Chapter 13 Summary and Analysis
⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.
Summary
The chapter opens with the group's return to the ALC after the mission at the church. Only three people—Alex, Sadaf, and Erin—are there to greet them. Erin immediately embraces Salvador, while Alex counts everyone twice, checking the lobby blackboard before confirming all have returned. Sadaf takes Aisha aside, promising Faith she will care for her. Others passing through the lobby avoid eye contact and leave quickly.
The group changes out of their black uniforms in the laundry room. Nick disappears upstairs without changing. Benji changes quickly, while Erin helps Salvador with a scrape on xyr arm. Salvador insists xe is fine and asks Erin not to take Sadaf away from Aisha. The group draws straws to determine shower order. Benji draws the shortest straw, and when Faith tries to protest, he hides it. By the time the water reaches him, it is cold and murky. He scrubs quickly, resisting the urge to scrub off his skin.
For the rest of the day, Benji struggles to eat and sleep. People avoid him in the kitchen and halls. He checks the mirror to see if Seraph has etched deeper into his body but finds nothing new. He reflects on the mission, repeating to himself that he did good and made them suffer. He thinks about Theo, believing Theo still loves him. He wonders why he ended up in New Nazareth, why he saw the body hanging from the tree, and why he saw the monster. He imagines asking Theo to break him open and search for the rot. He fears the beast in the trees—six wings, Death on his pale horse, the monster of the sea—because he believes that beast is him.
Benji sleeps only a few hours. The next day, he is exhausted, hungry, and trembling. He tucks his hands between his knees as the Watch gathers in the media room in silence. Salvador finally speaks, apologizing and saying xe cannot do this, then leaves for bed. Sadaf reaches for xem, but Erin whispers to let xem go. Salvador wipes xyr face and lets the door slam.
Faith says she did not sleep well. Aisha admits she was up half the night, and when Erin gently asks if she had nightmares, Aisha says it is worse when she is awake. Cormac dismisses the distress, saying this is not the first time they have killed people. Aisha protests that there were children. Cormac counters that Trevor was also a child. Benji tells Cormac to shut up.
Erin tries to engage Nick, but he deflects, saying he is fine. When Faith points out he always says that, Nick responds that his job is to take care of them, not the other way around. Erin continues, saying everyone deserves to know someone is looking out for them. Benji tunes out, reflecting on how Angels are supposed to face death without fear, reciting Psalm 118:6 to himself.
Afterward, Sadaf gathers Aisha and Faith to check on Salvador. Erin tries to talk to Nick, but he pulls away, staring at his hands and taking a lizard from his pocket. He mumbles an excuse and flees. Erin asks Benji if he is holding up okay. He says he is better than everyone else. She asks if he can talk to Nick, noting they have a lot in common. Benji cannot think of what that might be, but he agrees.
Benji tracks Nick to the roof, where Nick sits in a lawn chair with a rifle and binoculars. Nick immediately guesses Erin sent him. Benji says he promised to check on him and asks for something to report. Nick repeats that he is fine. Benji throws Nick's earlier words back at him, calling them too vague. They settle into a quiet companionship.
Benji reflects on his past with Theo in New Nazareth, where they used to watch the world from rooftops. He looks at the city now, noticing the green reclaiming cracks in the sidewalk and ponds forming in the roads. He thinks about Theo returning and how he still loves him. He considers how much they have both changed—Theo turned his back on the Angels, and Benji is more visibly a boy than ever.
Benji pulls out Nick's bobby pins and tries to fix his hair, but they will not stay. Nick tells him they are backward and offers to help. Nick pulls his sleeves over his palms and sweeps Benji's hair out of his face. Benji stays still, aware that this kind of touch was barely allowed in New Nazareth. He reminds himself he is betrothed and Theo is back. Nick slides the pins into place and steps away, his right hand shaking briefly. He explains the ridged side goes against the skin.
Nick tells Benji he did good at the church. Benji says he does not feel like he did. Nick says they lost nobody to abominations and Benji did his job. Benji says the people did not want to hurt them. Nick asks how much longer Benji has. Benji says a few weeks at most, that he is throwing up all the time and it is getting worse. Nick says it is okay to be scared. Benji says he is tired of being scared. Nick suggests doing something about it. Benji thinks about running toward Theo, toward the beast in the trees. He tells Nick this was supposed to be him getting Nick to talk. Nick says good luck, and Benji laughs.
Key Events
- The group returns to the ALC, greeted only by Alex, Sadaf, and Erin.
- Benji draws the shortest straw for water and washes with cold, murky water.
- Salvador leaves the Watch meeting, saying xe cannot continue.
- Aisha reveals she is haunted by the children they killed; Cormac dismisses her, and Benji tells him to shut up.
