Chapter 32 Summary: Key Events, Themes, and Analysis

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.

Summary {#summary}

The chapter opens with Alex texting Maddie to propose a bowling date that same evening, despite it being a school night. Maddie accepts, framing it as a second date. At the bowling alley, Maddie discovers she is unexpectedly skilled at the game, which gives her a small confidence boost.

During the game, Alex asks about the barbecue from Maddie's fabricated weekend plans. Caught off guard, Maddie improvises, claiming the barbecue was at a close family friend's house and inventing a warm backstory about their families being bonded for decades, with their fathers as best friends. She smiles at the imagined image of a large, loving extended family—a stark contrast to her actual circumstances.

Alex shares details about his own life: his sales job pays the bills, but photography is his true passion. He explains that he once chased money and status, believing they would bring happiness, but has since realized that genuine happiness must be prioritized and that a person is responsible for their own fulfillment. He gestures to his chest, saying the sales job doesn't live in his heart.

Maddie, in turn, opens up about her miserable theater job and her firing. She admits she cried almost every day and thought she might be depressed. Alex gently asks if she was depressed, but Maddie dismisses the idea, insisting she had no reason to be—she wasn't stressed or overworked like her former colleague Katherine. Alex counters that she was stuck in a microaggressive, emotionally draining job and then fired without ceremony, which is a reason in itself. He adds that comparison is no friend to mental health.

Alex then asks what her parents said when she told them. Maddie, remembering the persona she's constructed, says she didn't tell them because she didn't want them to worry. Internally, she reflects that her father is dead and that when she told her mother, the response was to pray harder. She decides to keep lying about her father's death, reasoning through the three possible reactions a new date could have to such news—condolences and questions she doesn't want to answer, judgment about dating so soon, or awkward discomfort. Lies, she concludes, are the safer option.

The chapter closes with Maddie searching online for depression symptoms. She reads a list that includes unhappiness, hopelessness, crying, anxiety, exhaustion, suicidal thoughts, and appetite changes. The page notes that most people feel these things during hard times, which Maddie seizes on as proof she isn't depressed. She reasons that her panic attacks, insomnia, and loss of appetite began only after her father's death, and her earlier unhappiness was just work-related. She reads comments from other users, including one from a woman named Frances who warns that attributing depression symptoms solely to hard times can lead people to wait it out instead of seeking professional help. Frances urges readers to answer honestly whether they think they're depressed and to get help.

Key Events {#key-events}

Maddie agrees to a bowling date with Alex on a school night.
Alex asks about the barbecue from Maddie's fabricated weekend plans; she lies, inventing a close family friend with a warm backstory.
Alex reveals his sales job funds his life while photography is his dream, and he discusses the importance of genuine happiness over money and appearances.
Maddie confesses her miserable theater job and firing, admitting she cried nearly every day.
Alex asks if she was depressed; Maddie denies it, and Alex challenges her reasoning, noting comparison doesn't help mental health.
Alex asks what her parents said; Maddie says she didn't tell them, while internally reflecting on her father's death and her mother's advice to pray harder.
Maddie decides to continue lying about her father's death, weighing the possible reactions of a new partner.
Maddie searches online for depression symptoms and reads comments, including one urging her to seek professional help.

Character Development {#character-development}

Maddie continues to embody the central tension of the novel: the gap between the person she presents to the world and the person she is. Her lie about the barbecue is not just a small deception—it's a fantasy of belonging, a family with two living fathers and decades of shared memories. The chapter shows her self-awareness: she knows she's lying, she knows she's become skilled at it, and she knows the alternate Maddie she's invented is easier to love. Yet she chooses the lie anyway, because the truth is too heavy.

Her denial about depression is equally telling. She dismisses her own suffering by comparing it to others, even as Alex points out the flaw in that logic. Her internal monologue reveals the real timeline: the panic attacks, insomnia, and loss of appetite began after her father's death, and her earlier unhappiness was tied to work. She is actively constructing reasons not to see herself as depressed, even as she searches for symptoms online.

