Becoming the Monster: Transformation and Body Horror in Hell Followed With Us

The Thematic Claim: Transformation as Terror and Liberation in Hell Followed With Us

In Hell Followed With Us, Andrew Joseph White uses grotesque bodily transformation to explore the terror and possibility of becoming something other than what society demands. The novel’s central transformation—Benji’s metamorphosis into Seraph—is not merely a plot device but a sustained metaphor for trans identity, trauma, and survival. The physical decay, the growth of fangs and wings, and the loss of a human face are all rendered with visceral horror, yet the narrative repeatedly suggests that this monstrous becoming is also a form of self-actualization. The author’s opening letter frames the book as a story about queer kids at the end of the world trying to grow up, and about surviving hell and coming out “forever changed but worthy of love.” That promise is enacted through Benji’s body: the Flood that destroys him also empowers him, and the horror of his transformation is inseparable from the possibility of a future he could never have imagined.

The Body as a Site of Terror and Revelation

The earliest signs of transformation appear as subtle, creeping changes that Benji tries to hide. In Chapter 11, he notices his nails have receded, his gums have pulled away, and his teeth are becoming fangs. He reflects that his skin is “only a temporary thing,” linking the physical changes to his dysphoria. Unlike the workbooks’ narrow definition of dysphoria, Benji’s is social—he is haunted by how others see him, by wrists that are too small and hips that read female. The transformation, then, is not just an external threat but an internal one, forcing him to confront the body he has always felt alienated from. The mask he wears becomes a symbol of this tension: it hides the physical evidence of the Flood, but it also allows him to present a chosen identity, blending into the Watch’s black-clad anonymity.

The horror of the transformation is made visceral in Chapter 14, when Benji discovers a sharp, oversized canine tooth in his mouth. He retreats to a bathroom and attempts to pull it with pliers, a scene that is both grotesque and painfully intimate. He yanks, breaks off a tooth, and then realizes he pulled the wrong one—the sharp Grace-tooth remains. The scene is a perfect metaphor for the futility of resisting change. Benji cannot tear out the part of himself that is becoming Seraph, just as he could not deny his boyhood forever. The text explicitly compares the transformation to his dysphoria: “just like my dysphoria holding my head underwater, demanding to be acknowledged before it drowned me—it’s only getting worse.” The tooth becomes a symbol of the inevitable, and the failed extraction underscores that transformation cannot be undone.

The Full Transformation: Loss of Self and Weaponization

By Chapter 30, Benji’s transformation has progressed to the point where he is kept in an isolation room in the health center, his body a mass of tumors, barbs, and newborn wings. The narrative shifts into a dreamlike state, where he sees himself as a beast in a vision, and then wakes to the reality of his own monstrous form. Sister Kipling and the Angels treat him as a weapon, testing his ability to control Graces and turn them into war machines. The horror here is twofold: Benji is losing his human form, but he is also being used by the very institution that created him. He is “God’s perfect weapon,” but he is powerless without people backing it. The transformation is thus both a curse and a tool, and Benji’s agency is compromised by the Angels’ control.

Yet even in this state, the novel insists on the possibility of resistance. Benji’s thoughts turn to Nick and the Watch, and he longs to be with them. The transformation does not erase his identity; it amplifies his desire for connection. When he finally stands in his full Seraph form in Chapter 31, he is described as “a charred corpse wreathed in wings,” but Theo calls him beautiful. This moment complicates the horror: the monster is also an object of awe and love. The transformation is not simply a loss of self but a redefinition of what self can be.

Transformation as Weapon and Liberation in the Final Battle

The climax of the novel brings the transformation to its most violent and liberating expression. In Chapter 34, Benji, fully transformed into Seraph, attacks New Nazareth, destroying crosses and clashing with the monstrous remains of Brother Clairborne. The battle is chaotic, and Benji is injured, but his power is undeniable. Meanwhile, Nick undergoes his own transformation as the Flood blooms in him, his face bursting with black substance. Nick realizes that the creature—not Benji—is causing this, and he uses a dead Angel’s body as armor to make contact with Benji. This moment is crucial: Nick’s transformation is involuntary and horrifying, yet it becomes a bridge between them. The two characters, both physically altered, find a way to connect.