- Erin asks Benji to check on Nick, who has retreated to the roof.
- Nick fixes Benji's bobby pins, a rare moment of physical care.
- Nick asks how long Benji has left, and Benji admits he has only weeks.
- Nick tells Benji it is okay to be scared and suggests doing something about it.
- Benji resolves to run toward Theo.
Character Development
Benji spends this chapter processing trauma. He repeats affirmations that he did good, but he does not feel it. He is exhausted, unable to eat or sleep, and his body is deteriorating. His internal monologue reveals deep self-loathing and fear that Seraph is becoming him. He is also more aware of his gender expression, noting he is more visibly a boy than he ever was in New Nazareth. His decision to run toward Theo marks a shift from passive endurance to active choice.
Nick shows vulnerability for the first time. He deflects Erin's concern but accepts Benji's presence. He offers physical care by fixing Benji's hair, a gesture that requires touch he seems uncomfortable with. He acknowledges Benji's fear and encourages action. His question about how long Benji has left shows he is paying attention and cares.
Erin acts as the group's emotional caretaker. She comforts Salvador, tries to reach Nick, and asks Benji to check on him. Her observation that Benji and Nick have a lot in common suggests she sees something in both of them.
Cormac dismisses the group's grief, arguing that killing is nothing new. His callousness contrasts with Aisha's visible distress and highlights the moral weight of their actions.
Themes, Symbols, or Motifs
Post-mission trauma is the central theme. The Watch struggles to process what they did at the church. Aisha cannot sleep, Salvador retreats, and Benji cannot eat. The silence in the media room reflects their collective inability to articulate their pain.
Religious indoctrination appears in Benji's internal recitation of Psalm 118:6. He tells himself not to fear because God is greater, but the words feel hollow. His faith has been weaponized against him, and he cannot find comfort in it.
Monstrous self-identity is explored through Benji's fear of the beast in the trees. He believes the monster—six wings, Death on a pale horse—is him. Seraph is not just a physical infection but an identity he cannot escape.
Touch boundaries are significant in the rooftop scene. Nick pulls his sleeves over his palms before touching Benji's hair, suggesting discomfort with contact. Benji notes that such touch was barely allowed in New Nazareth and reminds himself he is betrothed. The moment is tender but fraught with tension.
Nature reclaiming the world appears in Benji's observation of the city. Green peeks through cracks in the sidewalk, and ponds form in the road. The world is returning to something wild, mirroring the chaos of Seraph's transformation.
Escapism vs. confrontation is a motif. Benji has been running from New Nazareth, from the Angels, from Theo, and from Seraph. Nick's suggestion to do something about it pushes Benji toward confrontation, even if that means running toward Theo.
Why This Chapter Matters
This chapter deepens the bond between Benji and Nick, establishing them as mutual supports in a group that is fracturing under trauma. Nick's willingness to fix Benji's hair and his question about Benji's remaining time show he sees Benji as more than a soldier. Benji's decision to run toward Theo sets up the next phase of his journey, moving from passive victim to active participant in his own fate.
The chapter also emphasizes the psychological cost of the mission. The Watch is not a unified front; they are individuals struggling to cope. Cormac's dismissal of Aisha's grief and Salvador's retreat show the group's fragility. Benji's internal battle with Seraph and his fear of the beast within him are central to the novel's horror, and this chapter makes clear that the monster is not just external but internal.
Study Questions and Answers
1. Why does Benji draw the shortest straw for water, and what does his reaction reveal about him?
Benji draws the shortest straw, meaning he washes last with cold, murky water. When Faith tries to protest, he hides the straw so she cannot take his turn. This shows his reluctance to accept help and his tendency to endure discomfort silently. He is used to being the one who sacrifices, and he does not want to burden others with his needs.
2. What does Nick's gesture of fixing Benji's bobby pins reveal about their relationship?
Nick's gesture is a rare moment of physical care. He pulls his sleeves over his palms before touching Benji's hair, suggesting he is uncomfortable with direct contact but willing to help. The act is intimate and gentle, contrasting with the violence of the mission. It shows Nick is capable of tenderness and that he sees Benji as someone worth caring for. Benji's awareness of the touch boundaries in New Nazareth highlights the significance of the moment.
3. How does Benji's decision to run toward Theo represent a change in his character?
Throughout the chapter, Benji reflects on how he has been running from New Nazareth, from the Angels, from Theo, and from Seraph. He has been passive, enduring his transformation and his fear. Nick's suggestion to do something about it prompts Benji to consider running toward something for once. Choosing to run toward Theo is an active decision, even if it is dangerous. It marks a shift from endurance to agency, setting up his next actions.
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