Chapter 5 Summary: Like That Time We Skipped School
⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This guide contains detailed spoilers for the entire novel. Proceed only if you've finished reading or are comfortable knowing the plot.
Summary
The chapter opens with the narrator skipping school to attend a pool party. She immediately draws a contrast between herself and the other girls: they wear bikinis, while she wears a one-piece swimsuit with a white T-shirt over it. The boys at the party stare in a way that feels disrespectful, as if they haven't been taught basic decency.
The narrator notices Lay Li, who has what the narrator calls “good hair”—hair that can get wet and loose without worry. The narrator, by contrast, keeps her own hair in a very tight ponytail because she doesn't consider it manageable or “good.” As the sun becomes unbearable, she jumps into the pool, not just to cool off but to “cool her sadness down.”
While in the water, she watches Lay Li walk and sees how everyone stops to look at her. The narrator studies Lay Li's movements, hoping to learn how to enter a room and turn heads, how to be the light in a crowd, and how to keep a boy's interest—specifically a boy who remembers her name, someone with long eyelashes and gentle hands that keep to themselves.
Her thoughts then shift to her older sister, Essa. Essa is strict about how people pronounce her name, insisting on “EEEEEE-SaaHHHH” like a mantra or a prayer. The narrator wishes she could keep Essa from speaking harshly to her. She wants to move through the world standing tall, demanding to be named properly, and to be more than just a baller. She wants to keep people guessing and stop stressing, because she feels she carries a kind of “shade” that no one has time for, while everyone seems to have time for “sun.”
Key Events
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The narrator skips school to attend a pool party.
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She wears a one-piece swimsuit with a white T-shirt, unlike the other girls in bikinis.
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Boys stare at the girls, and the narrator disapproves of their behavior.
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Lay Li's hair is described as “good” and doesn't need protection from water; the narrator keeps her hair in a tight ponytail.
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The narrator jumps into the pool to escape the heat and to cool her sadness.
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She observes Lay Li's confident walk and the attention it draws.
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The narrator reflects on her desires: to command attention, to hold a boy's interest, and to keep her sister Essa from speaking harshly to her.
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Essa's insistence on the correct pronunciation of her name is highlighted.
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The narrator expresses a wish to stand tall, be named properly, and move beyond her current self-doubt.
Character Development
This chapter reveals the narrator's deep self-consciousness and her tendency to compare herself unfavorably to others. Her choice of swimwear and her tight ponytail show how she tries to hide or control her body and hair, which she perceives as inadequate. Her sadness is palpable—she literally jumps into water to cool it down, suggesting a need to numb or wash away her feelings.
Lay Li serves as a foil: she embodies the confidence and ease the narrator craves. The narrator doesn't resent Lay Li; instead, she watches her as a model, hoping to absorb some of that poise. This shows the narrator's desire for growth rather than bitterness.
Essa, though only mentioned briefly, looms large in the narrator's mind. Essa's insistence on her name being pronounced correctly is a form of self-assertion that the narrator admires and wants to emulate. The narrator wants to be “named properly” too, not just by others but perhaps by herself—to know who she is and to demand respect.
The chapter also hints at the narrator's internal conflict: she feels she carries “shade” (negativity, sadness, or perhaps a darker complexion) that others dismiss, while “sun” (lightness, positivity, or acceptance) is what everyone gravitates toward. This suggests a struggle with self-worth and a longing to be seen as valuable.
Themes, Symbols, or Motifs
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Hair politics: The narrator's tight ponytail versus Lay Li's loose, wet hair highlights societal standards of “good hair” and the narrator's internalized sense of inadequacy.
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Body image and the male gaze: The narrator's choice to cover her one-piece with a T-shirt and her discomfort with the boys' stares reflect her unease with being objectified and her attempt to control how she is seen.
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Comparison and envy: The narrator measures herself against Lay Li, not with malice but with a longing to possess similar confidence.
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Naming and identity: Essa's insistence on correct pronunciation becomes a symbol of self-respect and the right to be recognized on one's own terms. The narrator's wish to be “named properly” extends beyond her literal name to her identity and worth.
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Shade and sun: These contrasting images represent the narrator's perception of herself as carrying something heavy and unwanted (shade) while others bask in warmth and acceptance (sun). This motif underscores her emotional state and her desire to transform.
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Sister conflict: The narrator's fear of Essa's harsh words reveals a strained relationship, yet Essa also models a form of strength the narrator aspires to.
Why This Chapter Matters
This chapter deepens the reader's understanding of the narrator's inner world. It moves beyond the external events of skipping school and attending a party to explore her vulnerabilities, aspirations, and the social pressures that shape her self-image. The introduction of Lay Li as a foil and Essa as a complex figure adds layers to the narrator's relationships and her sense of self.
The theme of naming and being named properly becomes a central motif that will likely resonate throughout the book. The narrator's desire to “move through the world standing tall” signals a turning point in her self-awareness—she recognizes what she lacks and begins to articulate what she wants. This chapter also sets up potential future conflicts with Essa and with the boys who stare, as well as the narrator's ongoing struggle to find her own light.
Study Questions and Answers
1. Why does the narrator wear a white T-shirt over her one-piece swimsuit at the pool party?
The narrator wears the T-shirt to cover her body, likely because she feels self-conscious about not wearing a bikini like the other girls. Her choice reflects her discomfort with her body and her desire to hide rather than be seen. The boys' stares make her feel objectified, and the T-shirt serves as a shield against their gaze. It also symbolizes her sense of not fitting in with the other girls' confidence.
2. What does Lay Li represent to the narrator in this chapter?
Lay Li represents the confidence and ease the narrator wishes she had. Lay Li's “good hair” and her ability to walk and draw everyone's attention make her a model of social success. The narrator watches her not with jealousy but with a desire to learn—she wants to know how to enter a room, turn heads, and be the light. Lay Li embodies the narrator's aspirations, even though the narrator feels she is far from achieving them.
3. How does Essa's insistence on the correct pronunciation of her name connect to the narrator's own desires?
Essa's demand that people say her name as “EEEEEE-SaaHHHH” is an act of self-assertion and self-respect. She refuses to let others misname her, which is a way of demanding to be seen and valued for who she is. The narrator admires this and wants to “move through the world standing tall & demanding to be named properly.” This connects to the narrator's broader desire for identity and recognition—she wants to be more than just a baller or someone who carries shade; she wants to be acknowledged on her own terms.