Alex emerges as a grounding, honest presence. He shares his own struggles openly, admits his job doesn't fulfill him, and articulates a philosophy of personal responsibility for happiness. He is perceptive—he notices the inconsistency in Maddie's barbecue story—and he is gentle in his questioning about her mental health. His line about comparison being no friend to mental health is a direct challenge to Maddie's self-dismissal. He also assumes her parents are supportive, which forces Maddie to confront the gap between his assumption and her reality.

Themes, Symbols, or Motifs {#themes-symbols-motifs}

Lying and False Personas: The chapter is built around Maddie's elaborate fabrication. The invented barbecue, the fictional family friend, the implied living father—all of it constructs a Maddie who is carefree and easy to love. The bowling alley becomes a stage where she performs this persona.

Authenticity vs. Performance of Happiness: Alex's honesty about his job and dreams contrasts sharply with Maddie's performance. He advocates for genuine happiness; she performs it. The chapter dramatizes the cost of that performance—the sweat on her palms, the constant vigilance to remember which Maddie she's supposed to be.

Depression and Mental Health Denial: Maddie's refusal to accept that she might be depressed is the emotional core of the chapter. She minimizes her suffering, compares herself to others, and seizes on the internet's caveat about hard times as an excuse. The online comments, especially Frances's, serve as an external voice of reason that Maddie is not yet ready to accept.

Withholding Grief: Maddie's decision to hide her father's death from Alex is a deliberate act of self-protection. She enumerates the possible reactions—condolences, judgment, awkwardness—and decides none are worth the risk. The chapter shows how grief can become a secret that isolates the griever.

Self-Diagnosis via Internet Research: Maddie's search for depression symptoms is a motif of modern self-diagnosis. The page she finds is ambiguous, and she reads it to confirm what she wants to believe. The comments section introduces a community of people with similar struggles, including one who pushes back against the page's misleading framing.

Why This Chapter Matters {#why-this-chapter-matters}

This chapter is pivotal because it brings Maddie's two central deceptions—her fabricated social life and her hidden grief—into direct collision. Alex's honesty and perceptiveness make him a foil to Maddie's performance, and his questions force her to confront the gap between the story she tells and the life she lives.

The chapter also marks a turning point in Maddie's relationship with her own mental health. Her denial is explicit, but so is her searching. She is looking for answers, even if she's not ready to accept them. The online comments, particularly Frances's, plant a seed that professional help might be necessary.

Finally, the chapter deepens the novel's exploration of grief. Maddie's father's death is not just a past event—it's an active force shaping her present decisions, from the lies she tells to the symptoms she dismisses. Her refusal to tell Alex about her father is not just about him; it's about her unwillingness to be seen as a grieving, struggling person.

Study Questions and Answers {#study-questions-and-answers}

1. Why does Maddie lie about the barbecue, and what does her lie reveal about her inner life?

Maddie lies because she was caught off guard and because the truth—that she spent the weekend alone, that her father is dead—is too painful to share. Her lie reveals a deep longing for the kind of family she invents: warm, close-knit, with living fathers and decades of shared memories. The lie is a fantasy of belonging that she can't access in reality.

2. How does Alex's perspective on happiness challenge Maddie's worldview?

Alex argues that genuine happiness is undervalued and that a person is responsible for their own fulfillment. He chose a job that pays the bills but pursues photography as his dream. This challenges Maddie, who has been enduring misery for a steady salary and who dismisses her own suffering by comparing it to others. Alex's philosophy suggests that Maddie's unhappiness is not something to minimize but something to address.

3. What role does the internet play in Maddie's understanding of her mental health?

Maddie uses the internet to self-diagnose, searching for depression symptoms and reading them in a way that confirms her denial. The page's caveat about hard times gives her an excuse to dismiss her symptoms. However, the comments section introduces a counter-voice, particularly Frances, who warns against waiting for the storm to pass and urges readers to seek professional help. The internet both enables Maddie's denial and offers her a path toward acknowledgment.