The aftermath in Chapter 36 is even more telling. Benji creates a small creature from Theo’s remains and places the engagement ring in its palm, a gesture that transforms grief into something tangible. He then lies beside Nick, who reveals his disfigured face, and they press their foreheads together, feeling “at home.” The transformation has not destroyed their capacity for intimacy; it has created a new kind of closeness, one that acknowledges the horror and the survival. The novel ends not with Benji returning to a human form, but with him accepting his changed body and finding love within it.

Character and Symbol Connections

The theme of transformation is woven through the novel’s characters and symbols. Benji is the primary locus of transformation, but Nick also undergoes a physical change, and Theo is transformed psychologically, becoming obsessed with the Flood and ultimately trying to kill Benji. Sister Kipling is complicit in the transformation, yet her notes reveal guilt, suggesting that even the architects of the horror are not monolithic.

Symbols reinforce the theme. The masks that Benji and others wear hide the physical signs of transformation, but they also allow for the performance of identity. The bobby pins that Benji tries to use to hold back his hair represent his attempt to maintain a semblance of control over his appearance, even as his body changes. The engagement ring connects Benji to Theo and to a past that is both loving and abusive; its placement in the creature’s palm at the end suggests that love can be transformed, not erased. The trans bead lizard (a symbol of identity and resilience) further ties the theme to queer survival, though its specific role in the narrative is less central.

Complexity and Contradiction

The novel refuses a simple reading of transformation as either wholly good or wholly evil. On one hand, the transformation is a direct result of the Angels’ religious abuse—the Flood is a weapon of genocide, and Benji’s body is being reshaped to serve their ends. The horror is real: Benji loses his human face, his teeth become fangs, and he is trapped in a body that is both powerful and alien. On the other hand, the transformation gives Benji the power to fight back, to destroy the crosses and the Angels, and to ultimately find a home with Nick. The novel suggests that the true monsters are not the transformed but those who created the Flood and wield it for control. The author’s letter reinforces this: the book is about survival, and the transformation is a metaphor for the changes that trauma and identity force upon a person.

The contradiction is most evident in Benji’s own feelings. He fears his transformation, but he also embraces it when it allows him to protect others. He is horrified by his body, but he also finds beauty in it through Theo’s eyes and later through Nick’s acceptance. The novel does not resolve this tension; instead, it insists that transformation is a process of becoming, not a fixed state. Benji is not simply a monster or a hero—he is a survivor, forever changed, but worthy of love.

Study Questions and Answers

1. How does Benji’s attempt to pull out his Grace tooth in Chapter 14 reflect his struggle with his identity?

Benji’s attempt to physically remove the tooth is a desperate effort to stop the transformation, mirroring his earlier denial of his trans identity. He fails, pulling the wrong tooth, which shows that the change is inevitable and cannot be resisted. The scene parallels his dysphoria, which he could not ignore forever.

1. In what ways does the novel link physical transformation to emotional and psychological change?

Benji’s physical changes coincide with his growing acceptance of his power and his role in the fight against the Angels. His transformation into Seraph forces him to confront his own agency, and his relationship with Nick deepens as they both bear physical scars. The novel suggests that emotional growth is inseparable from bodily change.

1. How does the symbol of the mask relate to the theme of transformation?

Masks hide the physical signs of transformation, but they also allow characters to present a chosen identity. Benji uses a mask to blend in with the Watch, but it also hides his fangs and changing face. The mask thus represents the tension between hiding and revealing one’s true self, a central concern of the theme.

1. What is the significance of Benji creating a creature from Theo’s remains and placing the engagement ring in its palm?

This act transforms grief into something tangible, allowing Benji to carry Theo forward in a new form. The engagement ring, a symbol of their past love, is placed in the creature’s palm, suggesting that love can be transformed and preserved even after death and horror.

1. How does the novel complicate the idea of “monster”?

The Angels, who created the Flood and commit genocide, are the true monsters, while Benji’s transformation, though horrific, is used to fight them. The novel suggests that monstrosity is a matter of perspective: Benji is called a monster, but he is also capable of love and connection. The final scene with Nick shows that even a disfigured body can be a home.