while they themselves have given up on their own dream.

Themes, Symbols, or Motifs

• Apology and Vulnerability: Sani's repeated apologies and admissions of his flaws create a tone of raw honesty, breaking down emotional walls.

• Addiction Recovery: Sani's decision to quit smoking symbolizes a desire for change and self-improvement, though he later admits that finding his voice is harder.

• Dreams vs. Denial: The narrator insists dreams don't change, only pretending, while Sani claims they do. This tension highlights the conflict between holding onto aspirations and letting them go.

• Hoodoo Magic and Fate: Five finger grass, with its power to tempt others, introduces a magical element. The narrator's mention of it after Sani's offer suggests a playful or mystical explanation for his devotion, tying to themes of fate and connection.

• Moon as Guide: The narrator's unsent text about the moon leading them to Sani's doorstep implies a cosmic or destined pull, even though they don't send it.

• Tattoo as Identity: Sani's tattoo of five finger grass serves as a marker of his identity and connection to the Hoodoo tradition.

• Texting as Communication: The entire chapter is composed of texts, highlighting how digital communication can both bridge and complicate emotional expression.

Why This Chapter Matters

This chapter deepens the relationship between Sani and the narrator by moving from surface-level interaction to intimate confession. It reveals crucial backstory about Sani's home life—his stepfather's religious condemnation—and his struggle with addiction and voice. The introduction of five finger grass and Hoodoo adds a layer of magical realism that ties to the narrator's heritage and the theme of fate. The chapter also exposes the narrator's own vulnerability through the deleted Juilliard application, setting up a parallel between their dreams and Sani's. The final exchange about finding his voice foreshadows future challenges and underscores the central conflict of the novel: the difficulty of pursuing one's true self.

Study Questions and Answers

1. Why does the narrator choose not to send the poetic text about the moon and glass? What does this reveal about their character?

The narrator considers a text that would reveal their vulnerability and the mystical experience of being led to Sani's window, but instead sends a practical question about his tattoo and applications. This shows their tendency to guard their emotions and focus on concrete matters, perhaps to avoid deepening the emotional connection or exposing their own feelings.

1. What is the significance of five finger grass in Hoodoo, and how does it relate to the narrator's actions and Sani's response?

The narrator explains that five finger grass tempts others to do your bidding. They mention it after Sani offers to do anything they want, suggesting a playful or magical explanation for his devotion. It also ties to the narrator's knowledge from their grandfather and the theme of fate versus free will, as the narrator half-jokingly attributes Sani's dramatic declaration to the plant's influence.

1. How does Sani's final message about finding his voice connect to the chapter's themes of dreams and change?

Sani says finding his voice is harder than giving up smoking, linking his struggle to express himself to his addiction recovery. This connects to the theme of dreams and change: while he claims dreams change, he admits that reclaiming his voice is a difficult process, suggesting that change is not easy and that his dreams may still matter. It also foreshadows his ongoing journey toward self-expression.

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