How to Stay Married Ending, Explained

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.

What Happens at the End: A Literal Account

The memoir’s narrative arc concludes in Chapter 38, titled “How to Stay Married,” set fifteen months after the crisis. The chapter opens with a direct appeal: staying married requires insanity, because it is an insane undertaking. Key argues that marriage is not about happiness but about transformation, community, and learning to laugh again.

The final scenes depict a post-reconciliation domestic life. The family attends spring recitals and concerts; Key places a hand on Lauren’s knee and she squeezes back. The couple has a playful exchange in the driveway: Key jokes about what to have for dinner, and Lauren tells him she hates his mustache. He later shaves it, reflecting that love means letting some things go. The book ends with a vision of the future—vacation homes, renewing vows—and a line about doing laundry together. The final image is of two hearts “beating, and laughing, and doing what true lovers do.”

The Climax: The Phone Call and the Rescue

The emotional climax occurs not in the final chapter but in Chapter 33, when Lauren, living with Chad, calls Harrison in desperation. After a long silence on the phone, she weeps and says, “Everything is so dark. I can’t control it.” She begs him to come get her immediately because Chad is on his way. Harrison drives to her and brings her home. This moment breaks the impasse: Lauren chooses to leave the affair and return to the marriage. The divorce papers he had filed are never served.

Major Character Outcomes

Harrison Scott Key: Remains married. He emerges from the ordeal with a radically changed view of love, humility, and himself. He does more housework, empties the dishwasher unprompted, and learns to listen. He still experiences unexpected surges of rage but manages them through conversation, therapy, and drumming.
Lauren Key: Returns home permanently. She authors her own chapter (37) confessing her story: a childhood wound from her father’s abandonment, her mother’s death, and a long, secret affair with Chad. After breaking off the affair, she slowly rebuilds trust. By the final chapter, she and Harrison share a new, more honest intimacy. She tells him he is one of her favorite people.
Chad: Harasses the family until Harrison threatens him; he eventually leaves the state. He is last mentioned as having vanished “into the reeds.” His whereabouts remain unknown, and he appears to pose no further threat.
Dr. Berman: The couple’s therapist continues to see them monthly by the end of the book. He reframes the affair as a MacGuffin, redirecting the couple toward their childhood wounds and patterns of avoidance.
Jimbo: A peripheral character; no specific ending is given, but the community of friends (including those who fed the family) remains present.
Soren: A pastor at the church who preaches a sermon that resonates with Key. He remains part of the supportive church community.
The three daughters: The family remains intact. Key notes that they gave their daughters “trauma to turn all three into artists or writers, or at least law students.” They continue to attend school events; the marriage stays together, so no divorce trauma.

Resolved and Unresolved Threads

Resolved:

The affair is ended; Lauren cuts all ties with Chad.
The couple moves back into the same house and resumes parenting together.
Key forgives Lauren, and she accepts her own need for forgiveness.
The couple returns to church and engages in a supportive community.
Therapy becomes a regular, ongoing practice.

Unresolved / Ambiguous:

Key still does not fully understand why Lauren loved another man or how to reconcile that fact with her love for him. He writes, “I will never fully understand.”
Rage can still resurface unexpectedly, triggered by memory.
The couple’s future is hopeful but not guaranteed; Key acknowledges they are “not perfect for each other.”
The question of how to stay married is presented as an endless, active effort rather than a fixed achievement.

Theme Resolution

Infidelity: The affair is ultimately reframed as a symptom of deeper wounds. It is not minimized, but the story’s focus shifts from the betrayal itself to the couple’s histories.
Faith and Doubt: Key’s Christian faith is central to the resolution. He describes God as a mule who kicks you in the head out of love. He embraces doubt as part of faith, citing Augustine: “If you have understood God, then what you have understood is not God.” The church community—described as “weird, odd, poor lighting”—provides practical support.
Forgiveness: Key calls forgiveness “the greatest LOL of them all.” It is portrayed as a choice, not a feeling. He decides to throw away his grade book of wrongs. Lauren likewise forgives herself.
Humor as Coping: The book is saturated with comedy. Key argues that comedy allows couples to express unspeakable truths and to survive insoluble questions. The final chapter’s mustachioed banter exemplifies this.
Marriage Redemption: The marriage is not restored to its old form but resurrected into something new and strange. Key compares it to Jesus after the resurrection: “his buddies didn’t even recognize him.” The redeemed marriage is maimed, limping, but alive.

The Epilogue

There is no separate epilogue section. The final chapter (38) serves as the epilogue. It opens fifteen months after the crisis and provides both practical advice and reflective summation. Key delivers his recipe for staying married: insanity, therapy, honesty, community, nudity, belief in transcendent profundity, and comedy. The chapter includes the driveway exchange about the mustache and ends with a tender domestic tableau.

Interpretations of the Ending

Interpretation	How the Ending Supports It
Christian redemption narrative	Key explicitly credits God, grace, and the church. The couple is saved not by their own efforts but by a “third way” of community and faith.
Comedy as survival mechanism	The final scenes are deliberately absurd (mustache, laundry, mooing about lawn mowing). The book’s title is itself a joke.
Psychological healing through therapy	Dr. Berman’s method (ignoring the affair to focus on childhood) is shown to work. The couple learns to listen and speak.
Realistic, non-fairy-tale reunion	The marriage is described as “weird-ass,” the couple still bickers, and rage still visits. This resists a saccharine ending.
The MacGuffin as literary device	Key directly calls the affair a MacGuffin. The ending proves that the real story was never about Chad but about two people learning to see each other.

6 Reader Questions Answered

1. Do Harrison and Lauren stay married? Yes. The final chapter explicitly shows them together, attending events, laughing, and planning future homes. Key writes, “We’re both new creatures.” The marriage survives.

2. What happens to Chad? After Harrison threatens him directly, Chad moves out of state. He does not reappear. The book gives no further detail.

3. Does Lauren ever apologize fully? She writes her own chapter (37) confessing everything and expresses gratitude for forgiveness. Her apology is implicit in her decision to return and her willingness to be vulnerable.

4. Is the book a revenge narrative? Key insists from the first chapter that the book is “confession, not revenge.” The ending reinforces this: he protects Lauren’s privacy, alters details, and ends with grace.

5. What role does faith play in the resolution? It is central. Key’s church community feeds and hugs them. He prays, reads Scripture, and explicitly credits God for saving his family. However, he leaves theological questions open.

6. Are there lingering trust issues? Yes. Key admits rage can still surge without warning. He brings it up in therapy or talks to Lauren. The ending does not claim perfect trust but rather a commitment to work through it.